18/09/2026
There are weeks that are quiet and calm. And there are weeks that feel like a wild, rushing waterfall. My last two weeks have been exactly like that in preparation for the RDS expo on 2-4 October.
A long time ago, when I work full-time, I noticed that my productivity and creativity are much higher when I have a deadline. You know, the kind of deadline you can’t move.
And I LOVE it. It’s my dopamine, adrenaline and all that wonderful neurochemistry :)
I used to fight this part of myself - the part that needs adrenaline. But not so long ago, I accepted it. And now I give it what it likes - through sport, travelling, new experiences, deadlines, stepping out of my comfort zone, when your mind is scared but you are already stepping forward and doing it...
Many years ago, I used to feed this need unconsciously by creating drama, problems and then getting myself out of them.
Then I tried to change myself. To become calm. Because, in my understanding at the time, that was how conscious, spiritual people were supposed to be.
But it didn’t work very well :)
It would come out sideways through unpleasant situations that I still had to find my way out of. And they gave me exactly what I needed: that feeling of movement, intensity, of life being active.
When I finally accepted that THIS IS ME, this is how I am - I want newness, wild emotions, strong experiences - there started to be fewer unpleasant situations in my life. I consciously replaced them with healthy ways of giving myself what I need.
I guess I will never be that typical social media image of a calm spiritual person. I will always be a little (or not so little) Crazy Oksie 😄
Do you see what I mean?
If you reject some part of yourself and try to squeeze it into a socially accepted version of who you are supposed to be, it will find another way out. And it may create problems for you.
That’s why it’s important to discover your Shadows, accept them, and find healthy ways to give them space in your life. And to discover how much JOY and life force was locked inside them.