Greenfields of timrise

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I know that all these sleepless nights, you never cross my mind. When I'm reading the favorite book of ours, I can never visualize your shadows anymore. When I'm talking to the moon, I can no longer feel your presence.
When I plugged my earphones in and start playing the playlist I made for you, the rhythm doesn't soothes me. When the last glimpse of sunsets strikes my eyes, I didn't ask for another sunrise, for I was okay with it— to your last farewell.
(But that's what I thought.)
Let me hate you for once, so your traces left behind could fade slowly into my whole system. Let me hate you for once, so the words we exchanged with each other can no longer play inside my four cornered room.
Let me hate you for once, so that our tattooed "i love you's" doesn't gave me butterflies inside. And please, let me hate you for once so that my body won't trigger to send those letters and "i miss you's" and hoping for your "too's".
As the shooting stars dive into the ocean of midnight sky, I didn't notice that my eyes are also showering a bucket full of tears that made me weak. Those constellations where I used to draw your beautiful face are slowly vanishing no matter how hard I tried to keep them close.
How can you easily unloved someone who had been your safest haven?
How can you easily unloved someone who can reflect your soul with?
How can you easily unloved someone when you don't want to, but you have to?

And in all the things that are almost, our story that was not given a chance to begin is still my sweetest pain.
I told myself that "When I witness one shooting star tonight, I will already close the pages and finally forget you."
But then again, here I am standing still,
shaking and whispering your name. I'm sorry. I know you don't want me to feel this way. To wait.
"My Lov—..

For people who used to know me,
the old version of me inside your mind no longer exists; through days, weeks and months I spent without interacting with you, I found peace, at least — that also led me to figure out what was wrong with me.
I know that I made a lot of mistakes, I had flaws, I was the toxic one, and it was all because that I was hurting.
Healing isn't linear, but I do admit that I'm becoming more better than I was and still getting better. It doesn't take time to heal, it takes courage and strength to put down the pain and bury them underneath the ground.
I feel better. I'm still getting better. I'm still trying to be. I forgave those who hurt me and I'm asking for forgiveness for those I hurt.
If you think that you still want to reconnect with me, then go on. But please, erase the old version of me inside your mind.
The person you used to know no longer exists, thank you.

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