The Bad Idea Running Club

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Both great-grandmothers are loved and remembered everyday. If I leave a legacy half as good as their's, I will be satisfied.

If you hold onto the past, make sure it does not hold you back.

Happy Halloween.

Pieces of a puzzle... often a puzzle only makes sense when it all comes together... but with a puzzle that is always near the end... life should not be a puzzle, only coming together at the end, but I also acknowledge it will always make sense...

... the dream come true... ground zero of turning dreams into goals, and goals into accomplishments... time for a cleaning, some reorganisation, and tinkering... change is good... change is necessary... stagnation is bad for all of us.

Part one....
Every time I feel the debilitaing heaviness come over me, I tell myself: tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow I will feel like myself again and I will have the will to do the things I once loved and thrived from... tomorrow is always a day away, a sunrise to wake you up, a new start... my tomorrows have not been sunrises... and what I have felt for months has felt endless... tomorrows get strung together and before you know it, a month has passed... a month of personal neglect... a month of self loathing... a month of being unsure about everything... a month of struggling just to get out of bed... to show up and play the role you have to play all whilst being pulled from the role you wanted to play... the curated personality gets weighed down... we can only take so much...
then you realise it has been more than a month... more than a year... it has been a long time coming... pressing down feelings and emotions most of your life... only expressing guilt from the failures you use as your life's measuring stick... you remember how you struggled and rangered on... how you would drink one more to forget... how finding a pill to make you feel numb worked, until it did not... how you would emerse yourself in work... or play... just to avoid... feeling anything... only to end up feeling everything all at once... you are a veneer of a real person... there was even a time when you had the right personality... you had all the right friends... the right look... the right skills... but for what... for who... but the question that weighed most on your soul... why?
Why do I do this, that, or the other? Why am I like this? Why can I just say what I really feel all the time? Why do I feel worthless if everyone says I am not? Why will my brain stop when I need it the most, yet never stop when I absolutely need it to? There are so many "whys" I could list... but why would I?

Part two continued in the comments...

Last weekend my meat sack completed a rotation around the sun... I am grateful for every friend, family member, enemy, competitor, and opportunity to press forward I have been given in my life... I do my best with all of it... and even though this year has thrown me into some serious obstacles, I know I would rather it be me... at any rate, I am thankful for the gifts I was given... I got everything I asked for and more...
I want to remind you to cherish each day because we are all a limited time offer... never doubt it...

Live forever until you die, or you die every day... take time to learn, ask questions, read, grow, get stronger, smile, care, laugh, make some art, cry, sympathise, empathise, hug, help when you can, ask for help when you need to, be present, be self aware, and always always always love. Prepare your legacy.

Ask me about the books if you want to know more... they are all really fascinating thus far.

Today I rode ... no strava, no tracking, not even a watch... just rode my bike.. and it was a good time... I probably should have taken a few more pics... but I have been lacking in that department for a couple weeks... I will do better next time... muthafukka

Wednesdays we lift weights. But we still run... and I felt like messing with settings and filters...

Tuesday... remember... a view from a different angle can change the way you see things... do not get stuck looking at things from the same light, same angle, same point of view all the time... if you do, it often leads to becoming stagnant... stagnation leads to death... and we are here to live...

During my 10 mile run today I realised the Ephedra plant is just like tacos... You should only eat the ones you know you can trust, and also you say it the same in English and Spanish... Ephedra plant has some amazing properties and utilities... and found very easily in the wild.. also often found in the wild are beautiful flowers that have some serious hallucinogenic properties and poisonous effects... so stop and smell the flowers, but do not try to make any special tea... the wild flora and fauna in the desert is some of the most interesting living things in the world... the intense monsoon season we have had has brought another level of life out here not seen in many years... to the point I had to check the map to make sure I was in the right place since the trail looked so different... another thing is that with the trails being so inviting, the amount of traffic on the trails has increased... that is cool and all, but when I am picking up other people's trash, I get kinda bothered.. one with your poor choices of products, but also just the fact I have to pick up after strangers making a mess in my church. Do better muthafukkas... pack out more than you took in...