The Instinctive Parent with Rhian Horwill

I can't believe it's Tuesday and I've only just realised this week is Parenting week!

The theme this year is the Positivity of Parenting which is all about acknowledging the positive impact parents have on their children's lives, fostering love, support, and growth.

I hope you know how important you are - you're literally creating the future in the decisions you're making daily. Well done and Thank you. xx

Whether you need to order them, make them from a pair of old tights or find them at the bottom of the dressing up box...... this is your official 2 week warning to save yourself from the dreaded last minute supermarket trip where you have to convince a 10 year old they really want to be a pumpkin this year cos that's the only costume left..... just me?

Who had the last meltdown in your house?

I’m sorry to say, this time it was me.

It was Sunday bathtime. My kids are getting a bit old for a communal bath now but yesterday they’d found the dustiest pile of stones in the garden and decided to climb it, cover each other in it, generally making a massive mess and they were black with dirt. So I ran a bath, poured in some bubbles, lovingly made them a bubble pump to play with and threw the younger three in together.

I let them splash for a while then came back to wash their hair….. and there floating in the bath was my expensive shampoo. As I scooped it out of the water the distinctive smell hit me and I knew they’d been pumping my precious shampoo into the bath. I gaped at first then I aggressively demanded answers. I wanted to know how many pumps they’d done, how much they’d used, who did it? My voice rising with every question. None of this information was going to bring back my shampoo, and I knew that even through the rage but I’d had a tough day, I was angry and my top was well and truly blown.

I was not proud of my behaviour – especially when my little girls came to me later, still wrapped in towels and offered me their pocket money so I wouldn’t be angry anymore. Everyone is going to lose it sometimes – its inevitable. But I tell you I felt so rubbish afterwards. I know in the moment, if I’d kept my temper, looked at the bigger picture, worked on my own regulation, I would still have been upset about the loss, but I wouldn’t have added the new layer of upset and guilt on top that came with laying it on my kids.

I just hope I remember how it felt the next time I get the choice between Meltdown and being the grown up cos I still feel that horrible ick feeling about losing it.

So many of us are seeking this abstract ideal of "Happiness" ..... but most of us haven't got a clue what Happiness actually means for us..... Would winning the lottery bring you happiness? Or would it be throwing it all away and moving to the farm in the countryside? Would a promotion bring you happiness or would that come with having perfect, compliant children?

So here's what I think, Happiness feels like it's some abstract, out-there, future thing that I may or may not attain in my life - and that thought is scary. I can't have pure happiness today, this minute, this second.

I can't have happiness because its so complex, but I can have joy. I can take joy in this very second, and the next. I can do things right now that will not only bring me joy but might actually progress me on the path to "happiness."

I find this particularly with my parenting. Our family lives are complicated. There is never going to be a moment when everyone in the family somehow finds a perfect space in their lives at the same time - but they can have joy.

The simple joy of a family walk, the joy of belonging when you all crease up laughing at a family joke, joy in one of your children accomplishing something that they have been struggling with. Those moments are not only attainable, they are there for the grabbing right this very moment.

And that's why I often say, in answer to the question "what do you do?", I help parents find more joy in their parenting. Because if you can find more joy in what you do every single moment of every day, you'll see the incredible amazing beauty of a child who gets themselves dressed in the morning, finishing their homework or finding a way to be kinder to their friends - if you can see the incredible joy in those moments, you'll be helping your child to feel that joy too and you'll be bringing this mythical "happiness" to your family unit every day.

So seek Joy and Happiness will come. xx

I hate it when people refer to me as a "Parenting expert".

I know a lot but I'm not the expert in your child, your family, you...... I'll tell you who is the expert in that..... Yeah take a look in that mirror.

What I am an expert in - where my magic powers are - is asking the right questions, knowing the right moment to suggest a technique to try, knowing when you just need to talk it out. That's where the magic really happens, when we work together, when you learn how powerful and capable you actually are. I'm the expert in making you proud of the parent you are. I'm the expert in making it happen.

If you're ready to make some magic happen, you can book a free, no strings attached chat to see if we can make magic together.

https://calendly.com/rhianhorwill/30-minute-chat

September is such a strange month - the beginning is all full of new pencil cases, excited chatter of "how was your summer" and eeking out the last few sunny days. Then by now, the excitement of new beginnings has settled down into a routine, the coats are starting to be worn and the evenings are pulling in.

For some of us, the return of familiar routine is comforting and welcome, and for others, the back to school period has triggered unwelcome feelings. Whether your kids have gone back to school happy and thriving or they're fighting every morning to stay at home can make a massive difference to how I feel at this time of year.

We've had a strange one here this year, I was dreading back to school - really not ready for the return to real life. But in the end we had probably the smoothest transition we've ever had - I mean it's never perfect but it does feel like, as a family, we're growing into a kind of harmony...... and of course as soon as i've said that i can guarantee tomorrow will be awful!

So how's your "Back to school" period been this year?

If it's been smooth sailing, well done!! If everything's a bit rocky, get in touch and I'd love to help. Whether you just need a free 30 min chat (you'd be surprised by how much we cover!) or if you know you need more and are ready to sign up to Connected, I'd love to help the rest of the school year go from tough to terrific. xx

https://calendly.com/rhianhorwill/30-minute-chat

‘Children are holding a mirror up to us’: why are England’s kids refusing to go to school? As a new academic year begins, more children than ever are worried about returning. What’s being done to get them into the classroom – and is that always the best idea?

I didn’t think sitting outside a school for an hour and a half while son number 2 does exam prep would be the highlight of my day but ….. peace, quiet, uninterrupted access to the radio, an excuse to mess around on my phone and a vegan brownie…. This is actually bliss!

Shout out to the absolute genius at home bargains who decided to stack the crazy soap on the shelf next to the nit treatments! 😂😂

The bath is now decidedly blue and foamy but hopefully we at least have a chance of getting to the end of term without any more unwanted visitors of the hair-clinging kind!!