Karl Williams

I bought another self-help book and returned it straight away.

I’m done with the endless analysing. Done with trying to think my way out of feeling s**t, as if understanding it will somehow fix it. It won’t.

Here’s what I’ve realised: going over and over the same things, trying to learn my way out of how I feel, is actually keeping me stuck. It’s keeping me focused on the problem, not the solution.

I have to take responsibility for that. For what I do next. For where I put my attention. For whether I stay in this loop or choose to step out of it.

There’s a name for what I’ve been doing: rumination. And the research on it is clear, it’s a fu**er.

Rumination feels productive. It feels like you’re working on the problem, like you’re being thoughtful and self-aware. But psychologists have found it’s actually one of the strongest predictors of anxiety and depression. The more you chew on the same thoughts, the worse you feel.

Susan Nolen-Hoeksema spent her career studying this and found that people who ruminate stay stuck in negative moods for longer. They’re not processing or problem-solving. They’re just cycling. Practising feeling bad.

So I’ve made a decision to focus on solutions and positive things. Not because I’m denying the negative exists, but because I’m choosing not to engage with it right now.

This is about being intentional with my energy.

Behavioural psychologists call it “behavioural activation”, acting your way into feeling better rather than waiting to feel better before you act. It’s a cornerstone of cognitive behavioural therapy because it actually works. When you start doing things aligned with where you want to be, your feelings catch up.

It’s not about being fake. It’s about refusing to stay stuck.

So here’s where I am: I’m done giving all my energy to what’s wrong. I’m done thinking that understanding every detail will somehow save me.

I’m taking responsibility for choosing differently. For focusing on action over analysis. For trusting that shifting where I put my attention might actually be the thing that helps.

I’m the only one who can decide to step out of this loop. And I’m done staying in it.

I used to think there was some moment in life where I’d finally feel like I knew what I was doing. That moment never came, and I now know why.

On some level, no one has a fu***ng clue what they’re doing and are just making it up as they go along.

That’s such a liberating thought, isn’t it?

There’s something deeply reassuring about recognising that everyone, from the person running a country, to someone delivering a TED talk, to that influencer who seems to have it all figured out, is essentially improvising to some degree.

I think what makes this realisation so comforting is that it takes away the crushing weight of comparison.

When you’re struggling with something and assume everyone else has it sorted, you feel uniquely inadequate. But when you realise that competence is often just confidence plus experience, and that most people are figuring things out as they go, it removes this invisible standard you’ve been measuring yourself against.

The people who seem most put-together are often just better at:

• Hiding their uncertainty
• Making decisions despite not having all the answers
• Learning from their mistakes without broadcasting them
• Projecting confidence even when they’re winging it

There’s also something humanising about it. It creates space for making mistakes, for not having a perfect plan, for changing your mind.

You stop waiting for the moment when you’ll magically “have it all figured out” and start accepting that life is more about navigating uncertainty than eliminating it.

“Listen.
I wish I could tell you it gets better.
But, it doesn’t get better.
You get better.”

Joan Rivers (Louie, 2011)

I love this quote.

It shifts the focus from external change (the problem getting better), to internal growth (you getting better).

It points out that you are the agent of change.

By facing difficulty, enduring it, learning from it, and developing resilience, strength, and wisdom, you become better equipped to handle the problems, and there will always be problems, that life throws at you.

Because true improvement doesn’t come from the world changing for you.

It comes from you changing to handle the world.

I haven’t admitted this to anyone yet.

I’ve only just admitted it to myself.

Since my holiday at the end of September, my mental health has been in a steady decline.
I know why, but I’m not prepared to share that yet.

But it’s now gotten to the point where I can no longer ignore it. I know what happens if I do.

I’ve been here before, many times.
In a way it’s a nice place to be, it’s familiar at least.
Change is easy here. Staying the same is not an option.

But, as I always do, I want to turn pain into purpose, the bad into good.

So here’s the plan.

I am going to build a better me in public.

I am going to share what I am doing, what I am experimenting with: the habits I’m testing, the routines I’m building, the insights I’m learning, the books I’m reading, everything.
What works, what doesn’t, the good days and the bad.

