TM Counselling & Coaching together we get there

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2025/nov/05/the-marbles-review-thoughtful-outline-of-case-for-giving-the-parthenon-marbles-back-to-greece

The Marbles review – thoughtful outline of case for giving the Parthenon marbles back to Greece David Wilkinson’s personal exploration of the issues open-mindedly examines both sides of a contentious political debate

Resementa are like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer.

https://www.ertnews.gr/roi-idiseon/strong-thanos-askitis-gia-64-sup-i-sup-thesi-tis-elladas-sti-lista-tis-eytyxias-yparxei-ypermetros-thymos-xoris-aitia-den-yparxei-koinoniki-paideia-stin-ellada-strong/

Θάνος Ασκητής για 64η θέση της Ελλάδας στη λίστα της ευτυχίας: Υπάρχει υπέρμετρος θυμός χωρίς αιτία-Δεν υπάρχει κοινωνική παιδεία στην Ελ Στο ερώτημα «Γιατί δεν είμαστε ευτυχισμένοι;» κλήθηκε να απαντήσει ο Θάνος Ασκητής, Πρόεδρος του Ινστιτούτου Ψυχικής και Σεξουαλικής Υγείας και Διδάκτωρ

Κάποια πράγματα που εύχομαι να ήξερα νωρίτερα:

👉 Μερικές φορές οι άλλοι απαντούν με τη συμπεριφορά τους ακόμη κι όταν δεν μιλάνε.

👉 Το να είμαστε με τον λάθος κόσμο μας κάνει να αισθανόμαστε περισσότερη μοναξιά από ό,τι το να είμαστε μονάχοι.

👉 Δεν μπορούμε να θεραπευτούμε στο ίδιο περιβάλλον όπου πληγωθήκαμε.

👉 Το να αγνοούμε τα προειδοποιητικά σημάδια επειδή θέλουμε να δούμε το καλό στους άλλους, συνήθως το πληρώνουμε ακριβά.

👉 Το γρασίδι δεν είναι πιο πράσινο κάπου αλλού, είναι πράσινο όπου το ποτίζουν- επένδυσε σε ό,τι έχει αξία για εσένα.

👉 Αν είσαι μητέρα Τερέζα χρειάζεται να θέσεις τα δικά σου όρια, γιατί όσοι ευεργετούνται δεν έχουνε κανένα.

Gratitude
I have just finished another year of training at the Gestalt Centre successfully. Graduate Diploma in Gestalt therapy. New experiences, new friends, new therapeutic tools, new ways to self-awareness as a therapist and new ways to assessing the therapeutic relationships with my clients. Now off to 4 weeks of self care, holidays, mindful reading and meditating. Full of gratitude and hope for all in the middle of a pandemic.

A very interesting article.

https://www.fastcompany.com/90515476/how-to-build-a-rest-ethic-that-is-as-strong-as-your-work-one?

How to build a ‘rest ethic’ that is as strong as your work one The authors of a new book offer creative and thoughful ways to maximize your time off that will gift you with inspiration, ideas, and recovery.

Good habits

I read an interesting article recently in HBR which put forward the idea that, in times of great change and transition, it pays to focus on your habits and routines to keep you on track. It states “daily or weekly habits aligned with your long-term goals can keep you on track even when it’s hard to think ahead, and they can add stability in an otherwise unsteady time.”

This chimed with me a lot as a coach. We often support our clients to take small steps towards a long term goal, asking them questions such as “what would be one step closer towards that goal?”. If individuals are going through a time of great upheaval and transition, focusing on some short-term (good) habits can help them focus and cope with the broader change that’s going on.

I say “(good) habits” because, of course, many people come to coaching wanting to eliminate their bad habits. However, there is some good news on this later in this article so keep on reading!

The habit low-down

What are habits? Habits are the things we do regularly that are unconscious and automatic. A study by Quinn & Wood in 2005 revealed that approximately 45% of behaviours tend to be repeated in the same location almost every day.

