08/30/2025
Here's a big and important thing that maybe some people might not put out on social media. But I guess I'm gonna.
My relationship with
has been very public recently. You've seen & heard about it from one or the other of us.
Some things happened that scared me and made me worried for my safety and for Rebel. I'm not saying this to shame or ridicule him, either. I've talked to him about posting this.
The things we've gone through with his bipolar disorder I don't blame him for at all, but I also don't take it as an excuse for hurting me. A thing I noticed about myself, though, is that I became less compassionate and less willing to forgive and to show empathy. Part of it was being able to be strong and see clearly that it's okay to not be okay with this. But a bigger part, I think, is that I started seeing him as a separate person from my husband.
I had been a little more likely to just go right to angry instead of trying to understand things. To be honest, I wasn't being honest with myself. Which is unfair to us both. And to Rebel. And we both kept dealing with it because we wanted it to be the best for Rebel. Getting through our anger and emotions, we've been able to see that we can still parent Rebel separately, and that would actually be better for her instead of her growing up in a household full of anger & resentment.
As for me, I've recently had the honor to be around some of the most authentic people I've ever met. People who are fully, wonderfully, and comfortably themselves. People who seem to be living full and free, happy lives.
I always "identified" as bisexual. In a way, I guess it didn't matter since I was married to a man. Like, I was still me, but I wasn't going to be unfaithful or anything, right? But sitting with myself and being brutally honest with myself, I had to admit to myself that I am not at all bisexual. I had been afraid of being outside the "normal" and I love Brandon, so I stayed in my safe little box. How unfair. To him. To me, to anyone else that I could help by just being honest and authentic- right? I accept and love people for who they are, no matter what, but I didn't accept myself.
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