Mercy Olorunsaye - Emotional Healing Hub

I went to purchase something from my customer and we do relate very well.

I watched her comparing her daughter to another daughter of hers in a demeaning way. I saw the girl’s countenance and I told the woman that comparing children to each other is not right. She said it will help the girl in question to buckle up.

Reading the body language of that girl, i knew that was the first time the mother is doing the unhealthy comparison. Many parents are on this table, they do not know the emotional damage they are causing by this habit of comparing one child to each other, especially in a demeaning way.

You see that habit, ehn! it damages a child’s self-esteem, causes sibling's rivalry and distance. When you always demean a child in the presence of her siblings, she may not bond with you and when the child eventually becomes an adult, you will then notice the wide gap and start complaining the child is not reaching out to you as she/he ought to, what you do not understand is that the child (now adult) is battling with the trauma of those demeaning words in the name of comparison.

If you are an adult in this shoe and you have low self-esteem, this is the root cause of the low self-esteem. I want you to know that God loves you irrespective of your imperfections. Your parent may have made you feel unloved, irrespective of all that has happened to you in the past, God loves you. You are the best version of yourself. You do not need to act like another person just to be loved.

You are loved.

©️ Mercy Olorunsaye
Emotional Healing Advocate
Guiding Teens | Youths | Parents | Women
Coach for Emotional Strength and Growth

Mercy Olorunsaye - Emotional Healing Hub

There are children who grew up in love and there are children who grew up learning how to read the room to survive.

Jonathan was one of them.

His father, Saul, was not always like that. He was chosen, anointed, and full of promise. But something shifted, fear, insecurity, jealousy and it began to spill into everything… including his home.

Imagine growing up with a father you couldn’t predict.One moment he’s calm, the next moment he’s throwing a spear in anger.Not at a stranger, but at people you love. Even at you.

Jonathan loved his father. But he also loved truth and that became his silent battle.

How do you honor a parent who is hurting you?

How do you stay loyal without losing yourself?

How do you love someone and still refuse to become like them?

So Jonathan adapted.

He became wise too early.

Strong too early.

Careful too early.

He learned when to speak.

When to stay quiet.

When to step in.

When to step back.

Not because he wanted to, but because survival taught him.

Some of us understand this too well.

You grew up in homes where:

Love came with fear

Peace depended on someone else’s mood

And you had to mature faster than your age

You became the “strong one”…But nobody asked if you were okay.

Yet, Jonathan’s story didn’t end in bitterness.

He didn’t let his father’s brokenness corrupt his own heart.He chose loyalty without enabling wrong.He chose love without losing his values.

And that right there is the message:

You can come from a wounded environment and still choose wholeness.

Not every child raised in chaos becomes chaos.Some become healing.

Some become different.

Some become the ones who say:“It stops with me.”

You are not just a product of what hurt you.You are also a product of what you choose to heal.

So let me ask you…

What did your childhood teach you that you are now trying to unlearn?

©️ Mercy Olorunsaye
Emotional Healing Advocate
Guiding Teens | Youths | Parents | Women
Coach for Emotional Strength and Growth

Mercy Olorunsaye - Emotional Healing Hub

Isaac married Rebekah, and Elkanah married Hannah and Peninnah.

Both families had the same issue (barrenness). Isaac went to God in prayer, and God answered him. Elkanah, on the other hand, married another woman. Instead of standing in the gap for his family like Isaac did, he chose a different path. The moment Peninnah had children, Elkanah seemed unconcerned.

The Bible records that only Hannah was praying to God for the fruit of the womb; her husband did not join her.
Challenges arose in both families. One head of the home chose to seek God in prayer, while the other, a so-called head, chose to replace his wife.

Can you see the difference?

Some men are like Elkanah, very selfish. If Elkanah truly loved his wife like Isaac did, he would have joined her in prayer.

As a single lady, do not marry a selfish man like Elkanah, who would think of replacing you when challenges arise. A man like Isaac is the correct husband material.

©️ Mercy Olorunsaye
Emotional Healing Advocate
Guiding Teens | Youths | Parents | Women
Coach for Emotional Strength and Growth

Mercy Olorunsaye - Emotional Healing Hub

You can only unlearn this when emotional healing takes place.

Some people didn’t grow up in love…

They grew up learning how to survive love.

Love sounded like raised voices.

It felt like walking on eggshells.

It looked like “I care about you” followed by control, silence, or sudden anger.

You studied people’s moods just to stay safe.

You learned when to speak… and when to disappear.

You became an expert at adjusting yourself so you wouldn’t be the reason things went wrong.

And now?

Now peace feels unfamiliar.

Too quiet… almost suspicious.

When someone is gentle with you, you start wondering:

“What do they really want?”

“When will this change?”

When there’s no chaos, your mind creates it.

Because a part of you is still waiting for the moment everything turns.

So you pull back.

You overthink.

You sabotage something good… before it has the chance to hurt you.

Not because you don’t want love.

But because the only version of love you knew… came with fear and that is childhood trauma.

