TRUTH Coaching

Every day is precious. Here are five reasons to love Mondays:

1 - It's Your Life
Life's about living, and that means every second of it. Have you ever broken down how much time you spend in a year doing different activities? If you sleep for eight hours a night, it adds up to a third of your life!

Now, if you decide to write off Mondays as part of the deal, you are kissing goodbye to 52 days of your year (based on a 16-hour waking day). That's a seventh of your life. I can't speak for you, but life is too short for me to dismiss one-seventh of it when I am already losing so much time to sleep, sitting in traffic jams, waiting in queues, and doing other monotonous tasks.

2 - It's a Step in the Right Direction
Even if you are not convinced by my other arguments, and you are a fully-fledged 'Friday worshipper', you can't get to where you want to be without passing through Monday on the way. This wonderful day takes you one step closer to where you want to be.

3 - No Better Time to Plan World Domination
We can't achieve anything without laying the foundations, and planning is everything. If you don't plan at the start of the week, when will you? Is it better to sluggishly crawl through Monday, clock-watching and expecting good things to happen spontaneously? Then what? Spend Tuesday catching up, only getting into your stride by Wednesday? Many of us know this path: it leads to winding down on Thursday because we have that 'tomorrow's Friday' feeling, and Friday becomes a day of fun and frivolity rather than hard work and productivity. We are all guilty, but it's childish... isn't it?

4 - Happiness is Here and Now
Some might say I have been with you for too long, but what is this notion of time?
This quote is taken from Sepp Blatter's 15-minute electoral address to FIFA a few years ago, when there were many calls for him to step down. Love him or hate him, that line was a corker. Time is a construct that can work for us... and against us. The more we think about what we are leaving behind or how much we want to be where we are going, the less satisfied we are with where we are right now. We create our own frustration. Yes, it is Monday, but the sun may shine regardless, birds will sing, and even if it rains, we may see a rainbow. Enjoy the moment. Monday is just a name after all.

5 - If You Got Through Today, You Can Get Through Any Day
Perhaps you have had a really awful day. Your kids have driven you mad over the weekend, and a newborn kept you awake through Sunday night. Maybe you were hit with an unexpected deadline or a disaster in your plans, and you're not going to make it home until 10 pm.

Tough days happen to us all. You know what? They make us tougher. Give yourself a pat on the back. You have survived the harsh reality of the Monday blues. Now you can put your feet up and look forward to conquering the world tomorrow.

Have a great week!

The biggest obstacle to growth is ego.

To grow in TRUTH starts with Transparency, recognising what you need to change about yourself.

Egos don't want to change.

Egos don't think they need to change.

Egos always think they are right.

We know this when we see other people's egos.

The problem is that the same holds true for our own egos, sitting in the blind spot, keeping us stuck.

Make Emptiness Your Strength When being flexible isn’t enough

What is freedom?

Are you as free as you would like to be?

People throw this word around, but what is it, and who really has freedom?

It strikes me that our freedom is shaped and limited by our choices.

For most of us:

- We have to work (for someone else, for ourselves, or as the owner of a business)
- We have to pay bills
- We have to look after ourselves
- We often have to take care of others
- We have to buy essentials

That changes the equation.

Some people will have more than enough money with one job.

Others build multiple revenue streams.

Some work long hours and plan for early retirement.

Many work hard and still struggle from month to month with no retirement plan in sight.

Sadly, some work multiple jobs and barely survive.

Those who depend on the state or charity have even fewer choices, even if they aren't committed to an employer's timetable.

When I meditate in the forest, I hope to discover something new, to sense fresh insight, to see things differently. I experience a shift in perspective every time.

Yesterday, as I watched squirrels playing in the branches and birds flying from tree to tree, it seemed that although the natural world is far more brutal than ours, animals experience a kind of absolute freedom.

Their relationship with survival is direct. They eat, or they don't. They escape, or they don't. It's harsh but fair.

This makes me wonder whether freedom, as we usually define it, is a bit of an illusion.

The question then becomes 'what can we do to create more freedom?' Not financial freedom - that's a different conversation.

Sure, you could refuse to go to work, leave you home and your bills, and go on the walk of life. Take your chances, sleep where you want, eat what you can find, accept whatever charity you receive, and wear whatever clothes you can take with you. It's freedom, but you won't get far. Our species is collaborative. We can't survive without cooperation with others.

Most real freedom comes from awareness. The more mindful you are, the earlier you make better decisions, and the more choices you create for your future self.

So, ask yourself:

Could you do work that aligns more closely with who you are?

Would you rather live somewhere else, even in another country?

When did you last try a new activity?

When did you last allow yourself to be bored?

Children are good at freedom. Even in difficult circumstances, life is still a game to them.

Do you remember that feeling?

Reclaim it.

Remember, TRUTH starts with Transparency. Are you where you want to be?

Let's talk about it.

Do other people's opinions matter to you?

Are you affected by insults?