I am going to be honest with you and vulnerable.
I am going to share my story as I write it.

I don’t want to get back to where I was before, I want to go further, better, higher.

My posts here and my daily emails are what’s going to keep me accountable.
They’ll force me to reflect, to notice patterns in what actually helps and what doesn’t.
Maybe putting structure around the chaos will help me make sense of it.

Part of my brain is screaming, “why would people give a s**t?”.
And that’s fine. I’m not asking people to.

But I do want to make one thing clear. I am not doing this for validation or approval.
I am not weaponising vulnerability as some people do for attention.

My goal with this new direction, as it always has been, is that if what I share helps one person in some way, I am happy.

Writing this already feels lighter. Acting like I’ve got my s**t together when I don’t has been exhausting.

As the saying goes, the truth shall set you free.

This is step one.

I’ll share everything as I go, and I hope this journey, messy, honest, and real, might help someone else along the way.

Thanks for reading this today, I appreciate you.

Nice doesn’t change your life.

It’s Not Enough.

“It would be nice to get in shape.”
“It would be nice to have more money.”
“It would be nice to be less stressed.”

Nice is the language of people who quit.

Nice doesn’t get you out of bed at 5AM.
Nice doesn’t keep you going through the tenth rejection or the hundredth day of no results.

Nice is a wish. Not a commitment.

❌ The Problem with Nice
When things get hard, and they will, “nice” disappears.
It gives you no reason to keep going when every part of you wants to stop.

You know what survives the hard times?
A reason that actually matters.

Not a surface goal.
Not “it would be nice.”
But something real.
Something emotional.
Something that doesn’t feel like an option, but a necessity.

🙌🏽 What Actually Works
You need two things:
1️⃣ Something you refuse to go back to.
2️⃣ Something that pulls you forward.

Something that scares you when think about returning to it: the pain, the emptiness, the version of you that was just surviving.

And something that lights you up inside: the life, the peace, the pride you feel when you know you’re finally becoming who you’re meant to be.

For me, it’s simple:
I will not go back to depression. That version of me is gone.

And I want to see how far I can go. Not because it would be “nice,” but because I need to know. Because I’ve tasted what a good life feels like, and I’m not letting it go.

🧠 The Fire Test
When nothing’s working, does your reason still move you?
When doubt creeps in, does it remind of you who you’re becoming?
When you could take the easy path, does it say, “Don’t Quit”?

If the answer is no, it’s not a reason.
It’s a preference.

🔥 Find Your Fire
Stop asking what would be nice.
Start asking what you can’t live without.
What you refuse to go back to.
What would break your heart not to chase.

Nice is safe. Nice is soft. Nice is comfortable.

Nice changes nothing.

Find what matters to you so much you’d do anything for it.

Find the fire within you.

And then let that fire burn through every obstacle in the way.

This is what’s keeping you stuck.
The lie that you’ll do the thing when you “feel ready.” That moment isn’t coming. That perfect feeling of confidence & clarity doesn’t exist and while you’re waiting, your life is passing you by.

💪🏼 Ready is a decision, not a feeling.
Readiness is a choice you make despite fear, uncertainty & having no idea what you’re doing. Every person who’s done anything worthwhile did it before they felt ready. They made it happen while it felt uncomfortable.

❌ Conditions will never be perfect
“I’ll start when I have more money/time/energy.” When those conditions are met you’ll still find new reasons to wait. The issue was never circumstances, it was fear. There will always be something. Life never hands you a perfectly clear, risk-free moment.

🧠 Your brain is lying.
Your brain’s job is keeping you safe.
To your brain, “safe” means familiar, even if familiar is miserable. When you think about change, your brain provides every reason why now isn’t the right time. The feeling of “not being ready” isn’t a sign you shouldn’t do something, it’s a sign you’re about to do something that matters.

📈The sooner you start, the sooner you enjoy the results.
Every day you wait is another day you don’t have what you want.
Time is the one resource you can’t get more of.

