Hope For Winning

April 8, 2024

‘Tis the season, right? In simpler times, I believe that meant ‘tis the season to slow down, enjoy loved ones, and make lasting memories. Today, people feel the pressure of trying to squeeze in more tasks and shopping and events. Instead of savoring precious moments, people are often stressed to the max!

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed by stress?

I created an infographic that includes five tips to help people increase C-A-L-M. I hope it helps!

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/hope-hughes-jd-mcpc-4439a4207_stress-work-emotionalintelligence-activity-6874026971664318464-LQtx

Hope Hughes, JD, MCPC on LinkedIn: #stress #work #EmotionalIntelligence https://tenor.com/XZiN.gif One of the most liberating experiences I’ve had is to learn to say “no” not only to others who do not have my best interests...

Have you ever experienced one difficult situation after another? This past week, I dealt with a situation with the third-party benefits company that handles insurance and payroll for my employer. Although I submitted documentation two months ago for my dependents, the company determined my dependents would have to wait until next year’s open enrollment period to be covered by health insurance. I fired off an email and called and left a voicemail to express in no uncertain terms that the company’s decision was unacceptable as I had been trying to get someone at their company to resolve the issue for two months, well before the open enrollment period ended.
A couple of days after that, a representative from my internet service provider called me to tell me I never returned a router when I upgraded my internet service last month. Wrong! I took the equipment to one of the company’s stores and received a receipt for it. Yet, the representative told me if I couldn’t produce a receipt, I would have to pay for the equipment. Needless to say, I was not happy. I have a full *@ #%&!^ plate at the moment, and I did not want to spend time looking for a receipt from nearly a month ago. So, I expressed my frustration to the representative and told her it was the company’s mistake, not mine.
Are you ready for the icing on the cake? I experienced two separate incidents of blatant discrimination within 48 hours this past weekend. I told those people what they were doing was illegal and I would be filing complaints.
Whew! What’s going on? Life is what’s going on. We all have to deal with frustrating situations. Highly developed emotional skills can really help to deal with such frustrating situations with the least amount of stress and angry outbursts.
For me, empathy is one of my top emotional intelligence skills. Some people think being empathetic is the same as being nice. That’s not the case at all.
Empathy involves being able to understand and express your understanding of the other person’s perspective. Empathy involves acting in a way that shows respect for others’ feelings.
As frustrated as I was dealing with the benefits company and the internet service provider, I expressed to each of the employees that I understood the mistakes were not their fault. I was firm in expressing my frustration, but I did not take it out on the employees.
Although I was angry about being discriminated against, I controlled my temper and was as respectful as I could be under the circumstances.
The past week has been a rollercoaster ride, for sure, but things always get better eventually. (The mistakes involving the benefits company and the internet service provider were favorably resolved.)
Using emotional intelligence while experiencing the ups and downs is a big factor in maintaining well-being. Controlling our responses to negative situations rather than allowing them to dictate to us how we feel is also empowering!

What Steve Jobs called “heart and intuition,” I call your “Automatic Goal Achievement System” (AGA System). Your AGA System is comprised of your brain and central nervous system, which work together to produce results based on your thoughts and beliefs about yourself.

Think of your AGA System as a goal-seeking missile that will not stop until it reaches its target. Your thoughts and beliefs are the instructions that steer the goal-seeking missile. If you say you want a successful career, but you really think: “It will never happen” or “I don’t deserve it” or “The odds are stacked against me,” then guess what? Your AGA System is not going to start working to accomplish the goal you say you have (a successful career). It will seek out and land on what you truly believe, as demonstrated by your inner dialogue and subconscious beliefs.

Our negative thoughts were formed without much thought on our part. Seeds were planted when someone said something negative to us, or we had negative experiences. Those seeds grew into a subconscious garden of beliefs. Over time, the negative beliefs became our truth, and our AGA System went to work to ensure that our lives lined up with our truth.

The great news is that you can train your AGA System to recognize and discard any thoughts that run counter to your goals. So, if you decide you want to go for a promotion at work or you want to increase sales in your business and you have the thought “It will never happen,” you can correct yourself by stating the truth, which is it can and will happen. You have a plan to get that promotion or increase sales. You’re doing what it takes to make your goal happen, and you will be successful. That type of thinking steers your AGA System in the right direction. If you practice recognizing negative thoughts, discarding them, and replacing them with your desired outcome, you will have the career you desire.

Oh, how I wish our workdays were filled with Kumbaya moments and Hallmark movie style interactions. However, we both know that is not reality.
Sometimes people who are normally emotionally intelligent enough to retain their composure under pressure let stress get the best of them and they uncharacteristically lash out at others. Those are the people who will later apologize for their behavior. For others, displaying very low emotional intelligence is their norm. They will never, ever apologize.
If you have ever been on the receiving end of such treatment, then you know it does not feel great. You may even question if you did something that justified the maltreatment. What exactly could you have done to deserve abusive treatment in the workplace? Nothing.
If you would like some help dealing with difficult people in the workplace, click the link below for a free resource.
Get F.I.G.H.T – Five Tips for Surviving Jerks at Work here: https://hope-hughes.mykajabi.com/f-i-g-h-t-five-tips-for-surviving-encounters-with-jerks-at-work-2327a26b-2bb7-45b2-9352-ad6dd8376bdc

For most of us, there’s usually some good with the bad. Even when I worked at the toxic boutique law firm (that I wrote about in my last post), there was a partner there who was very supportive and appreciative of my work.