How about disclosure? Are you afraid to reveal too much to people who don't need to know, who might attempt to weaponise sensitive information, or to make you feel ashamed?

I tend to think that people's fear of showing up fully stems from anxiety about how we will be judged.

A friend of mine used to say, "What other people think is none of my business."

Someone else once told me, or perhaps I read it somewhere, that negativity from out there is a gift we don't have to choose to accept.

We can't stop others from thinking what they want about us, talking about us, or even throwing insults at us. Trying to stop them is futile. But not showing up isn't the solution.

I am reminded of a poem from my book:

"The Unwanted Gift"

The unwanted gift falls on ears that won’t hear it,
Dances in front of eyes that won’t see it,
Attempts to break skin that is as tough as leather
And feels not a scratch.

It is returned to the sender because nobody will receive it,
Nor accept it as belonging to them,
Nor concern themselves with who sent it,
Nor fret about what it is or what it means.

This fuse cannot be lit,
This timer refuses to tick,
The damp powder cannot be ignited,
And there will be no explosions today.

There’s nobody to bounce off,
No ego to clash with,
No second hand to clap with,
No resistance to push against.

This peace cannot be disturbed.
This power cannot be given away.
My silence allows the truth to be heard,
And the truth is more brutal than anything I can say.

Keep your gift because you created it.
Enjoy what you’ve made. Now, you must live with it.
Nobody here will see, hear, or touch it.
It’s returned to sender; the unwanted gift.

"I'll Find You in the Forest" is a collection of poetic reflections on stillness, consciousness, and the human condition, will be available from Amazon in February.

The TRUTH approach throws up valuable questions:

Transparency - how does showing up make us feel?
Responsibility - are we ready to accept responsibility for those feelings?
Understanding - why do we feel that way?

Then we can move forward with Tenacity and Humility.

Humility is a strength. The more we cling to a policy of protecting the ego, the more vulnerable we make ourselves.

How do you feel about showing up? How do you deal with 'unwanted gifts'?

Can't see the wood for the trees?

Sometimes you need a different perspective.

It is easy to fall into the trap of lumping things together. Today becomes just another day. The hours roll by, and opportunities pass you by.

I go to my local 'forest' as often as I can, every day if possible. Over the years, I must have visited this tiny place thousands of times. And yet, even now, I find myself looking at an area as though it were the first time I had ever been there, in a site that is barely the size of two or three tennis courts.

It isn't that I have never looked around.

The shift is more subtle than that. It's a change in mindset. The change is in expectations.

When you're stuck in a rut, you see what you expect to see. The same problems. The same barriers. All the same reasons why you can't overcome the obstacles. You can't see that the problems are imaginary. They are based on beliefs and assumptions that you have never challenged.

You need to look at your life with fresh eyes.

It's the lens that changes.

That's why we all need a coach.

My job is to help you rediscover your situation with a better, more constructive, clearer mindset.

T is for Transparency

What needs to change for you to grow?

What is getting in your way?

Many people will answer these questions by pointing to things outside of themselves - new qualifications, a change of job, or a pay rise.

If you are working towards those changes by studying diligently and passing exams, taking steps to change your career, or actively house-hunting or mortgage shopping, that's great.

If you are not, you have to look somewhere else to find the answer. Why aren't you progressing? What's getting in the way of study? Why are you not even applying for the jobs you say you want to do?

When we are stuck, the issue is often closer to home. It's something in ourselves that we need to change.

That's why the TRUTH Coaching model starts with transparency. Let's get real. Let's look at what is really going on. It's easy to blame outside factors, but when we are honest with ourselves, many of the things we try to blame for our failure to find fulfilment are excuses.

So, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself where you think you might be going wrong. No one else needs to know. Only you.

Still struggling?

I create a safe space for people to grow, and I will gently challenge you with the tough questions you need to consider to discover your truth. And when you do, I will hold your hand and encourage you to make the changes you need to make to move beyond where you are now.

Use my link to book a discovery call:

[email protected]/" rel="ugc" target="_blank">https://outlook.office.com/book/[email protected]/

Happy New Year!

How many are going to be shouting that from the rooftops this morning?

The New Year is an opportunity to reset, reflect, and go again.

But here's the thing: you can and you SHOULD be doing that continually.

Every night, we go through a kind of death. We let go of the day, the waking state, and allow our body and mind to repair. All being well, if we sleep well, we are refreshed and ready to start all over again in the morning.

The new day is another opportunity to see things differently, to be honest with ourselves and ask how we can get more out of life, be our best selves, and plant seeds for a more prosperous tomorrow.

In the Tai Chi classics, we are told to:

Seek the Straight in the Curved

When we look closely enough at a curve, it appears straight, just as the Earth seems flat until we look at it from space.

A Hair's Breadth Makes the Difference

"A deviation of a hair's breadth leads to a thousand miles astray."

So, if we only reflect on where we're going once a year, we can easily end up deviating quite significantly from where we should be.

