SLAM PORTAL

10/21/2026

📍Hope Outdoor Gallery
741 Dalton Ln
Austin, TX 78742

🗓️ 11/28/26
🚪 6pm
🔔 7pm
🎶 9pm
🎟️ available soon

HERE IT IS, FOLKS! The show that starts it ALL! An epic space opera that launches an even better sequel, a well received third installment, a banished 3 film prequel, subsequent movies that were clearly written in board rooms, and spin off films of which one is taken seriously! SLAM PORTAL EPISODE IV: THE HOPE SPOT!

But this isn’t a children’s product that is debated over by Kevin Smith adjacent adults. NO SIR! This is serious. So serious we’re bringing TWO F****** RINGS to Hope Outdoor Gallery for a GALACTIC RUMBLE of which ONE winner will face the MEGA-WOLF-MODE Champion SPACE TIGER JR. (but also) JR.

What could possibly go down besides multiple bodies flying from our wrasslin double-wide? We’ve got a BASTARD! We’ve got a REAL BOY! A man with a REMOTE CONTROL! We’ve got a newly sharpened MUSTACHE MAFIA with the harnessed power of a SLAMINATOR. Two tough but apparently frisky DADS!

Not to mention the live music of to follow!!!!!!

DO NOT MISS THIS EXPLOSION OF ART. THE FATE OF THE UNIVERSE AND FUTURE FUNDED SHOWS MAY DEPEND ON IT!

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🤡 .atomic.yoink
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🍪 .nixx
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09/30/2026

📍St. Elmo Brewing SOUTH!
440 E St Elmo Rd
Austin, TX 78745
United States

🗓️ 10/17/26 🚪 7pm
🎟️ available in bio

HOLY WOW, a pro wrestling show at ST. ELMO BREWING SOUTH by AUSTIN’S MOST ENTERTAINING wrestling promotion SLAM PORTAL! And NOT just any ELMO, but THE PEOPLE’S ELMO (not a Sesame Street subsidiary).

What could possibly happen?!?!? Will there be Robots? Mad Scientists? Mustaches? People from Kentucky? We don’t know! We’re the cheapest marketing agency in the Central Texas area that is paid to write these! There seems to be plenty of open office space in downtown Austin; but I’m still writing this from my southside apartment!

How many renditions of The Rock’s elbow drop will we witness? The possibilities are infinite and the b**r is flowing smoothly at ST ELMOS BREWING (SOUTH!). All curated by Austin’s true chaotic darling, LUCY LONESTAR!

PLUG IN, mister. You’re in for a night of Drama! Physical Prowess! Tears! Laughs! MFn Yachts! Both the TAG TEAM and MEGA-WOLF-MODE TITLES will be on the line! Don’t be a dweeb and don’t settle for less! Be there for the ULTIMATE SPECTACLE!

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🤡 .atomic.yoink
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08/29/2026

02/13/2026

THE PROFESSOR earned his TENURE after defeating MOP GUY in an INCREDIBLE competition. However, MERCH LADY and MOP GUY proved how powerful the SERVICE INDUSTRY is when they stand up to PRIVATELY FUNDED RESEARCH GRANTS!

STAY TUNED for future ANNOUNCEMENTS and EVENTS!

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01/29/2026

The Pageant Queen (and apparent domestic glitter terrorist) made her infamous SLAM PORTAL debut known far and wide after defeating in a bitter battle of cups and roses. With the assistance of some kind of blinding agent and tights leverage, Drea managed to somehow survive Cage’s double underhook suplex and thunderous crossbody.

Oh, and we almost forgot the worst part: “You’re Welcome!”

STAY TUNED for future ANNOUNCEMENTS and 2026 EVENTS!

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01/20/2026

A number of bad faith entities attempt to BASTARDIZE what SLAM PORTAL truly is, but we remain resolute in entering our PRETTY ERA!

At SLAMINATOR, competitors BEXAR COUNTY BASTARD and PRINCE PRETTY were neck and neck until the BASTARD attempted to shut the match down with the assistance of a STEEL CHAIR. FORTUNATELY, show host and real boy PUGGIN HEAD was able to halt this and help PRETTY claim victory.

UNFORTUNATELY, PUGGIN HEAD paid for his good deed with a chair shot at SLAM PORTAL MOVIE NIGHT shortly thereafter. We now have word that PUGGY is in stable condition!

01/12/2026

After a hard fought opener against VIVA LA RASTA at the inaugural SLAMINATOR event .machine.works , THE INDUSTRY once again claimed the NUMBER ONE CONTENDER-SHIP for the SLAM PORTAL TAG CHAMPIONSHIPS. What will future the hold for ARBITERS of HOLLYWOOD PAIN? STAY TUNED for future ANNOUNCEMENTS and 2026 EVENTS!

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👑 .pro
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12/16/2025

PRESENTS MOVIE NIGHT smashed the box office .atx !!!

Takeaways:
- has completely disappeared after a tough loss to
- was seriously injured after a vicious attack by
- won his namesake event but seems to have lost the war after slammed him through a coffee table of (checks notes) VHS TAPES!
- obtained a new sexophone