Still, because of the other partner’s behavior, my mental, emotional, and physical well-being suffered. I resolved to never again work in a toxic environment like that, and I never have. In fact, I went to work with a group of people who treat others with respect. My boss also complimented me so much on my work that I felt embarrassed at times. 😊

When I was in the middle of the storm at the toxic firm, I could not see past the rain, clouds, and darkness. There came a day, however, when I was out of that storm. Now, I am living out a dream from childhood—that of using psychological training to help others develop the skills to handle any storm and come out on the other side better than ever. The key to my success was a shift in my mindset—realizing that I deserve better. That shift led me to boldly take the steps necessary to make my dreams come true.

Know that you can live the life you desire and, if you are in a storm currently, it does have an expiration date.

Thanks for your time and be well!
Hope
Get C-A-L-M: Four Tips for Managing Stress here: https://hope-hughes.mykajabi.com/c-a-l-m-four-tips-for-managing-stress-opt-in-updated

If you follow nutritional guidelines, healthy meals are your focus. Although fluffy, sweet doughnuts are nice to have, they are not essential. (Wait—they’re not?!)

I believe many people view “soft skills” like fluffy, sweet doughnuts.

Your EQ (emotional intelligence quotient) is an example of soft skills. EQ includes factors like emotional self-awareness, emotional expression, empathy, and problem solving. I would argue that calling them “soft skills” is a misnomer because these skills are actually essential to your success.

Consider this: When attorneys' hard skills are comparable to their peers', firm leaders will likely heavily consider individuals’ soft skills when making hiring, retention, and promotion decisions. “Is this a person I enjoy working with side-by-side during a project that requires late nights in the office?” Similarly, potential clients may ask, “Would I want to sit next to this person for hours on a plane?”

Knowing that proficiency or lack of proficiency in soft skills can affect your career trajectory is a good reason to hone those skills. Another good reason to sharpen your soft skills is to improve your ability to manage stress (which is a component of emotional intelligence).

Several years ago, when I worked at a boutique firm for a person whose heart was two sizes too small, my stress was off the charts—so much so that I went to the emergency room because I thought I was having a heart attack. My heart was fine, but overall, I was not fine. I was emotionally paralyzed, which kept me trapped in that toxic environment for far too long. My distress was so intense that when I saw that person, I would turn around and go the opposite direction. If I saw a car that was the same color and type as that person’s, my heart would start pounding and drop to my stomach. That, my friend, is no way to live.

Thankfully, I have since learned how to better manage stress (and to be more assertive). Because I want to help others who may be struggling with stress or who want to ensure they can respond in healthier ways when stressful situations arise, I am currently offering a free resource, C-A-L-M: Four Tips for Managing Stress. All you need to do to get a copy is click the link below. Please also look for an email from Hope For Winning LLC and subscribe to the email list so we can keep in touch. 😊

Thanks for your time and be well!
Hope
C-A-L-M: Four Tips for Managing Stress: https://hope-hughes.mykajabi.com/c-a-l-m-four-tips-for-managing-stress-opt-in-updated

I enjoy public speaking, but I experience nervous energy minutes before I step up to the podium and for a few minutes into my talk. What I experience in those situations is eustress, or good stress. It’s a positive form of stress that energizes me and actually has a beneficial effect on my performance.

We are all probably most familiar with bad stress, or distress. Glossophobia (the fear of public speaking) is often listed as one of people’s top fears. So, for many people, public speaking leads to distress.

The bad type of stress is also the type experienced by those in high pressure careers. Distress can lead to anxiety, unpleasant feelings and emotions, and decreased work performance.

Know that if you are suffering from the effects of stress, it’s okay to ask for help. If stress is severely impacting your functioning, reach out to a licensed therapist. If you are highly functioning but want to deal with any negative impacts, talk to someone who will listen without judgment. Knowing that you are not alone is essential to your well-being.

I have provided a link to a free resource that provides some quick tips/reminders for managing stress. Please request a copy today!
https://hope-hughes.mykajabi.com/c-a-l-m-four-tips-for-managing-stress-opt-in-updated

Doesn’t everyone want to be happy? I certainly do, but more times than I would like, I miss the mark. As an Enneagram Type 3 (The Achiever), I’m always looking to the future rather than taking time to enjoy all the goodness in the here and now.

Looking at the image of the jar of fireflies makes me smile. It reminds me of one of my happiest memories from my early childhood. My brothers and I were at my aunt’s house for a barbeque. On that magical night, we chased fireflies and put some in a jar.

As the years passed, I lost much of my ability to experience childlike happiness and to just enjoy being in the moment. Fortunately, happiness is a habit that can be developed, so I decided I would seek to be happy as much as possible, just as happy as I was chasing those fireflies all those years ago. Even when I face challenges, I can still decide to be happier than I would be if I just let my emotions control me.

Some of the benefits of developing a habit of happiness may surprise you—improved cognition, performance, and health. Developing a habit of happiness will make you a winner in every area of your life.

Some ways to develop a habit of happiness include: (1) being as cheerful as possible; (2) being friendlier to others and showing empathy; (3) not allowing your opinions to put a negative or pessimistic spin on facts; and (4) committing to act as calmly and as intelligently as possible, even in difficult situations.