Why do we have them? The main reason is that they free our minds to make us more efficient and productive and free up our capacity to process new information and to think.

And how are they created? Research shows that it’s down to our brain activity: ‘Neurons that fire together, wire together’. The more we repeat our thoughts and actions, the more the neurons fire repeatedly, forming stronger neuronal circuits which our brain can automatically follow without having to “think”.

The good news

I mentioned that we are focusing on creating good habits in this article. The reason we are able to ignore bad habits is this: you eliminate bad habits by creating new ones. How great is that? But how do we do it?

Let’s break out habits down into their three constituent parts:

Trigger: this is related to where you are when you do the habit and what action you’ve taken immediately beforehand – it cues your brain to go into automatic mode.
Action: this is what you actually do immediately following the trigger (the habit)
Reward: this helps you figure out if the habit is worth repeating?
Charles Duhigg in The Power of Habit, calls this the “Habit Loop”. Central to Duhigg’s approach is the “Golden Rule” which is that, in order to change a habit, you keep the same cue and reward but change the associated routine.

Let me share a personal example with you. When I work from home, I have a habit which involves turning on the kettle (trigger), going to look in the cupboard and helping myself to a biscuit (action) and enjoying the ensuing sugar rush (reward). Now, logically I know that the sugar rush is not going to last and will leave me feeling worse in the long run. However, I follow this routine on auto-pilot.

So, I need to train my brain to do a different activity when I switch on the kettle. For example, I could do some quick physical activity (jumping jacks, jog a couple times round the garden). This would still give me the desired “rush” from the endorphins released.

What to do now

Maintain your established good habits in times of change: We all have some good habits and it can be easy to let those slip if you’re feeling stressed and anxious or if your routine has changed in any way. Make a list of all your good habits and really focus on maintaining these.
Start to eliminate your bad habits and replace them with better habits: Make a list of the bad habits you’d like to eliminate. Use the Golden Rule to positively transform one habit at a time.
Create some new habits: In times of change, it is even more important to look after your physical wellbeing and mental resilience. Create some new and healthy habits which will boost your “five ways to wellbeing”
I’d love to hear about your habits and your successes (or failures) in improving them. In return, I’ll let you know how I’m getting on with my kettle routine… Contact me on: [email protected] / 07798 920 517.

Duhigg, C. (2013). The power of habit: why we do what we do and how to change. London: Random House.

Under the weight of chronic stress at work, optimists are winning.

It’s hard to escape the fact that chronic stress is one of the greatest threats to well-being in modern times. In a report published by The National Institutes for Occupational Safety and Health, 75% of workers say they are more stressed than the previous generation, and 40% place themselves on the high end of the stress spectrum. In a large-scale study of more than 11,000 people, researcher Shawn Achor and I found that 91% of people had maladaptive responses to stress that exacerbated circumstances and decreased well-being. In the face of this mounting reality, some argue that chronic stress is a “modern day birthright.” It is not. Chronic stress is a trap we’ve fallen into — one that we can get out of with intentionality.

An antidote to chronic stress is cultivating an optimistic mindset — and it serves us well over the course of our careers. In a new study I conducted in partnership with Frost Bank, we found that when it comes to money, optimists are more likely to make smart moves and reap the benefits.

We surveyed more than 2,000 Americans, testing for optimism, financial health, and attitudes and behaviors around money, using scientifically validated measures such as the Life Orientation Test and the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau Well-Being Scale.

After controlling for wealth, income, skills, and other demographics to level the playing field, the data clearly showed that optimists were significantly more likely to experience better financial health than pessimists, and engage in healthier habits with their money. For instance, we found that 90% of optimists have put money aside for a major purchase, compared to 70% of pessimists. Nearly two thirds of optimists have started an emergency fund, while less than half of pessimists have. Additionally, optimists are more likely to seek out and follow advice from someone they trust. In my opinion, the most compelling finding was how optimists felt, reporting that they stressed about finances 145 fewer days each year as compared to pessimists.

