Vanessa Lee Curley

Dela

I teach people how to transform their relationships to themselves and improve their love lives.

20/11/2024

08/03/2024

What is the difference between essence and energy? How does it affect your relationship?
This one sentence improves communication in your relationships 🤩

03/11/2023

Family...

Family comes in different forms. Today, this photo shows my husband Karl, my biological son Zach, and me. Karl is Zach's step dad. As many of you know- Zach is autistic. The past thirteen years have been a roller-coaster of emotions, challenges, and experiences that, at one point, separated, and after honest, thoughtful, direct, and loving conversations unified us as a family.

Learning how to blend a family took a lot of work. As a couple, we have chosen to build our relationship on being committed to one another, learning to communicate clearly and concisely ( which is not always easy- quitè honestly scary), and practice compromising for the greater good of our relationship and not always for ourselves as individuals.

Together, we have four adult humans. Karl has two children from a previous marriage. Theo and Zelma are my stepchildren. Zach's step siblings.

I also have a chosen daughter named Amber. She is, in Zach's words, his sister for eighteen years. She calls Karl, Papa, as the rest of us do because we are a family.

We are not perfect, and I know all four of our kids will tell you we each are committed to being honest, thoughtful, and direct in how we choose to communicate with one another. We don't always like what we hear. God knows I was a raving lunatic sometimes as a stepmother, thinking my stepchildren hated me. Until I began using effective communication techniques to help me get out of my emotions and into theirs.

Seeking to understand my four kids' perspective instead of imposing my own childhood traumatic narrative unto them helped us have a better relationship after the screaming matches that effectively lead to a breakdown in our relationships with ourselves and the kids.

In order to save our relationship as a family, we choose to seek to understand one another as well as seek to be understood. This is a much different communication style than that of my childhood.

Families come in different shapes and sizes. The most important component to every relationship is love, followed by mutual respect and trust.

Fill your marvelous life daring to be better to yourself so you may be better with others.

Much love 💜

22/09/2023

Wise words!!

Lean into your shadows and focus on becoming the best version of yourself.

It takes being vulnerable, accountable, and responsible for yourself, but nothing in life worth having ever comes for free.

You are the most valuable person in your life. Treat yourself as the treasure you are 💜

Much love,
Vanessa

22/09/2023

Who do you lean on when times are tough?

Having a group of friends who support you and tell you the truth - even when you don't want to hear it is immeasurable.

Varied ages offer a diverse pool of knowledge in which to share and offer counsel.

Who do you seek counsel from?

Who sits on your advisory board?

Thank you,
for being my rocks to anchor to in every storm 💜

Much love,
Vanessa

14/09/2023

The navy seals use it.
Why not you?

The Box Technique helps to calm the mind and body during times of stress. Research suggests it may also be helpful in reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression, and improving attention and cognitive function.

This process works by distracting your mind as you count to four, calming your nervous system, and decreasing stress in your body.

Write in the comments below how you used the box technique, how you were able to focus on your problem and find a solution.

Much love,
Vanessa 💜

27/08/2023

You are the most important person in your life. Treat yourself as you treat your best friend.

Much 💜
Vanessa

10/08/2023

Look upon each stone as wisdom gained.

Every day, we experience challenges in our relationships with our spouses, family, colleagues, and friends.

How you show up for yourself in your relationships is based on your ability to clearly express your wants, needs, desires, and boundaries. This is a learned skill.

When I was thirteen, my father died of cancer. This affected my emotional development, for I lived most of my teens and 20s, ensuring that everyone else's needs were met and not my own.

I made a lot of decisions based on what my friends, boyfriend, or spouses wanted in order to gain approval. I was looking for safety in what others thought of me because I did not know how to feel safe within myself, and this action eviscerated my self-esteem.

I recognized that this is not the way to have or build healthy relationships and choose to do something different. This is where my love for personal development, psychology, health, and nutrition began.

This is where I learned you CAN change your patterns of behavior and alter your outcome.

Did you know the word "NO" is a full sentence? The first thing I learned was the power of saying no. That is a stone of wisdom.

The second thing I learned is asking myself - what are the things I desire, I want, I need. This action led to me being at peace with myself. That is a stone of wisdom

This is where I learned how to feel safe within myself. That is also a stone of wisdom.

A collection of these stones is present in the photo.

Ask yourself:
"What stones of wisdom have I gained?"

" How do my choices influence my life?"

"What decisions do I make now in order to attain the life of my dreams?"

"What behavior am I exhibiting that prevents me from being vulnerable with my spouse?

"Do I express my wants, needs, desires clearly and concisely?" If not, why not?

Then ask yourself," Do I know my wants, needs, or desires?" Go discover them!

These questions are self- reflective, which helps you go deeper into who you are and what you want. You will discover more about yourself. That is definitely many stones of wisdom.

Much love 💜

-love

29/05/2023

Half the battle is admitting there is a problem...

When we choose to not solve our problems; that is the place where anxiety flourishes, we feel pain and we numb ourselves because we stay in pain.

We each experience hurt, betrayal, and disappointment. The question is - what do you do with the challenge as it presents itself?

Do you run away and hide?
Do you fight it?
Do you freeze in stillness because you don't know what to do?

Part of being a better adult is recognizing we each are in complete control over the direction of our own individual life.

When we don't know what to do or how to do it? It is in our own best interest to figure it out.

Lean into living your marvelous life beacuse your life begins and ends with you 💜

Much love,
Vanessa

-love