Cleft Warrior Woman

Tomorrow the first of three conversations between Ella and me will be shared on ‘The Cleft Conversations’

Ella is 19 now. She was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate in Singapore in 2007, and for so many years I have held both her experiences and my experiences as her mum very carefully. They are both connected and very separate.

They are both precious and important.

And there is a difference between sharing ‘about’ our children and creating space ‘with’ them, when they are ready, in a way that honours their voice too, more than that, in a way that gives them agency and confidence.

In these conversations, we talk about some of the real things.

One of the things Ella said, which I know is so important for parents to feel into, is this…

“They ( your child ) may feel different, and that’s okay.”

Because we are frightened that our children may feel different. I was.

But feeling different does not mean they are broken.

It does not guarantee anything will definitely present as a challenge for them.

It means they were born with a cleft and they may experience these feelings. Remove the story.

The deeper work for us is not to panic at the thought of our children feeling different, not to sit in the heartbreak if you hear them speak about themselves in a hard to hear way, but to support, guide and help them feel safe, loved, capable and whole inside their identity. Alongside their experiences, whatever they are.

To do this we have to look at the fear we carry too.

Our fear is valid.

But it is not theirs to carry. And they WILL feel it, so better to name, own and be with it, than to deny and push through.

Authenticity builds connection and connection builds safety.

So, in support of Face Equality International Week and Cleft Lip and Palate Awareness Week, we are sharing these conversations with YOU ❤️

As a mother and daughter who have navigated a lot.

On this episode we have a conversation that I hope will help another family feel less alone.

The first episode with Ella will be out tomorrow.

I really hope it reaches the parents who need it.

❤️

One of the most special parts of this journey is the people I get to meet along the way.

Sometimes those conversations begin through a portrait commission.

Sometimes they begin because someone is seeking deeper support, understanding, or awareness around the impact cleft can have on our relationships, our bodies, our behaviours, and our sense of self.

And sometimes, like tonight, it simply feels like meeting extended family.

This evening I had the loveliest hour on Zoom with the amazing Luci Capo Rome, hearing about her life, her family, and her story.

There is something incredibly powerful about connecting with people who understand the cleft journey in some way — whether personally, as a parent, or through someone they love. There is always something to learn from each other ❤️

Thank you, Luci, for such a beautiful conversation. I cannot wait to see you in Kansas City this summer, and I’m so excited to share the evolution of your portrait as it comes to life.

These meetings are honestly one of my favourite parts of this work. The stories. The connection. The humanity. The laughs !! The reminder that none of us are walking this path alone.

If you’re interested in commissioning a portrait or connecting with me online, send me a DM. I’d really love to hear from you. ❤️

A little late in sharing this, but it’s such an important part of the journey we are on!!! So I wanted to make a post and reflect on what a powerful experience it was to attend the American Cleft Palate-Craniofacial Association Annual Meeting in March.

It was a quick but brilliant trip and an inspiring few days, surrounded by so many people from across the cleft and craniofacial world;clinicians, surgeons, researchers, advocates, organisations and individuals all bringing their own experience, knowledge and heart to this work.

I felt truly welcomed. It was really like meeting extended family ❤️

And the response to the artwork was beautiful.

I was so proud to be able to take 12 portraits with me and share some of the stories behind these faces.

These portraits are not just drawings.

They are invitations. Invitations to pause. To look differently. To see the person, the story, the humanity, the beauty, the complexity, and the lived experience beyond the medical pathway.

I met so many incredible people doing powerful, compassionate, and deeply needed work in this space.

Conversations were had that I will carry with me for a long time.

And now, I am even more excited for what comes next.

This July and August, the 100 Cleft Portraits exhibition will be travelling across America, and I cannot wait to share even more of these beautiful faces and stories with communities across the country.

Each site will be creating something unique for them; exhibitions, galas, art workshops, educational opportunities, family events and ways for people to come together.

So, if you know your cleft team is involved, or you can see your city on the tour map, please reach out to them. Ask how you can support. Come along. Bring your family. Bring your friends. Come and say hello.

Let’s make this more than an exhibition.

Let’s make it a movement of art, creativity, lived experience, awareness and connection.

A chance to see cleft not only through the lens of surgery or treatment, but through the eyes of being human.

Because these faces matter.
These stories matter.
And the way we see difference matters too.

America, I cannot wait to bring this work to you.

Are you coming?!?!

Let me know in the comments ⬇️🌟🙌

Thank you to the American Cleft Palate Craniofacial Association - ACPA for presenting my work. We are so grateful to our sponsors too. MyFace, Smile Train, Children’s Mercy and Virginia B Toulin foundation ❤️❤️❤️