James Boardman

Sometimes all a man needs is to feel appreciated.

But the same is true for his wife.

A healthy marriage is not built around one person carrying the pressure, while the other carries the emotional weight.

It is built when both people feel seen.

When both people feel valued & know that their effort is noticed.

He needs to hear that what he does matters.

She needs to feel that she matters beyond what she does for everyone else.

He needs respect and she needs emotional presence.

Both need that appreciation to feel valued

Because a marriage cannot thrive when one person is constantly giving, leading, providing or holding things together, while quietly wondering if anybody sees it.

The strongest relationships are reciprocal.

When both people make the effort ,communicate and take responsibility

Both people choose to protect the relationship, especially when life gets busy.

Appreciation is not a reward for doing everything perfectly.

It is a daily decision to remind the person beside you:

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It’s actually really hard to get close to an autistic kid who has sensory issues.

So this is my daughter. She’s nine years old. She’s absolutely incredible. An amazing young woman.

She’s absolutely in love with animals and is one of the most incredible horse riders.

But as a dad, it’s actually really hard to get close to her because she doesn’t always like to be touched.

Sometimes her sensory issues are really heightened, so in the morning I have to either blow her a kiss or give her an air hug.

But some days she can be absolutely fine and will squeeze the life out of me.

The main thing is understanding this now, which is something I’m grateful for my wife teaching me.

Sometimes you can take it quite personally, but actually, when you understand that she just can’t bear the thought of being touched, or feels overcrowded or overwhelmed, she just needs space.

It’s not that she doesn’t love you.

I do get my moments where we can wrestle, do jiu-jitsu, have big cuddles and have big kisses.

So I get a pretty even share.

I just wish I could get more of it before she gets too old to want it anymore.

To want Dad cuddling her and wrestling her anymore.

I don’t need BJJ I’m a Marine jeez 🙄🤣🤯

I remember walking in on the first morning that I started jiu-jitsu.

One of my best friends at the time invited me to come along. I was like, “I’m just gonna see what all the fuss is about. I don’t really need to do it because I only left the Royal Marines four yrs ago. If I needed to, I could have anybody.”😂

An hour and a half later, I couldn’t move.

I’d been strangled at least 15 times, and I’d never tapped out more in my life.

It’s one of the most humbling experiences of my life, realising just how vulnerable I am if I ever had to protect my family.

That was back in 2015.

Over the last 11 years, I’ve stuck with it. I’ve taken two two-year breaks, one for injury and one for COVID. So I’ve been all in for around seven and a half years.

Last Tuesday I got 2 additional stripes on the purple belt which I was made up with

Jiu-jitsu has brought me connection with some of the most incredible guys and girls on the planet.

It’s brought me sanctuary when I’ve been at my lowest or when things have been at their hardest.

Leaving the mats after a session has always realigned me.

It’s helped me drop my ego and helped me realise just how vulnerable we all are.

Not just in a fight situation, but in life in general.

There’s no place for an ego.

I’m well on the way to achieving something equally as memorable as my green beret from the Royal Marines.

I know that one day I’m going to be a black belt.

All I’ve got to do is keep showing up and enjoying the process.

Here’s to the next roll.

Let’s get it.

The next time I take this type of selfie, I will be 100 years old.

I’d love to turn around and say what a great experience it was watching the eclipse with our children. It meant so much. 🤯🤣😬

But my autistic nine-year-old kept saying she was bored, and my five-year-old kept trying to rear-naked choke me.

But I don’t think the next eclipse is until 2081, and I’ll be 100 years old, they’ll hopefully get it by then

If there’s anything that makes you feel like time is precious, it’s a good old eclipse.

Me, in my morbid way, was trying to work out that probably 90% of the people sitting on our beach, and there were lots of them, will probably be dead the next time the eclipse is on. 🤔

And we couldn’t quite get our heads around just how quickly time moves on.

Certain situations and certain circumstances, like eclipses, really make us think about time.

But why don’t we think about time like that every single day on a conscious level?

Why don’t we appreciate time like we’re limited on it?

Something like the eclipse shows us the fate that we all face. It highlights it.

Whereas every single day in life, we don’t really know what our fate is.

We don’t have an expiry date. We actually probably usually don’t think there is one.

So we waste a lot of time missing out on opportunities, making memories, doing the things that we all said we’re going to do, building desires, dreams and missions.

I wanted to write this post just to give you a little prompt to challenge you.

Are you doing the right things with your time?

Are you going in the right direction with your life?

Don’t wait.

It’s cliché because you hear it everywhere and see it everywhere.

But do something each week that makes you feel a little bit more alive than the last.

I think I may have found a picture that sums up everything a family man stands for.

This particular picture is of my wife and our now nine-year-old, taken down in Cornwall about 7 years ago

When I look at this picture, I immediately think and feel of everything that I stand for.

Being a provider.
Being a leader.
Being a role model.

And all of those things are absolutely beautiful.

But they can come with hidden surcharges that are not commonly spoken about openly.

So in my true fashion I thought I’d put it out there.

Those surcharges are usally overwhelming feelings of pressure.

Pressure to provide for your family, to feel that everything is secure and well, pressure to protect your family from harm or pain.

Feelings of responsibility.

To be there, to give as much as you can to make sure they are ok.

But if we were to simplify that whole process, maybe we could just accept that being you and showing up as you, not this prefect version of you, is enough.

And actually, the real pressure and responsibility often come from the versions of ourselves that we think we need to be.

I’m going to be an open book here.

I constantly feel like I’m never enough for my wife and kids. I’m working on it, as I help a lot of men do the same when I mentor them.

That, in a way, is some form of self-sabotage based on issues I’m working through with somebody, picked up from beliefs around low self-worth from years ago.

Because the most minimal version of me is an outstanding father, an outstanding husband and an outstanding coach and mentor.

But it’s the pressure I build inside my own head that strips me of the enjoyment of the journey and stops me from being present and being fulfilled as much as I should be.

And I see the same thing in so many of the men I work with.

Because whatever we think is good enough in our brains is never actually good enough.

So we just keep pushing for more and more.

And the cost?

Our energy & presence at home

Remember, your wife is with you because she loves ‘you’ in your simplest form.

Your kids will cuddle you and kiss you just for who you are.

Not for your status, state of finances, what you can provide,

But simply for the man that you are.

So when you get home, or when you see them next, just be you.

That’s all they want. ❤️