Mastering one's life is about maintaining a constant state of self-awareness, so we can stay on course. The New Year is useful for waking people up from their slumber, but the time for transformation is NOW.

Drop me a line if you would like some help with your transformation.

Whatever you celebrate at this time of year, I wish you all the best.

Happy holidays!

This light-hearted but sincerely written piece touches the heart of what TRUTH Coaching is about - awareness, responsibility, and the courage to look honestly at ourselves in relationships.

At the core, the more we understand and feel comfortable with who we are, the better prepared we are to enter into healthy relationships with others.

If you're interested in this kind of inner work, you might find this useful.

Five Reasons Your Relationships Are Failing After almost three decades of serial monogamy, more break-ups than I can remember, and one dysfunctional relationship after another, it is…

Are you a worrier?

The TRUTH is that many of the things we worry about are things that could happen to most people:

Finances
Health
Career
Social
Family

Why do some of us worry while other people are eternal optimists?

It depends on how you think about the future.

Here is a great place to start:

- Anything can happen
- Most things are out of our control
- Today's actions can bring about better outcomes
- Worrying achieves nothing
- We live in the present

These ideas turn into useful questions.

- What can I control?
- What can I do today to make tomorrow better?
- What can I do today to make TODAY better?
- What am I grateful for?

And if you are feeling brave or you're finding it hard to brush aside negative thoughts, try these:

- What is the worst thing that can happen?
- If that happens, how will I get through it? (Others usually have!)

Those last two questions are not for the faint-hearted, but believe me when I tell you I have used that method to overcome anxiety, and it can be very empowering.

And the most empowering question you can ask, which falls squarely within the TRUTH framework (transparency, responsibility, understanding, tenacity, and humility):

- Who am I, regardless of how my circumstances change?
- What is the constant at the centre of my being?

When you find your centre, you can seek refuge there at any time.

I found refuge in my centre after the death of my eldest son. As brutal as it sounds, I reminded myself that I was here before him. Some parents lose their children, sometimes as babies, sometimes before they are born.

Whatever you are afraid of, someone has been through it - AND WORSE.

Know your TRUTH. Stay present. Take positive actions, even if you can't think positive thoughts. Ask the questions that will lead to positive action.

So you think YOU'VE got problems? Putting aside loss of life and threats to health, what material disasters do you most fear?

Unemployment?

Homelessness?

Business collapse?

Divorce?

Last night, I left the gym, threw my bag into the boot of my car and started the drive home. A notification popped up. Boot open.

I got out of the vehicle to open and close the boot... except it wouldn't open. It still hasn't opened.

The boot thing is one more headache I don't need. Oh, along with the smoke alarm downstairs that went off for no reason when no one was cooking. Only for a second, but still concerning.

I am going to open the boot from the inside later today when the weather reports say we will hit a magnificent four degrees Centigrade - warm enough to solve any temperature-related problems with the boot's locking mechanism.

In the middle of the night, at 3 AM, I woke up warm (too many duvets) and thirsty. No cold water. Went to the first tap of the house, the one in the kitchen. Nothing. My mind raced. Is this an issue that I will have to pay for or something that's hitting others in my street?

One person's drama is another's walk in the park.

Someone else's drama put my woes into perspective this morning.

I have known this man for around seven years. He is a great guy - successful, smart, highly motivated, and he has superb values and integrity.

Knowing that he grew up a stone's throw from the house I was born in makes his achievements even more impressive. He created his future and deserves everything he has managed to build.

Well, 2.5 weeks ago, his phone was snatched, and the thieves got into everything. They cleared his crypto, bank accounts, everything. He lost six figures. I am not betraying any confidences here.

I knew he had taken a hit, and since the theft, he has posted about what a dark time it has been for him. But I didn't realise they had accessed all of his accounts until today. Cleared out.

Dark time?

I think it would have been the end for many.

He hasn't just coped. He has shone. Talk about mental and spiritual strength!

When someone doesn't have two pennies to rub together, makes a fiver and loses it, the 'it's only money' philosophy kind of makes sense. It's not life-changing for that individual.

To suffer the kind of blow that my friend has gone through. Devastating.

Despite many of the hard life lessons I have endured, his post this morning was up there as one of the greatest sources of strength.

If he can get through that, I can get through my challenges.

You can get through yours.

My friend's response to disaster embodies the TRUTH framework:

Transparency - the thieves are responsible for everything that happened, but he reflected honestly on what he could have done to stop a phone theft growing into a much bigger problem.

Responsibility - having done everything he could to prevent loss, he is moving forward with careful planning and decision-making. He is determined to make his money back but quicker this time.

Understanding - instead of complaining, he has taken steps to understand what happened and ensure it never happens again.

Tenacity - many would have sank, beaten and exhausted. He has maintained a positive mental attitude throughout.

Humility - they took his money. They couldn't take his spirit. He has stayed grounded. That's where his strength comes from.