And somehow, your heart learned:

“If it doesn’t feel intense… it’s not real.”

But deep down, there’s a quiet part of you

Tired of the noise…

Tired of the tension…

Tired of confusing pain for connection.

A part of you that just wants to be held… without fear.

Loved… without conditions.

Safe… without having to earn it.

And maybe that part of you is why you’re still here… reading this.

Because something in you knows love was never supposed to feel like war. 💔

©️ Mercy Olorunsaye
Emotional Healing Advocate
Guiding Teens | Youths | Parents | Women
Coach for Emotional Strength and Growth

The Quiet Lies You’ve Been Living With.

Nobody said it out loud… but you learned it anyway.

“I’m not enough.”

“My voice doesn’t matter.”

“If I make a mistake, I’ll be rejected.”

So you over perform.

You overthink.

You shrink yourself just to be accepted.

And the painful part?

You’ve lived with these thoughts for so long… they started to feel like truth.
But they didn’t start with you.

©️ Mercy Olorunsaye
Emotional Healing Advocate
Guiding Teens | Youths | Parents | Women
Coach for Emotional Strength and Growth

There’s a hard truth many people are just beginning to confront: not everything passed down from older generations is wisdom, some of it is wounded survival dressed as tradition.

In many homes, especially in older times, certain practices were normalized, even honored, yet they quietly planted deep emotional wounds.

One of the most common was the silencing of women.

A woman was expected to endure, no matter the cost. Her voice was often buried under phrases like “a good wife keeps her home” or “endure for the sake of the children.” Over time, this created generations of women who learned to suppress their needs, ignore their pain, and equate suffering with virtue.

Another was the glorification of self-abandonment.

Dreams were sacrificed on the altar of marriage. Careers were dropped, passions dismissed, identity reduced to roles, wife, mother, keeper of peace.

While sacrifice in itself is not wrong, the absence of choice and the loss of self created quiet resentment and unhealed grief.

There was also emotional neglect disguised as discipline. Children were not allowed to express emotions freely.

Crying was weakness.

Questioning elders was disrespect.

Love was often assumed, but not expressed.

This left many adults today struggling to communicate, to feel safe in vulnerability, or even to understand their own emotions.

And then, the culture of secrecy and shame.

Family issues were hidden. Abuse was covered.

Pain was swallowed. “What will people say?” became more important than “What is actually happening to us?” This bred generations who suffer in silence and feel guilty for even acknowledging their wounds.

These patterns did not start because our elders were evil. Many of them were simply surviving the only way they knew how. But survival is not the same as healing.

Healing begins with awareness.

You have to first recognize that pain can be inherited, but it does not have to be continued. Just because something was normalized does not mean it was healthy.

Then comes permission to feel. Many people are walking around with unprocessed grief, anger, and disappointment that was never given space.

Healing requires honesty, being able to say, “That hurt me,” without guilt.

Next is redefining beliefs. You have to challenge the internal narratives you were given:

“Endurance equals love”

“My needs don’t matter”

“Speaking up is disrespect”

Replace them with truth:

Love does not require losing yourself.

Your voice matters.

Boundaries are not rebellion, they are wisdom.

Another powerful step is forgiveness with understanding, not denial.

This doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior, but releasing yourself from the emotional hold it has on you. Many of our elders gave what they had, even if it was broken.
And finally, intentional healing practices, this could be prayer, journaling, seeking counsel, or building healthier relationships. Since your heart leans toward faith, this part matters deeply: healing is not just emotional, it is spiritual.

There is a place in God where broken patterns are interrupted. Where you are not just coping, but being restored.

You are not dishonoring your lineage by choosing differently.

You are redeeming it.

And sometimes, the most powerful way to honor those before you is to heal what they could not.

We are eradicating the unhealthy cultures and traditions that has caused more harm than good.

©️ Mercy Olorunsaye
Emotional Healing Advocate
Guiding Teens | Youths | Parents | Women
Coach for Emotional Strength and Growth

Mercy Olorunsaye - Emotional Healing Hub

Michael was 35 when life gave him a fresh start in a new city.

New environment.

New people.

New possibilities.

And then… he met Beatrice.
She was 29, graceful, grounded, and doing well for herself. A woman of faith. The kind of woman you don’t just admire… you feel peace around. What started as a simple connection quickly became something deeper. Calls turned into long conversations. Days without hearing from each other felt incomplete.

Six months later, Michael knew, this is the woman I want to spend my life with.
So, he took her home.

“Good afternoon, my darling. Michael has said so much about you. You are welcome. Your name is Beatrice, right?” His mother’s voice was warm. His father smiled in quiet approval.

Beatrice relaxed.

“Thank you, ma. I’m happy to be here too.”

Then came a simple question… the kind that changes everything.

“Which state are you from?”

“I’m from Akwa Ibom… Uyo, to be precise.”

Silence.

Then

“Uyo WHAT?!”

The air shifted instantly.

Beatrice’s smile faded.

Michael froze.

“Mom… what happened?”
But his mother was no longer calm. Something deep, something buried had just been triggered.

