Fitology

You might have noticed the name change (or you might not, I’m aware I’m not at the centre of everyone’s universe 😂) so hi, welcome to my updated Insta

Since having the babies I haven’t worked as a PT because the hours just didn’t work, and I needed something with more stability and consistency (kids are fu***ng expensive, who knew it?)

I still love fitness and I miss working 1-2-1 with clients, particularly pre & postnatal clients, but my ‘desk job’ works better for me and my family now. It’s been challenging effectively starting another new career in my mid-30s but hey, I’ve learnt something new every single day and there’s not many jobs that I think you can say that about

TLDR - I changed my name on here and no one really cares but I think I look good in this photo so…

A little dose of reality: this is me the evening we got home from our lovely (but very exhausting) holiday. I was just done and needed a 5 minute sit down and mindless scroll to switch off

While we were away, and I had a chat about how hard we’ve found the first year with 2 tiny humans and I showed him something I wrote when Thea was about 5 months old. He told me to post it here as he was feeling the same way and it would have helped him to read it at that point:

‘I’m tired

Well, I mean, obviously. I have 2 tiny children who both need a lot of attention in different ways but I’m tired. Like, really tired. Tired in a way I’ve never felt before

I’m tired of making decisions, I’m tired of the constant cycle of washing up, doing laundry, making food for a toddler who has a 75% chance he’ll throw it on the floor. I’m tired of trying to be a good mum, a good wife, a good daughter, a good friend and all the other hats I wear

I’m tired of living through this pandemic that has robbed me of a maternity leave. It’s robbed my kids of time and cuddles with their extended families. It’s robbed me of the ability to create space within my relationship as we’re living on top of each other and have been reduced to housemates

I’m tired of there never being an off switch. Every room I walk into there’s always something that needs doing and by sitting down I’m consciously making a decision not to do something that needs doing. That decision comes with guilt

I make so many decisions each day for the kids that by the time they’re in bed I have no decision-making energy left for my own life and relationship. I’m running on empty but also on automatic. Anything that unnecessarily uses energy has to go, like emotions, laughter, being silly. They all take up time and energy that could/should be spent on folding laundry, washing up, cooking’

Talk to me about how you felt in your first few years of motherhood!

Did this workout yesterday morning

Got a lot of sweat in my eyes

Didn’t p*e myself or feel any discomfort on the box jumps, the first I’ve done since having Thea

All in all it was a sweaty good (but tough) time, give it a go!

When your colleague says ‘have a nice day off’ because you don’t work Fridays and you moonlight in your other job as a mum and you know that your day will be full of cuddles, snot, tears, fish fingers, wees that don’t quite make it into the potty and laughter and it will be a million times harder, easier, more frustrating, more rewarding and more exhausting than your real ‘job’

And you say ‘ha, thanks, see you on Monday’

I TOUCHED A BARBELL AND I LIKED IT

That is all

Also, just because gyms are open it doesn’t mean you have to go. If you do go, remember to wipe your equipment down, maintain social distancing and don’t shake your sweat on anyone

Totally channelling this chilled guy at the moment in an attempt to transport myself away from this snowy, pandemic-filled, noisy, and busy life for a millisecond

📸 from my honeymoon in Argentina at (heaven on earth)

So this is it, the end of maternity leave 2.0

It was far from the mat leave that I had planned and by the time most of the restrictions are lifted Thea will be 1. Nursery staff have cuddled and held her before her extended family. She hasn’t been to any baby classes. She hadn’t met any other kids properly (apart from her brother) before starting nursery. She’s used to seeing adults wearing masks, so much so that she’s very good at reading eyes above masks and will smile back even if she can’t see their mouth.

BUT

We’ve been incredibly lucky to have got through the pandemic so far relatively unscathed and life goes on

Now, any tips for juggling a toddler, a baby, work, the gym, a house, a family, friends and everything else in life?!

A poem for 2020:

This s**t is hard

I went for a walk

This s**t is still hard, I’m now wet from the rain, but things are a bit better

*eye bags: model’s own