Optimism is a lucrative investment beyond one’s finances. Optimists do better over the course of their careers as well. They make more money and are more likely to be promoted. Achor and I developed a scientifically-validated optimism scale to test professionals at hundreds of companies across industries, and we found that “Visionary Work Optimists” — those that are in the top quartile for optimism as compared to their peers — are 40% more likely to get a promotion over the next year, not to mention six times more likely to be highly engaged at work, and five times less likely to burnout than pessimists.

A landmark study by my former research partner Dr. Martin Seligman from the University of Pennsylvania found that optimistic sales professionals outsell their pessimistic counterparts by 56%. As a result of this study done at MetLife, the insurance giant changed its hiring practices to include a screening for optimism, which improved retention and saved the company tens of millions of dollars.

But thinking like an optimist isn’t all rosy. One study found that while most successful entrepreneurs will call themselves optimists, optimistic entrepreneurs earn 30% less than pessimistic ones on average. That might be because they are taking greater risks and failing more often. (That same study found that optimistic employees do earn more than pessimistic colleagues.) But studies highlighting the negative side of a more positive mindset are few.

YOU AND YOUR TEAM SERIES
Stress

The Busier You Are, the More You Need Quiet Time
Justin Talbot-Zorn and Leigh Marz
Pressure Doesn’t Have to Turn into Stress
Nicholas Petrie
5 Things to Do When You Feel Overwhelmed by Your Workload
Alice Boyes
Optimism sometimes gets a bad rap because people often connect it with Pollyanna and her rose-colored glasses ignoring reality. One time a manager told me during an upcoming restructuring at his company that the best way to help his team stay positive was to not talk about what was going on. You can imagine it was no surprise when a few months later I received word from his boss that he had been let go for mismanaging his department. Optimism does not mean ignoring reality. In our work, we define optimism as the expectation of good things to happen, and the belief that behavior matters, especially in the face of challenges. A rational optimist is able to see reality for what it is, while maintaining the belief that actions can improve the situation. This solution-focused mindset propels positive action. Rational pessimists also see what’s really happening; they just don’t believe there is much they can do about it. For pessimists, circumstances overwhelm. For optimists, mindset wins.

Optimism is a lucrative investment for professionals, which is why I’m on the road more than 120 days a year (with my family, including two kids under 5-years-old in tow — yes, I am an optimist!) to help employees assess and strengthen their optimism. It’s just like a muscle, and you can build it. Here are some of the same positive habits I share during my keynotes at organizations to help build optimism:

Focus on what’s working: Start the day by practicing gratitude. Instead of grabbing your phone first thing to check the headlines or your email, create a “media moat” and start your day by listing three things you’re grateful for, and why. This two-minute daily practice rewired elderly pessimists to become more optimistic after just two weeks.

Seek progress, not perfection: Don’t wait until you’ve perfected the plan. Whether you’re trying to switch roles at work or launch a new idea, waiting for perfection can be your greatest enemy. Set a meaningful goal, and take the smallest measurable step towards achieving that goal. That win will propel continued positive action as your brain gets a boost from perceiving progress.

Meaningfully connect with others: Send a two-minute email each day to someone new and different, praising or thanking them. This habit is my all-time favorite, because these notes often brighten the day of family members, colleagues, or friends, but they are also good for you. Your brain starts to more deeply recognize all the people who care about you. Social connection is the greatest predictor of happiness, and it is strongly correlated with optimism.

Consider testing your optimism before and after adopting these habits using the Success Scale. These small habits could help you take back 145 stress-free days each year, not to mention fuel your happiness and work success as well.

Michelle Gielan, a national CBS News anchor turned UPenn positive psychology researcher, is now the bestselling author of Broadcasting Happiness. She is partnered with Arianna Huffington.