I am my Kousins Keeper

Dani Mack

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The day after Thanksgiving & Black Friday text don’t match up!
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The child who turns to perfection and achievement to cope with dysfunction in the home often becomes the adult who overcommits at work & strives to maintain appearances at the cost of their relationships.

The child who turns to isolating and dissociating alone in their room to cope with dysfunction often becomes the adult who turns to fantasizing about relationships with unavailable people or pursing relationships that continue the pattern of self-abandonment.

The child who becomes an emotional caretaker and compliant surrogate partner to their parent becomes the adult who overfunctions in relationships and subjugates their wants, needs and safety in relationships.

The child who is highly controlled, bullied, criticized or exposed to rage becomes the adult who seeks power and control as a means of creating the safety they never had.

These survival strategies are instinctual for those of us who experienced traumatic childhood experiences. They can exist on a continuum of mild to extreme.

We can start to create change by looking at our own cycles and patterns of behavior including what we are triggered by & differentiating between coping skills that are helpful or harmful to relationships.

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