Communication for Connection with Ruth Daly

It's been a little while since I've posted, and if you've been waiting to find out what happened to Claire — here she is.

And if you're just joining us, Claire isn't one specific person. She's made up of many women I've had the privilege of working with, and I have a feeling you might recognize yourself in her somewhere.

For weeks, Claire had been coming home from get-togethers with her friend group feeling quietly hollow, going along with plans she hadn't really agreed to and telling herself it wasn't a big deal.

But it kept getting heavier.

One evening she sat with it instead of pushing it away, with no phone and no distraction, just her and that feeling she couldn't quite name.

And she got curious about it.

What is actually not okay for me here?

It took a while, but slowly something became clear. It wasn't her friends, because she loved them. It was the fact that she kept saying yes when something in her was quietly saying no, and she kept abandoning herself one yes at a time.

That was what wasn't okay.

Here's what I want you to know about that moment.

That's where boundary work actually begins, not with a difficult conversation and not with confrontation, but with that question.

What is okay for me and what isn't okay for me?

Once Claire could name it, something shifted. The hollow feeling had a shape now, and a shape you can name is something you can actually work with.

The next time plans came up in the group chat, she didn't overthink it and just typed:
"I'm going to sit this one out — I need a quiet weekend. Have fun!"

No lengthy explanation, no apology, no managing everyone's reaction in advance.
One friend sent a heart and another said "totally get it."

And Claire felt something she hadn't felt in a long time. She felt like herself again.

Boundaries don't start with the hard conversation. They start with getting honest with yourself about what is and isn't okay for you, and that's a skill that can be learned.

If this resonates, I'd love to hear from you. DM me or email me at [email protected] 💚

Have you ever come home from a get-together feeling quietly hollow — like you left something of yourself behind? And you can't quite put your finger on it?

Claire knows that feeling well. Remember,

Claire isn't one person — she's a composite of many women I've worked with over the years. To protect privacy, I share her story instead of theirs. But honestly? Parts of her might sound like you and me.

Today Claire is sitting with something she can't quite name. Swipe through 👉

In my work, I spend a lot of time with people who are quietly struggling in their relationships — not because of big dramatic blowups, but because of all the small moments where they didn't say what was true for them.
To protect privacy, I'll sometimes share stories through a composite character — someone I'll call Claire. Claire isn't one person. She's many people I've worked with, and honestly? Parts of her might be you. Or me.
Today, Claire's story is about boundaries. Please read on.

Does 'keeping the peace' sound like your life? Especially in these new chapters? It's exhausting — and it's also a way of losing yourself.

If this sounds familiar, swipe through. My new workshop gives you the tools to show up grounded, kind, and authentically you — for yourself and the people you love. 💚

And I'd love your help! Swipe to the end to vote on the title of my new workshop — drop your pick in the comments! 🗳️

Intentions Matter More Than We Think!

This week I got a reminder. I went into a conversation wanting to show I was right.

The words were “correct,” but the energy felt disconnected.
I paused, processed, and tried again. The second time with the intention to
understand what was really going on for the other person.

The difference?
It felt warm, safe, and truly connecting.
One small shift in intention changed everything.

Swipe to see how intention shapes every conversation 👉

Freeze, Fight, or Flight — What’s Your Body’s First Clue?

Ever notice what happens in your body the moment you realize something is not okay for you?
😠 Fight — jaw tight, fists clenched, heat rising
🌀 Freeze — chest heavy, mind blank, legs like concrete
🏃‍♀️ Flight — heart racing, urge to escape or shut down

For me? I freeze. I feel it most in my chest (like a tight weight) and I lower my gaze, almost like I want to disappear.

When I first realized that was my body’s signal, everything changed.

Those sensations weren’t random. They were trying to tell me: “Something important is happening here.”

Once I could name the freeze and the chest tightness, I could slow down, breathe, and gently ask: “What am I feeling? What need is underneath this? What is not okay for me here?”

Naming it gave me space to be kind to myself instead of pushing through or judging myself.

Where does your body send the signal first?

Next time it happens, try this:
Put one hand on the spot.
Breathe slowly.
Find a phrase to whisper to yourself for assurance.

Here are a few for you to try out to see which one would work for you:
“I see you. This is hard. I’m here.”
“Grace is here, even in the tightness.”
“I can feel this and still be okay.”

Drop an emoji or word to let me know how your body tells you something is not okay for you?
Do you have your own phrase you use? I, and others, would love to hear that too.

