Ann Yeong

Yesterday, a dear friend told me, “You are a live wire. There is no mediocrity with you. There is no room for inauthenticity.”

Her words pierced me because they described my true self so accurately, and yet I grew up rejecting this truth about myself because it seemed to make so many people uncomfortable when they drew closer to me.

This trait that so defines me made me feel unloveable. Unknowable. It was a huge part of why I felt so alone as a child, a youth, and a young adult.

But yesterday when I read these words, I felt something different. I felt a deep recognition and acknowledgment. I felt my inner child perk up and say “Hey yes, that’s me!” She was now no longer ashamed of this trait. She beamed at me.

Then this morning, the same friend made me cry in the midst of my morning stroll with this Mother’s Day greeting (i.e. the post above).

God is reminding me through it - “Ann, you’re home. You’re finally able to see yourself the way I see you and be at peace with what you see. You’re finally able to experience the unique beauty I have bestowed on you and receive it as beauty.”

Even now as I type these words I’m crying. It’s been 17.5 years since I prayed and asked God to help me see myself as He sees me because I had realised that I did not know how to love myself.

It’s taken 17.5 years to be able to truly receive the ability to behold myself, see myself, and be happy with what I used to reject about myself.

Happy Mother’s Day to me as the mother of my inner child!

Thank you for your insight, your words, and above all, your friendship and presence in my life!

I’ve been quiet on my podcast and YouTube channel for the past month without an announced break. In this video / episode I share with you the reason for my silence as well as an update about what’s happening in the podcast.

Listen to EP 169 | An Unexpected Break: Podcast and Personal Update (Link in bio)

I used to believe that I was being prideful if I trusted my own judgment when it did not align with the judgment of someone with greater authority than me.

I used to operate from the paradigm that the Church must be right, and if I could not bring myself to heartily agree or obey, that the problem must be me because surely the Church and those who taught and led with her authority would know better than me. To think otherwise would be pride.

Now I can see clearly that beliefs and attitudes such as this serve to bolster the power of institutions, enable abuse and the cover up of abuse, and prevent the authentic, integrated, spiritual and human formation of God’s people.

Unfortunately, it is often those who most desire to seek and follow Christ that fall victim to high-control and abusive religious systems. Those who also already suffer from other forms of trauma in their lives are particularly susceptible to become unknowing victims of such systems.

There is great need for Catholics to learn more about trauma, spiritual abuse and high-control religion in order to safeguard the dignity of persons. We can begin by learning to safeguard ourselves.

For all whom Easter is uncomplicated joy, He is Risen, Alleluia! Wishing you a beautiful and blessed Easter!

And for those who feel conflicting and complicated emotions about Easter because of spiritual and religious trauma, I’ve written a new reflection on Easter Hope for the Spiritually Traumatised.

(The full post has a lot more, including linked resources)

Praying with and for all,
Ann

Read the full newsletter post on my website (Link in bio)

https://www.integroformation.com/newsletters/begin-again/posts/easter-hope-for-the-spiritually-traumatised

I wrote this for Easter 2024 and I am re-sharing a slightly edited version of it now in my newsletter. There is a new paragraph I added about survivors of religious and spiritual trauma because it was only in the last two years that I understood a great deal more about the embodied aspect of trauma and the nature of spiritual trauma.

If this reflection resonates with you, I hope you will share it with others! And I do hope that it equips you to love those who are keeping their distance from church a little better! 🙏🏻

Peace,
Ann

Read in full and subscribe to my newsletter on my website (Link in bio)

These are excerpts from a reflection I wrote for my blog three years ago during Holy Week. Do I still feel numb on Good Friday? Yes - the dissociation still happens, even when I don’t attend Good Friday service (it is much worse when I do).

Since I wrote this two years ago I have also learned more about spiritual and religious trauma as well as spiritual abuse. These have helped me to have an even clearer understanding of why I dissociate and also feel heightened anxiety during Holy Week. Healing is still happening, and I have learned to trust the process as well as the body God has given me to guide me.

Read the full reflection in my newsletter, Begin Again, on Good Friday 2026. (Link in bio)

This post was written two years ago on 27 March 2024 on my personal blog. I’m sharing it again as a newsletter post now together with a more recent podcast episode on navigating Holy Week as a survivor of spiritual trauma.

May this bring accompaniment and consolation to those who need it!

I invite you to read and subscribe to Begin Again, my newsletter where I share longer written reflections about my interior integration journey. Link in bio!

In this re-sharing of a Season 10 episode, I explore why deconstruction is a necessary part of healing from complex trauma — especially for people of faith.

I define deconstruction as questioning assumptions we’ve never questioned before and opening up to new possibilities. I share three zones where I’ve experienced this:

1. Self-Identity — Differentiating between the survival “Role Self” I built to be accepted and my true “Core Self” that had been buried.

2. Familial & Cultural Values — Recognising how traditions and values handed down through my family facilitated harm and kept me silent.

3. Faith — Wrestling with the growing gap between who God revealed Himself to be in my healing journey and the God of my religious upbringing.

I also discuss why healing requires more than religious or doctrinal belief — it demands a deep, existential trust that we are held by a love greater than ourselves.

Listen to EP 168 | Why Deconstruction is an Essential Part of Complex Trauma Recovery (with New Introduction) (Link in bio)

The interior journey must be made “blind” in many ways, especially when entering spiritual midlife where the interior work is much more about undoing and becoming undone by God than it is about doing or building with our understanding.

But if we are able to keep walking into the Unknown, we find with time (usually years) that there IS actually form and shape to our journey. But it is a form and shape that we could not have perceived with our old eyes - it can only be seen with the new eyes we are growing into on “the other side” of deconstruction.

This post offers a tiny glimpse into one of the perspectives I now can see as I look backwards on my journey. While the process of getting to this point of sight (or insight) has taken many years of “walking blind in trust”, it has taken the last few months for me to gain the theological language to understand my journey from this perspective.

I hope this blesses some of you who are still walking blind with glimmers that could help you recognise your own journey’s signposts.

❤️ Ann