Yore Coach

Love this! To all my fellow female friends who have ever been told they are bossy, intimidating or just not like the other women, carry on doing what you’re doing! They’re just jealous because you’re good at what you do.
Happy International Women’s Day

Today I’m feeling low.

I realised something about myself for the first time today... that I am really good at portraying the outward appearance of being OK, of being able to handle it, even when I don’t feel it. And everyone who knows me will say that I am strong. I am capable. I can handle it. I've known this part for quite a while now. What I didn't realise was WHY I do this.

Today, I realised that my need to portray the outward appearance of being OK is a coping mechanism. A coping mechanism to protect myself from hurt. Hurt from not feeling understood. Not feeling seen. Not feeling validated.

I realised that from an early age, when I experienced negative emotions, the people closest to me throughout my life have felt uncomfortable around me. Not because they don’t love me, quite the opposite. Because they also feel uncomfortable with their own emotions. We can’t be available for others if we can’t cope with our own emotions.

Three things then happen.

1️⃣ Firstly, as a result of witnessing the discomfort in others, I have learnt not to show my negative emotions and to put on a front of being ok, when really, I'm far from it.

2️⃣ Secondly, as a result of witnessing the discomfort in others, I have learnt to feel unsafe showing my emotions. I either get frustrated with those close to me for not seeing me, or I push them away because I feel unsupported.

3️⃣ Thirdly, (and this is something I have recently learnt to do differently), I used to bottle up my feelings up and shove them down deep inside me because I didn't know how to deal with them. I'm pleased to say I no longer do this and I am learning to be comfortable with whatever emotions show up and to sit with them, in the knowledge that they will pass.

How many of you notice the same behaviour pattern in your life?

And so, it happened... today, I feel low 🫥. More on why in another post.

So, today, on Day 3 of Gratitude Month, I am finding it much harder to notice things I am grateful for, and I have to dig deep to find them. Here goes!

✅ I am grateful for the love ❤️ of those closest to me - because I know that in spite of not feeling comfortable with my negative emotions, it is not because they don't love me. It's because they have similar discomfort with their own emotions. We can't be there for others' emotions if we can't be comfortable with our own.

✅ I am grateful for the feedback that I receive from people who say that I have inspired them by telling my story. I don't see how, but it is why I write these posts, and it gives me a sense of purpose when my experience, however painful, has helped others. So if this post has helped you, please give this post a like 👍 or a comment.

✅ I am grateful for having learnt the tools ⚒️ and resources to cope with life's challenges, and for the people who have helped me learn and grow.

Who else is finding it hard to feel grateful today?

Gratitude has so many benefits for our health and wellbeing. Practicing gratitude has helped me feel more positive about my life, and improved my sense of wellbeing, self-esteem, and happiness.

Today, on Day 2 of Gratitude Month, I am grateful for:
✅ My friends, family, and wider connections (all of you!), who have been there for me, and supported me over the years, and in particular, in the last 2 years when I have needed it the most.
✅ The Warrior Programme and Inspire 360 Ltd: NLP & Coach Training for giving me the tools to enable me to turn my life around.
✅ My own Inner Strength, which has enabled me to keep going when things have been difficult.

What are you grateful for today?

November is often a time of feeling low. Our clocks have gone back, the nights are drawing in, sunny days of Summer are but a distant memory and this year, we have the increasing pressure of a financial crisis and covid is still here.

When we feel low, it is easy to miss all the good things in our lives and one of the first things I recommend to all my clients is to start keeping a Gratitude Diary. Our unconscious minds need repetition to form new habits and focusing on the positive things in our lives changes how we view the world and improves our overall wellbeing.

Did you know November is National Gratitude Month in the U.S.? What a beautiful concept! I invite you all to join me in a daily practice of gratitude for the month of November.

Each day, take a moment to notice 3 things you are grateful for. Pop them in the comments below. Let's see how many we can generate.

Today I am grateful for:
✅ Vets - my steadfast companion, my Labrador Goose, has gone in for an operation to remove her mammary lumps today.
✅ The mild weather - as I submitted my meter readings this morning, I was grateful for the fact that October has been mild and my usage of gas and electricity has been low.
✅ The beautiful colours of Autumn - as I went for my morning walk through the woods, I was taken in by the beautiful rays of sun through the half empty branches and the golden and rust colours of the leaves on the trees and on the path under my feet. I listened to the rustling noise as I kicked the leaves and felt the fresh breeze on my face.

What are you grateful for today?

I am delighted to be invited to speak at Evolve Network Conference next month where I will be talking about resilience.

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from life's challenges, stronger than before and I can't wait to share my story and the things that have helped me build my resilience over the years.

Thank you to the EMEAI team at for inviting me to deliver a Wellbeing for Performance Workshop in Lyon 🇫🇷 yesterday.
You were all so welcoming and engaging, it was a real pleasure to work with you.

Just arrived in Lyon where it’s a glorious, sunny evening.
Tomorrow I will be delivering a Wellbeing Workshop to a global engineering company where we will be exploring how wellbeing affects performance. We will be learning about how the mind works and our body’s stress response system and developing some self awareness of our current wellbeing. We will learn tools to build resilience and how to improve our wellbeing in order to achieve better outcomes.
I’m looking forward to meeting the team and feeling excited to be working with them to develop their wellbeing going forwards.

When setting goals, it is easy to think we should have loads of goals, at least one for each area of our lives. But what tends to happen when we do this? NOTHING. Why? Because we are not motivated to act. So, write a list of goals, and then see which one excites you the most. ACT on THIS and ONLY this. Live your dreams. NOW.

Do you have goals in your life, or are you like many who don't? Having goals is the difference between having the life you want and having the life you get.
Here are the top 5 reasons people don't set goals and what you can do to overcome them.

Don't think of a Blue Tree.
The brain is unable to process negatives, so when you are focussed on what you don't want, this is exactly what you get. In order to get what we want, it's important to focus on what you DO want.

The donkey told the tiger, "The grass is blue."

The tiger replied, "No, the grass is green ."

The discussion became heated, and the two decided to submit the issue to arbitration, so they approached the lion.

As they approached the lion on his throne, the donkey started screaming: ′′Your Highness, isn't it true that the grass is blue?"

The lion replied: "If you believe it is true, the grass is blue."

The donkey rushed forward and continued: ′′The tiger disagrees with me, contradicts me and annoys me. Please punish him."

The king then declared: ′′The tiger will be punished with 3 days of silence."

The donkey jumped with joy and went on his way, content and repeating ′′The grass is blue, the grass is blue..."

The tiger asked the lion, "Your Majesty, why have you punished me, after all, the grass is green?"

What do you think the lion said?

The Donkey, The Tiger & The Lion The donkey told the tiger “the grass is blue”