Whitespace Management Consulting

Well, when you really enjoy your work, even breakfast talk is about organisational development, change management and addressing mental models.

Catching up with ex-colleague from my previous consulting company. Exchanging our views about how interventions differ in different cultures, sectors and countries. And, what difference AI has made to our role.

Well, what is your breakfast talk about?

☕️

"It didn't feel like you were there for just 3 years." That was one unanimous remark made by my ex-colleagues of more than 20 years.

We all agreed that we had a great time working together during that era. We enjoyed the camaraderie and creating the kind of work that we found meaningful, though it was no doubt an intense period.

We caught up for almost 4 hours and felt we could go another 4.

🌞 What made it meaningful for you in your past work experience?

🌞 What does your top 3 ranking look like?

🌞 What is something that you would do differently if you could go back to the same era?

🌞 What new awareness do you glean about yourself as you reflect on the above?

Counting Blessings!

There is a long list of personal gratitude even as I wrapped up the 3 cohorts of 18 days workshops for senior leaders. I first worked for this organisation when I graduated 3 decades back and I remember fondly:

🌳I first applied to work at the sea sports club but it put me in a unique role that many would not have experienced – a Government Matching-Making agency!

🌳The leaders then provided me opportunities to try different roles and that landed me in 4 roles in my 10 years there – Career Opportunities!

🌳My CEO then delegated me to attend government-wide policy making meetings on his behalf and I found myself, a young officer, in a room filled with chiefs of ministries and stat boards and the head of civil service – Building my Courage!

🌳I was made to front global news media on the initiatives for singles – Training ground for skin of a rhino!

🌳I was sponsored a year-long postgraduate Learning Organisation (LO) programme that set my passion for Organisational Development – A path I still love today!

🌳The opportunities to work on social and community development were aplenty – A Lifelong Skill!

🌳Most of all, I made great friends of whom I still keep in touch with till today – Enduring Friendship!

As I facilitated the programme with co-facilitator Thomas, Dean of SIM Centre for Systems Leadership, I am grateful that we can teach and learn at the same time, in this learning campus!

Thank you, ex-colleagues and new ones for trusting us with your 18 days, it meant a lot to me!

Today is spotify's 20th anniversary, congrats!

I often play music in my workshops, at the start, breaks and ending. Soft music is for reflection and discussion while the fast tempo is for activity time.

The analytics shows that The Piano Guys are my most played artist with Waterfall being the most played song.

What are your favourite work songs?

Coaching the Mom in Me

Happy Mother’s Day!

What if being a mother is a testing ground of who we are becoming?

Having been a mom for 30 years, I’m crafting the following coaching questions today for myself to reflect on.

❤️ Identity Question:
Who am I becoming as I stand at the milestone of 30 years of being a mom?

❤️ Existential Question:
What made this reflection on mothering matter so deeply to me?

❤️ Deeper Meaning Question:
What awakening might I be longing for?

❤️ Developmental Question:
What wisdom might the journey of mothering be calling out to me?

❤️ Transformational Question:
What frees me to be the mom I want going forward?

❤️ Commitment Question:
What do I want to embrace or release from here?

Be blessed if you are a fellow mom, spiritual mom or even a mom-to-be. You have the most unique manter in the world.

Emotions as Data Points

“Is overwhelmed an emotion?” This was a question I recently posed to a class.
We were exploring what it means to listen deeply to another person, listening in a way that helps them feel heard, understood, and empathised with. Even if we have never gone through the same experience ourselves, we can still genuinely believe and honour what the person is feeling.

When we listen deeply enough, we help people hear themselves more clearly too. Our gift of presence creates a safe space where the nervous system can gradually calm down before any conversation about moving forward can take place.

Research has shown that suppressing emotions over a prolonged period is linked to higher levels of anxiety, depression, and stress. It also deprives us of the opportunity to reflect, process our experiences, so as to move forward with resilience.

Several studies suggest that overwhelmed is not a single emotion, but rather an emotional state or condition arising from multiple emotions being experienced at once. These emotions may include anger, anxiety, fear, frustration, panic, or even excitement.

Other emotional states or conditions, together with their possible accompanying emotions, include:

• Tense: anxiety, exhaustion, fear
• Energetic: ambition, enthusiasm, excitement
• Resistance: anxiety, caution, fear, prudence
• Stress: anxiety, confusion, dread, fear
• Vulnerable: feelings linked to diminished dignity, self-respect, or self-trust

Teasing apart whether someone is experiencing a standalone emotion or a broader emotional state helps us better understand what they are truly feeling.

By gently “chunking down” the experience, we create space for deeper awareness and healing of the heart, delicate yet vital in moving our nervous system into activation or rest.

Called to Shine

The bonus of being an entrepreneur is that you get to choose how your day is defined. Though there were 8 engagements on a Monday that stretched to almost 9pm, I am glad to have caught up with a fellow entrepreneur Clara for breakfast to start the week.

What intrigued me most is the gift that Clara brings to the world. Her unparalleled gentleness is what made her effective in her work as a teacher for character-formation among children.