It’s my birthday! As I get older, I tend to use my birthday to reflect. Today, my first reflection is that I will not get a call from my dad to wish me a happy birthday. He has Alzheimer's, and that changes everything. Before Alzheimer's, we talked pretty much everyday.

It got me thinking about transitions. This is definitely a transition for me to not have my dad there to talk to and to pray with. I let myself feel it though. I let myself feel sad, nostalgic and a little lonely. I mourned the connection and the consistency of our relationship.

Then as I was walking around the block with my puppy, Theo, I feel pain in my knees still:( This is a transition for me too. I am frustrated that even after my new knee last year I’m not as mobile as I would like to be. I took some time to give myself some self-compassion for this. I find that if I let myself acknowledge the feelings and needs that are unmet, I resolve the angst in my mind and body and I feel more at peace.

Then I went to get the mail and got a letter from the Ontario College of Teachers alerting me to the fact that since I didn’t renew my membership (on purpose:) that I no longer had teaching privileges in Ontario…another transition!!!!

However, I want to end with gratitude. I am truly touched by all of you who have reached out to me on my birthday. It fills my needs for connection and being cared for. Thank you!

Have you (or someone you love) ever said:

“I hate talking about feelings” or “Feelings are just used to manipulate me”?
That usually happens when feelings are weaponized or mixed with blame.

Example:
Someone says → “I feel ignored.”
That isn’t a feeling. It’s a judgment/evaluation disguised as a feeling — and it almost always makes the other person defensive.

BUT…

What if they could name the real feeling underneath?

Maybe: “I feel lonely… sad… scared… hurt…”

And then share the need that’s asking for attention?
Maybe → “I’m longing for connection… belonging… to feel seen.”

Now the conversation changes.
Instead of defense, there’s curiosity.
Instead of blame, there’s understanding.

Instead of distance, there’s a chance to find ways to meet both people’s needs.

That is the gift of real communication.

That is Communication for Connection.

If you’d like to learn how to move from blame to honest, heart-to-heart connection (with yourself first, then others), I’d love to support you.

DM me “CONNECT” or comment below — what’s one feeling you’ve noticed lately?

Last week I introduced the idea that shifting from judgemental/evaluative statements to observational statements can make a shift in how you think about a person or situation. This is not easy to do however as so many of our statements have judgements woven in with the observation.

Remember:
Pure Observation is just the facts - what you saw/heard/did.
Evaluation adds judgement, interpretation, or labels.

Let’s do a little exercise that Marshall Rosenberg did in his book! Which ones are pure observation (no judgment), and which ones contain evaluation?

1. John was angry with me yesterday for no reason.
2. Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
3. Henry is aggressive with his sister.
4. Janice works too much.
5. When I was speaking you looked at your phone and started scrolling.

Put your guesses in the comments. Which ones are evaluations? Bonus if you give explanations about why you think they are evaluations:)

I’ll share Marshall’s answers in the first comment so you can check!

From “They’re Impossible” to Inner Quiet — Just by Listening to Myself

Ever catch yourself thinking: “He’s impossible”?
Those quick judgments, what Marshall Rosenberg calls moralistic judgments or enemy images, close our hearts instantly.

But there’s a quiet shift you can make just inside yourself — no conversation needed.

Instead of staying with the label, pause and gently ask:
What did I actually see or hear (Observations only)?
How do I feel about it?
What need of mine is alive (and unmet) right now?

Example:
Judgment: “He’s impossible — he never listens to reason!”

Internal shift:
“When I share an idea and he immediately says no without discussion, I feel frustrated and powerless because I need consideration, understanding, and to feel heard.”

The moment you connect to your own feelings and needs, something eases.
He stops looking like “impossible” and starts looking like a human who might also have unmet needs.

Now add the second gentle layer (still silent, still just in your heart):
Guess what he might be feeling and needing.
Maybe he’s overwhelmed and needs relief… or anxious and needs safety.

You don’t have to say any of it out loud.
Just holding that silent empathy changes your energy.
The resentment fades.
The inner tension eases.
You see them as another person trying to meet needs — just like you.

This internal practice, self-empathy first, then silent empathy, is one of the most freeing things in Communication for Connection.

It doesn’t require anyone else to change.
It just changes how you carry the moment.

It doesn’t mean you won’t have a conversation with them, but if you do, you will be coming from a place of self-connection and no moralistic judgement. You will have a much better chance of connecting with them and making a request that will get your needs met

This is likely a new way of thinking, so what do you think?