🤕 Done badly beats not done at all.
You don’t need it figured out. Just start. Start badly. Start scared. Start with minimal resources.
When you begin, you learn. You get feedback. You build confidence through action, not waiting. The you that’s taken imperfect action for 6 months will be infinitely more capable than the you that spent 6 months “getting ready.”

😎 The truth
You’re as ready as you’ll ever be. The perfect moment isn’t coming. What you call “not being ready” is just being human. Everyone feels this way. Stop waiting. The time is right when you decide it is.
The sooner you act, the sooner you see results.
Not tomorrow.
Today.

The whole “I don’t need anybody” lone wolf fantasy is killing us.

We’ve romanticised isolation, turned self-sufficiency into a virtue, and convinced ourselves that needing people is a character flaw.
Meanwhile anxiety, depression & su***de rates keep climbing.

YOUR BRAIN DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR INDEPENDENCE COMPLEX
Your brain is hardwired for connection whether you like it or not. When isolated, your brain treats it like a threat. Studies show loneliness is as dangerous as smoking 15 ci******es a day. Social isolation increases inflammation, weakens immunity & messes with stress hormones.

WE BROKE COMMUNITY & WONDER WHY WE’RE BROKEN
Previous generations had neighbourhoods where people knew each other, extended families, regular gatherings. Now we’re more “connected” than ever & lonelier than we’ve ever been. We traded real community for social media validation, deep conversation for endless scrolling. Then we’re shocked when our mental health tanks.

WHAT COMMUNITY DOES:
• Keeps you sane when you’re spiralling.
• Calls you on your BS when you’re being self-destructive
• Makes life bearable: depression lies, but community reflects reality
• Gives you a reason: feeling like you matter to someone is everything

“BUT I’M AN INTROVERT”
Nobody’s saying become a social butterfly. The problem is using personality types or “I’m just independent” to avoid vulnerability. Yes, building community is hard & awkward. But you know what’s harder? Living with s**t mental health because you’re too proud to let people in.

STOP WAITING FOR COMMUNITY TO FIND YOU
You want community? Build it. Join something. Show up repeatedly. Actually talk to people. Be the one who reaches out first. You’ll go to awkward events. Some connections won’t work.
Do it anyway.

THE TRUTH
We can meditate, do therapy, optimise sleep & take every supplement. Those help.
But if you’re managing mental health in complete isolation, you’re fighting with one hand tied behind your back. You’re not built to do this alone.

Community isn’t optional, it’s a fundamental human need. Maybe it’s time to stop being so
independent & start being human instead.

The world tells us to chase happiness, to pursue the next achievement, the next destination, the next thing.

This was me.

But happiness is often situational, dependent on something external and fleeting. It’s a byproduct, not the goal itself.

Now I realise the deeper power of contentment.
It’s not the absence of problems; it’s the profound recognition that I can be okay, even grateful, in the middle of them.

It’s an inner state, not an external reward.

And it doesn’t have to be either/or, it can be both.

But, ironically, when you stop the pursuit of happiness and work on being content, you’ll often find you’re happier too.

Things I’m Grateful For This Week:

👥 The people I’ve met, meet, and the community .

🐶 Darker and cosier nights in watching a series or reading a book with Hudson.

📈 Getting back to health after having COVID.

💪🏼 The desire to make myself uncomfortable again in the name of something bigger and better.

🍩 Jam doughnuts.

Do you like yourself?

Wanting others to like you is normal.
But no amount of external approval matters if you don’t like yourself.

In fact, if you live your life purely for the approval of others, you will lose all sense of who the real you is. You may be popular, but probably also lost and unhappy.

It’s not about expecting yourself to be perfect.

It’s about treating yourself with the same care and respect you’d look for in any relationship.

Just like you value honesty, integrity, and character in others, you need to build and maintain those same qualities in yourself.

Relationships are improved, like anything else, through action.

If you want to like yourself a little more start here:

- Know what you stand for: Get clear on your values and align your actions with them.

- Do what you say you will: Build trust with yourself through evidence.

- Live life on your terms: Make choices that are yours, not others.

Do these, and you’ll naturally start liking yourself more.

Self-confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem will follow.