JoOutLoud

I work in restorative justice. Mainly with kids, but there are often adults involved. I think it's important for adults to hear this.

The kids who sit in our circles are more courageous than adults. They move through responsibility, accountability, and repair, even though it's incredibly hard.

Many times when adults are asked to show up the same way, they want to control the narrative. They have difficult listening to, and empathizing with the other people in the circle. They are challenged with defining their role in repair. And they often want to default to their authority and experience.

It's much harder to help adults recognize their role in why harm happens.

What do we do about it?

I encourage adults to listen to listen, not listen to respond. To not address the incident, but instead the harm they hear has been caused. To try to understand where others are coming from, not just want others to understand us.

When we show up to defend, or stay on the surface of what happened versus what hurt, we can avoid feeling hard things, and maybe some tough self-reflection.

Our role in repair comes from care. Not from being right.

I told my 21 yr old I wanted to have a pool party this summer. She told me I don't have a pool, so I reminded her of my super sweet blow up wading pool. She just looked at me and said "...no".

I think she's underestimating the desire of perimenopausal women to stay cool, sit in the sun and drink margaritas.

So who's coming to my pool party this summer? 😂

Three schools in two days in two communities 400km apart. I loved every minute of it. Time spent with kids is time well spent. The end.

3.5%. That's the number of people in a population who need to participate consistently to create systemic change.

25%. That's the number of people who need to do something different to create social change.

That means that the small things you do, do matter. If 1/4 adults made a clear, consistent, across time effort to listen to and connect with teens, what could be accomplished?

Not programs. Connection. Across generations. Together.

One small thing. One small commitment. What can you commit to?

It's a question we ask kids in our Restorative School Culture program, to help them see their role in repair.

A question worth asking adults as well.

What can your role in repair be when a community is torn apart?

Getting a little crazy on a Friday night. The gym is empty. It's like people have better things to do.

Weirdos.