When asked how she manages children having meltdowns or soothing anxiety, stress and tense nerves in the classroom, she said she would ‘pull the right note to play’ to calm their nervous system. Just like how she chooses a series of notes and rhythm to play on a keyboard, as a musician ~ Her body, tone of voice, hand gestures, facial expressions etc is her instrument in the classroom. This works from a single child to a class. There is no shouting or raising of voice required, this is an amazing feat!

If you are interested to bring your children for her classes on etiquette, manners or soft skills, check out Molly Manners at mollymanners.com.sg

Celebrating our 13th year as an entrepreneur in different businesses.

Growing Up

I have been “promoted” to mother-in-law yet again, just six months apart.

Increasingly, I catch myself cringing each time my husband tells our married children, “You should… and you should not…” These range from where they should place the furniture, what they should change in the house, to what to buy or not buy.

What makes me uncomfortable is not the advice itself, as values and principles do endure in shaping character. What I am sensitive to are the many unsolicited ways in which day-to-day decisions are being guided. I often find myself nudging him, “Let them decide. It is their house; it is their life now.”

Unconsciously, even well-intentioned advice can hinder our married adult children from reflecting on their own decision-making, and from shaping their own choices.

In coaching, I often hear managers share that they are guiding their people by telling them what they should and should not do. Done often and to the extremes, such approaches may unintentionally cultivate employees who simply take instructions, rather than develop their own thinking. In doing so, we risk diminishing the very capabilities we hope to grow.

Similarly, coaches are mindful that our role is to raise awareness in how coachees think, rather than to think for them. This capacity for learning and reflection carries a multiplier effect on leaders, their teams, and the organisation.

At the end of the day, growing up is not only for employees. It also begins with managers who are willing to let go of a parenting mindset, and trust that others, too, can grow.

Cheers if you are a growing parent.

Lesson from a Falll

When I got up from a fall back in January, I was thankful it was not a fracture as I had to run an overseas retreat just the week after. The bleeding did cause onlookers to do a double take, one even exclaimed, “Woah!”.

Loved ones gave me some advice, which I appreciated:
• “You better don’t do anything adventurous till after your upcoming major event.”
• “You better get daddy to jog with you next time.”
• “You better use your trail shoes when you jog there.”

The fact is, there is a difference between reactive, preventive and creative here. Stopping any activity is reactive if they are not the cause for falls. Having a companion could mean preventive for someone to remind me to be watchful, or have someone carry me home, reactive! Using trail shoes, which I already was, is preventive though it did not save me this time.

What then is creative? Not letting the blood go to waste, I gleaned lessons from this experience.

Even though I had donned the right gear, the consciousness between my interactions with my environment was the real variable factor. A moment of distraction, of someone chasing slowly and then closing up hastily had caused a panic reaction in me, that kept my eyes off the pebbled ground.

Gosh! That was an ugly awakening of a weak operating system, that perhaps brought up my ugly side I did not realise.

Why is this creative? It offered me a life lesson, something deeper. Though I dislike competition and do not seek it, I did not appreciate people deliberately overtaking my pace.

My lesson here - celebrate with others, even if I was the target for them, both on the trail and in life.

It was a bloody good lesson for me.

Restlessness and Restedness

Over the past month, I’ve been feeling a sense of restlessness. The unfolding war in the Middle East has placed a heaviness in my heart. While many are in the thick of it, others are witnessing from afar, seemingly untouched.

People with Connectedness theme see interconnected systems, and that we are all part of a bigger system. That also means that as long as someone who is hurt somewhere, this will have boomerang effect elsewhere, it is a matter of time.

With Connectedness as my top CliftonStrengths theme, I find it difficult to distance myself from the realities of loss of lives, loved ones, stability, and of the world we hope for. Beyond what can be measured or reported, there are deeper concerns about how such fractures may eventually surface within communities and families back home. I’m overwhelmed from the relentless difficult news.

Yet, amidst it all, there are glimpses of humanity that touch something within me. Perhaps, the most heartened news I have seen was the Barefoot Walk, where Palestinian and Israeli mothers marched hand in hand, calling for peace.

Riding on the Strength of Connectedness, I held the structural tension of peace on one hand, and ugly reality on the other, trusting that a mysterious bigger purpose will emerge, in due time. Trusting that in the larger time horizon, this becomes another piece of human history.

Connectedness is a Strength not in feeling despondence, it is a strength in feeling peace. In times such as this, those with Connectedness can offer their calming presence, perspectives-understanding and meaningful groundedness.

For those who draw strength from faith, there is also a deeper hope that transcends present circumstances. For me, this Easter weekend is a gentle reminder of a peace that is enduring, and a sense of home that goes beyond the now to an eternal one.

Even as we hold both beauty and brokenness, I invite us into a different kind of response. A response that continues to choose kindness, to lead with peace, and to honour our shared humanity.

In allowing something larger than ourselves to unfold, I’m allowing restlessness to soften into restedness.