Commit & Conquer

Sow a thought, reap and action, sow an action, reap a habit, sow a habit, reap a character.

The causative chain in our behaviors makes us become who we are. Our words do not define us but our consistent actions do.

You cheated on your spouse? You say you are sorry and want your marriage. Then prove it.

Don’t make it harder on yourself and your marriage by acting like nothing happened, trying to pretend normal after infidelity. Even retaliating only causes more mistakes that lead to unforgiveness and longer suffering.

You only prolong the misery. This type of trauma requires guidance to overcome.

Want to feel better, then you have to go through the pain by facing it.

It’s complicated….but there are several circumstances that confrontation isn’t a good idea.

1. Your goal is revenge or to speak your mind.
This will end in a fight and cooler heads will not be present to make this effective.

2. It’s too soon after “Dday” aka Discovery Day. Trust me you are not thinking clearly and will say or do something you will regret.

3. It can be a distraction from the real work and the need to focus on the covenant breaker and their specific actions.

I do believe there are times where approaching the “AP”, affair partner, can be redeeming but it’s under strict guidance and in a controlled environment. Things such as abuse is involved, STDs, church, leadership and children. Caveats apply to all of these mentioned as well.

And if God can redeem people, then maybe we need to stop acting like betrayal automatically gets the final word.

Staying is not weak.

Staying is not denial.

Staying is a decision made with eyes wide open.

But hear me: forgiveness may be free, but reconciliation has requirements.

So no, you don’t stay because they cried.

You stay because they changed.

Some victims have actually been betrayed and hurt. They need to grieve and process those legitimate issues. However, for their own healing and the possibility of reconciliation, at some point they will have to choose to become a “victor” over their situation and not be reduced to what was perpetrated on them.

That’s where coaching comes in.

Victims can also have legitimate betrayal or hurt that they experienced at no fault of their own. To move past the hurt and grief at some point they have to choose to no longer hold their partner as a prisoner. To decide to forgive and let go of these past hurts so they don’t plague their future.

A mission, a calling, a hope and a future….all came from 2 verses in the Bible!