Saunders Fearns Catalyst Coaching

Save this if you are terrified of needing help

This woman had built a successful business over more than a decade.

She’d raised her child.

Built a reputation.

Created something she was incredibly proud of.

And then something happened that threatened all of it.

But the thing that stopped me wasn’t the business problem.

It was this:

“I’m too scared to tell my partner because he’ll try to fix it for me.”

So I asked her:

What would happen if he did?

Her answer told me everything.

She’d be less stressed.

She’d be able to think clearly again.

She could concentrate on what happened next.

She’d feel…

better than she did right now.

Yet something in her still equated accepting help with not being capable enough to handle it herself.

I see versions of this constantly.

We delegate at work.

We bring in experts.

We build teams.

We tell other people they don’t have to know everything.

Then when we need help?

Suddenly it feels like failure.

It isn’t.

Sometimes the most capable thing you can say is:

“I can’t carry all of this on my own.”

Because sometimes our need to keep everything under control…

is exactly what’s making us feel out of control.

If you’re the woman everybody relies on, I’m curious:

How easy is it for YOU to ask for help?

👇 Easy / I’ll struggle until I’m drowning

A man got in my taxi this week and asked me something I genuinely wasn’t prepared for.

I’d been telling him about my career.

Nearly 30 years in corporate. Senior leadership. Predominantly male-dominated industries.

And he asked:

“Did you ever think you got where you did because the boss fancied you?”

No.

I didn’t.

Not once.

And perhaps that’s why I didn’t have an answer ready.

I’ve got one now.

I got there because I was bloody good at what I did.

I worked hard. I delivered. I made difficult decisions. I led teams. I got things wrong. I learned. I got better.

I earned my seat at the table.

Whether somebody happened to find me attractive had absolutely nothing to do with it.

And here’s what bothered me most about his question.

Women already give themselves enough reasons to question whether they’re good enough.

We don’t need somebody handing us another one.

So I’m curious…

Would he have listened to a man describe a successful 30-year career and wondered whether he’d got there because his boss fancied him?

I suspect I know the answer.

And if you’re a woman who’s ever questioned whether you really deserve the position you’ve earned:

You do.

Stop looking for reasons to explain away your own success. ❤️

Follow for more real conversations from my taxi and what they teach me about the women I coach. 🚕

Read this if you’re brilliant at celebrating everyone else… but terrible at celebrating yourself.

This morning I caught myself doing something I see in almost every woman I coach.

Minimising a win.

One of my reels has now had over 27,000 views.

Over 700 likes.

It’s brought new followers, conversations and people completing my scorecard.

And yes… I even had a comment from .tvchristian which, as someone who remembers watching him on TV, was a bit bloody surreal 😂

The old me would have thought…

“Great… what’s the next reel?”

No pause.

No celebration.

Just straight onto the next thing.

Sound familiar?

We tell ourselves we’ll celebrate when…

We get the promotion.

Sign the client.

Hit the milestone.

Feel more confident.

But the finish line keeps moving.

So today I’m doing something different.

I’m collecting the evidence.

Because confidence isn’t built by waiting until you’ve “made it.”

It’s built by recognising the progress you’re already making.

If you’re anything like me…

Don’t wait for the next milestone before you’re proud of the one you’ve already reached. ❤️

The thing men say in my taxi that I wish more women would…

I’ve noticed something.

When men get into my taxi, they usually tell me about the next thing in their diary.

The meeting.

The appointment.

The train.

The one thing that’s next.

Women?

They tell me about the school run.

The deadline.

The food shop.

The birthday card they need to buy.

The prescription they need to collect.

The washing.

The emails.

The thing they forgot to do yesterday.

Sometimes… the entire week.

No wonder so many brilliant women feel overwhelmed before the day has even started.

So here’s what I tell them.

Stop trying to carry your whole life in your head.

Instead, choose just three things:

✔️ One thing you must do (time-sensitive)

✔️ One thing that moves you closer to an important goal

✔️ One thing that makes you feel good (yes, that counts too)

If you get to everything else…

Amazing.

If you don’t…

The world probably won’t end.

Because your to-do list should help you feel focused.

Not constantly remind you of everything you haven’t done.

👇 If this feels a little too familiar, it might be worth completing my free Midlife Performance Scorecard.

It takes just two minutes and helps you understand whether you’re surviving, stretched or thriving.

You’ll find the link in my bio. ❤️

A woman got into my taxi and admitted something I think far more women feel than we’ll ever admit out loud.

“I’m worried she’s better than me.”

It wasn’t jealousy.

It wasn’t spite.

It wasn’t because the other woman had done anything wrong.

It was fear.

Fear that there isn’t enough room.

Fear that someone else succeeding somehow means we’ll lose our place.

I’ve coached enough women to know this feeling is incredibly common.

Not because women want to compete with each other.

Because for years many of us have been taught—directly or indirectly—that there are only so many seats at the table.

So I asked her a question.

“What if the table was full of women?”

Women who celebrated each other’s strengths.

Women who shared what they knew.

Women who helped each other grow instead of quietly worrying about who was “better.”

She paused.

Then asked me,

“But what if she is better?”

I smiled.

“Then how lucky are you to have someone you can learn from?”

She got out of the taxi, left me a £5 tip, and I’ve thought about that conversation ever since.

Because maybe the women who grow the most aren’t the ones trying to be the smartest person in the room.

Maybe they’re the ones who aren’t afraid to learn from the women standing beside them.

👇 I’d love to know…

Have you ever caught yourself comparing yourself to another woman—and what helped you move past it?

The people who inspire me most aren’t always the ones who succeed.

Today I drove:

⚽ A young woman who’d moved from Australia to play football for Everton.

🎵 A man who’d left a legal career in Brazil to pursue music in Liverpool.

Neither of them knows how their story ends.

But both have given themselves the chance to find out.

Then I met another woman.

Successful.

Experienced.

Smart.

She told me what she’d always wanted to do.

Then she quietly said:

“I don’t like thinking about it because it’s never going to happen.”

That sentence has stayed with me all day.

Not because she’d failed.

Because somewhere along the way she’d decided the dream no longer belonged to her.

And I wonder how many of us do that.

We stop talking about the thing we really want.

Not because it’s impossible…

But because convincing ourselves it can’t happen feels safer than risking disappointment.

The people who achieve extraordinary things aren’t the ones with guarantees.

They’re the ones who refuse to decide the story is over

Do you know what ambitious women tell me about most?

Not their promotion.

Not the business they built.

Not the team they lead.

🚕 They tell me about everything they didn’t do.

The school event they missed.

The email they haven’t replied to.

The workout they skipped.

The friend they forgot to call.

The dinner they weren’t home for.

It’s as though their achievements disappear behind a running list of perceived failures.

I’ve lost count of how many conversations like this I’ve had.

And it’s made me wonder…

What if the way we measure ourselves is the problem?

What if we’ve become so focused on what we haven’t done that we’ve stopped seeing everything we have?

You don’t have to ignore the things that matter to you.

But you do deserve to recognise the things you’re doing well too.

Because if your inner scoreboard only records what you missed…

You’ll never feel like you’re winning.

🚕 Follow me for the conversations high-performing women are finally having out loud