“Uyo women are a NO-GO AREA! Painful things have happened. That place is not for this family!”
And just like that, love was no longer enough.

“Mom, Dad… please. This is the woman I love,” Michael pleaded, his voice breaking.
“Whatever happened in the past… please don’t let it destroy my future.”

But pain that is not healed… does not listen to logic.

“Never! Not while I am alive. Young lady, leave my house!”
Tears welled up in Beatrice’s eyes.

And in that moment, she made a painful decision.
“Michael… I don’t want to come between you and your parents. Let’s go our separate ways.”

She chose peace… even if it meant losing love.

But Michael wasn’t ready to let go.

Months passed.

Conversations.

Pleading.

Silence.

Tension.

Until one day… he asked the question his mother had avoided for 35 years.

“Mom… why?”

And that day… the wound finally spoke.

“It was 1988…”
Her voice trembled.
“I had a friend… no, not just a friend. She was my closest person. I trusted her with everything. I even made her my chief bridesmaid.”
She paused, tears forming.

“I got pregnant immediately after my wedding. She used to visit often… I felt safe with her.” “But your father warned me. He said something wasn’t right about her. I didn’t listen.”

Her voice broke.

“One day… she cooked for me.”
“I didn’t know… she had poisoned the food.”

Silence filled the room.

“She served both of us. She ate quickly… and left.”

“I would have died… if not for God and our neighbors.”
Michael’s eyes filled with tears.

“And the baby?”

“…I lost him.”

Decades of buried pain… pouring out in one moment.
“She wanted my life… my husband… everything.”

Then came the sentence that shaped her heart for 37 years:
“And she was from Uyo, I even heard later most ladies in their families sn**ch people's husbands”

Pain had built a wall.

A silent vow:

“Never again.”

Michael moved closer, his voice gentle.

“Mom… I’m so sorry.”
Then he asked softly:
“Do vehicles have accidents?”

She looked confused. “Yes…”

“Do people still use vehicles?”

“…Yes.”

“If one vehicle has an accident… does it mean all vehicles will?”

Silence.

Tears.

Truth.

“Mom… what happened to you was real. The pain is real. But not everyone is your past.”

“You’ve carried this wound for too long.”
“That reaction you had… it didn’t come from today. It came from something that never healed.”
“Mom… you deserve healing too.”

Something shifted.

Not outside.

Inside.

The wall… cracked.

The pain… softened.

The truth… settled.

“Thank you, my son…”
Her voice was lighter now.
“I didn’t know I was still holding on.”
“Bring her to me.”

When Beatrice returned, she was unsure… cautious… guarded.

But this time, the atmosphere was different.
Michael’s mother walked up to her… gently.

“I’m sorry, Beatrice.”

No pride.

No defense.

Just truth.

“I allowed my pain to judge you.”
“Please forgive me.”

Then she said the words that healing makes possible:

“You have my blessing.”

Sometimes… it’s not hatred.
It’s unhealed pain trying to protect itself.
But healing begins the moment we stop asking:
“What happened to me?”
…and start asking:
“What is this pain turning me into?”

Mercy Olorunsaye - Emotional Healing Hub

©️ Mercy Olorunsaye
Emotional Healing Advocate
Guiding Teens | Youths | Parents | Women
Coach for Emotional Strength and Growth

With Immanuela Chinonyelum Nwaigwe – I just got recognized as one of their top fans! 🎉

You were never allowed to fall apart.

Not because life was easy, but because everyone around you needed you to hold it together.

So you became the strong one.

The one who fixes.

The one who shows up.

The one who swallows pain and says, “I’m fine.”
Even when you were not.

You learned how to wipe your tears quickly
because nobody was coming to ask why you were crying.

You learned how to carry your own burdens and somehow, carry other people’s too.
And now?

Rest feels strange to you.

Receiving love feels suspicious.

And putting yourself first feels like guilt.

Because strength became your identity,
not your choice.

But hear this gently:

God never asked you to break in silence just to prove you are strong.

Matthew 11:28 says
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Not performance.

Not pretending.

Not perfection.

Rest.

You don’t have to earn love.

You don’t have to deserve rest.

You don’t have to keep proving that you can handle everything.

You are allowed to be held too.

You are allowed to say, “I’m not okay.”

You are allowed to receive without overthinking it.

You are allowed to heal, slowly, deeply, truthfully.
Even if nobody around you notices the cracks…

God does.

And He cares about the parts of you that everyone else overlooks.

So to the “strong one” reading this:
You are not weak for feeling tired.

You are human.

And you don’t have to carry this alone anymore.

If this spoke to you, don’t scroll past it.

Type “I receive rest” in the comments.

Let this be the moment you stop surviving… and start healing

______________________
Emotional Healing Advocate
Guiding Teens | Youths | Parents | Women
Coach for Emotional Strength and Growth

©️ Mercy Olorunsaye

Mercy Olorunsaye - Emotional Healing Hub

Avoid allowing your children to live with others. The wickedness some people show towards children who are not theirs is alarming.
©️ Mercy Olorunsaye