Carla Da Costa

My full body NO that you can see in my face when I say “it’s not that” when I’m talking about being a van life girl in the third slide 🤣

I might not always be clear on my yes’s.

But I’ve always been clear on what’s a NO I won’t do that or a NO I don’t like that.

I literally can’t override it.

I’m always surprised by the number of adults with minds and patterns so skilled to avoid discomfort and change that they can override what their intuition is telling them, what they know to be true. And label it smart or rational.

I had a full body YES, expansive feeling week when I traveled to the new area I’m about to move to.

But boy did the NO I don’t belong here anymore message land like a whopping thud to the chest when I returned back to my current home.

*It’s a simple exercise.*
Ask yourself a straight up YES or NO question about your situation.
Should I…?
Would I regret it if…?
Find a moment of quiet.
Ask the question in your head and let the YES or NO answer roll off the back of the question.
Leave no room for the mind to step in and interrupt.
And then act on it.
Do something with it.
Move.
Literally 🏠 😂

Life leap or forever regret and be left wondering?

Do you feel your YES or your NO louder?

*If this feels challenging start with a small, non life changing question. Sometimes when we’ve not acted on our intuition for years the intuition voice becomes so quiet it’s hard to hear, hard to trust.

You: “I know my patterns.”

Me: “Okay. But have you actually become someone different?”

Because awareness alone doesn’t change your life.
Awareness is STEP ONE.

Most people know their patterns.

They know what they tolerated.

They know what they ignored.

They know where they abandoned themselves.

Know what they became.

They know what they need to heal.

The question is:
Have you actually become different?
Do you move through life differently?
Do you love yourself and others differently?
Do you choose different partners?
Do you set different standards?
Do you expect more from yourself and from love?

Because reinvention isn’t awareness.

Reinvention is embodiment.
That’s STEP TWO.

It’s where you stop repeating the same experiences in different packaging 🛑✋

It’s where you begin choosing a different life because you’ve become a different person.

Not because you’re better.

Because you’ve grown.

Because life and your marriage didn’t just wound you.
They changed you.

And because you allowed the lessons to become part of who you are.

✨ AFTERGLOW: The Reinvention Era
The goal isn’t to get back to who you were.
The goal is to become someone new.

Comment AFTERGLOW below for early launch access to The Reinvention Era 🪩

There are some women here who were treated terribly. You can’t dance your way out of the truth or facts.

Some were lied to, betrayed, financially abandoned and used, manipulated, hit, emotionally abused and neglected.

Some deserved apologies they never received.

Some deserved explanations they never got.

Some deserved far better than they were given.

And yes…

many of you could stand on the victim podium, pointing your finger out for the rest of your lives if you wanted to.

You’d have every reason to.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

You cannot build your reinvention from victimhood and without looking within.

You cannot build it from bitterness.

You cannot build it from revenge.

You cannot build it from constantly pointing the finger outward.

Because eventually there comes a moment where life asks a different question:

Not:

“Who hurt you?”

But:

“Who are you becoming on the inside because of it?”

The wound may have been the catalyst.

But the woman you become afterwards is the outcome.

And that outcome is still yours to create.

✨ AFTERGLOW: The Reinvention Era
Comment AFTERGLOW below for early access to my program in June.

The goal isn’t to get back to who you were.

The goal is to become someone new.

Episode 42 🎙️ The Emotional Weight of Reinventing Yourself While Holding Children, Career, Finances, Life.

One thing I’ve been noticing lately…

A lot of good people are carrying an enormous amount right now.

They’re rebuilding after divorce.
Holding emotional space for children.
Navigating career pressure.
Managing finances.
Trying to stay strong while quietly carrying the emotional weight of becoming someone new.

Inside Episode 42, I talk about:

✨ Why reinvention is emotionally demanding

✨ What happens when your children are having their own experience through your healing journey

✨ The weight of career, money and responsibility during a season of rebuilding

✨ Why so many good people are feeling exhausted right now

✨ Why you do not have to rebuild everything at once and how to navigate it.

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking…

“Why am I so tired?”

This episode is for you.

Sometimes you’re not tired because you’re doing life wrong.
You’re tired because you’re carrying the weight of becoming.

💛 Comment “42” below and I’ll personally DM you the link to listen.

The marriage ended.

But did the patterns?

Did they?

Really?

✨ Comment AFTERGLOW below to join my newsletter and be the first to hear about AFTERGLOW: The Reinvention Era coming soon 🪩

So many people lose themselves inside marriages. Tick the box of any of these? 👆🏼

It happens not because they are weak or bad people even.

➡️ Because survival and keeping the marriage together at any cost became more important than self-worth, truth and love.

They learned to:
stay quiet,
manage moods,
manage truth,
avoid conflict,
walk on eggshells,
and suppress their own needs just to keep the relationship functioning.

And over time?

They stopped recognising themselves.

This is one of the most painful parts of marriage breakdown that people rarely talk about.

The grief is not just about losing the relationship.

It’s about realising how much of yourself you abandoned trying to hold it together.

It’s about who you became in the marriage now that you look back.

If this carousel hit home for you, you are not alone.

DM me the number below that matches your circumstance if you would like professional support to reinvent and rebuild:

1️⃣ If you lost yourself inside your marriage and want help rebuilding.

2️⃣ If you’re newly divorced and struggling with identity loss.

3️⃣ If you’re still in the marriage and feel emotionally stuck.

Reinvention is possible.
And it gets to be beautiful, exciting, and wonderful.

There really is no winner when these marriages end because often the personal cost of what they went through was so high.

The marriages and families everyone envies.
The successful family.
The beautiful home.
The couple hosting Christmas.
The nice house.
The life that looks perfect from the outside.

And yet underneath?

Self-abandonment.
People-pleasing.
Emotional suppression.

Emotional abuse.
Keeping-the-peace behaviours.
Avoidance.
Resentment.
Disconnection.
Lies.

Affairs.
Years of unhealthy dynamics being normalised.

These marriages often survive because both people have slowly disconnected from themselves.

That’s the real tragedy.

➡️ And when the marriage finally ends?

People are often left rebuilding not just their life…

but their entire identity.

Because somewhere along the way,
they became someone they no longer recognise just to keep the relationship together ❤️‍🩹

And often the children from these homes carry the emotional impact too.

If this post hit home for you DM me:
1️⃣ If you’re in a marriage like this and feel you can’t leave, feel stuck from leaving.
2️⃣ If the marriage ended and you’re trying to rebuild yourself.
3️⃣ If you’re grieving and processing who you became inside the relationship, grieving what you can now see playing out with your children and want support healing.

Professional coaching and support can help you rebuild emotionally, mentally and personally after a marriage

Most programs give you a bunch of modules and wish you luck for you to find your own way through!

AfterGlow gives you a pathway, a system, and a coach in your corner FOR LIFE.

This is a lifetime membership.
You pay once and you get forever access to the content, the group coaching calls and me.
No expiry date.
No finding your way through alone when a challenging season hits again.

I’m not going to lock you out and expect you to pay again ever.

Inside you’ll find over 70 hours of recorded coaching covering everything the other programs skip over.

• The emotional healing.
• The practical rebuilding.
• The spiritual lessons hidden inside the pain.
• The rejection and not good enough wounds that run deeper than the relationship itself.
• The financial lack mindset that creeps in after.

• And yes, how to actually deal with an abusive, manipulative, I’m going to keep lying to you ex while you’re trying to move your life forward.

Weekly group coaching calls so you’re never stuck in your own head for long.

This is the step by step system for women who are done surviving the end of a relationship and ready to build something completely new on the other side of it.

If this is your season, DM me AfterGlow.