Neurosparkle: Cheer Through a Neurodivergent Lens

One of my favorite things about watching Rilyn become a junior coach isn't the choreography she's helping to teach.

It's what she's teaching between the counts.

This week she told me some of her athletes were getting really upset when they made mistakes. They'd freeze, get frustrated, or decide they just couldn't do it.

Instead of correcting the skill first, she reminded them of something she's learned through years of being an athlete herself:

"Mistakes don't mean you can't do it. They mean your brain is building a new pathway."

As a neurodivergent athlete, Rilyn knows that mistakes can feel huge. ADHD and autistic brains often experience mistakes more intensely. A missed count can feel like failure. A forgotten motion can make your brain scream, "I'm terrible at this."

But that's not what's happening.

Your brain is trying to automate something it hasn't mastered yet.

Every stumble...
Every forgotten count...
Every wobbly stunt...
Every dropped skill...

..is information.

The athletes we admire aren't the ones who never make mistakes.

They're the ones who learned not to let mistakes decide what happens next.

Take a breath. - She let an athlete attempt to blow her over to encourage deep breaths.
Laugh if you need to.
Reset.
Try again.

That's where confidence is built.

Watching Rilyn pass that lesson on to the next generation of athletes has been one of my favorite parts of this season.

Because the goal isn't raising perfect athletes.

It's raising kids who know that their sparkle doesn't disappear just because they had a hard rep. ✨💙

If this message resonates with you, we'd love to have you here. 💙

Neurosparkle is a community for neurodivergent kids, athletes, parents, coaches, and anyone learning to see differences as strengths instead of deficits.

✨ Follow along.
💬 Share this with someone who needs the reminder today.
🤍 And tell us in the comments: What's something you once couldn't do that became easier because you kept showing up?

Let's help more brains keep their sparkle.

Neurosparkle: Cheer Through a Neurodivergent Lens

Frustration over people adding meaning to everything when you worked hard to choose just the right words and it doesn't matter because people are going to add their own flavor of meaning to the words that of read as just the words speak for themselves. . 😔

What's something you have said where you meant one thing and they decided it meant something else?

I posted this a year ago on my personal page but feel like it definitely has a place here. . .

The athlete who needs space and quiet after performing.

The parent who stands quietly watching the performance vs jumping up and down and yelling.

The coach who does not stop to speak to parents and heads straight to the next part of their day

Sometimes this is about emotional and or sensory regulation. . .

Emotion and Neurodivergence

It hits different but not how you think it hits different. We are not ignoring, we absolutely care.

My entire life I have had people say that I am aloof or uncaring. That I do not feel for others. That I lack empathy and understanding.

I am often pegged as not knowing what is going on with other people. I am not one who seeks information about your personal life. Not because I do not care, but because I do not want to pry. But I am a quiet observer and often see things nobody else does.

A better description is that I do not show my feelings or that I care in the ways they expected. My friends who have lasted through time have come to know me as a quiet supporter in the background but absolutely always there. The people who truly know me note that I listen without intent to judge and assist without expecting reciprocation.

I often will not react in the moment for a variety of reasons. I feel your emotions so much more than you could ever know. I have recently come to understand a bit more about my reactions to other people's emotions. I recognize patterns and therefore can often see emotional reactions coming. Certain emotions cause me to have some very intense physical reactions.

My husband recently scraped up his arm and sent me a picture. I instantly had a jolt of pain race through my entire body. I physically hurt for him.

Throughout my childhood and into my teens I fainted several times. It was chalked up to low blood sugar and I was told to carry something sweet with me so I could combat it quickly if I felt it coming on. Recently been on a journey of self discovery and feeling like I needed to revisit some things. Every time I fainted, somebody was angry. My body could not physically handle the intense waves of emotions so it shut down. I still have a very intense reaction to anger. Even when it is not directed at me.

I wonder how often the apparent lack of response we see in neurodivergent children is actually them delaying the response or dealing with the intensity of the emotion they are currently feeling.

Think about how long we as a society have systematically removed coping strategies that did not fit the mold and attempted to replace them with "more appropriate behaviors."

👉How much are we limiting abilities by only allowing coping to look the way we think it should?

✨How many amazing relationships are we missing out on because of behaviors we cannot explain so must not be "right"? ✨

Say it with me

👏Just👏 Because 👏You👏 do👏 not👏 understand👏 the 👏function 👏does 👏not 👏make 👏it 👏dysfunctional.

Rilyn had her first ring ceremony this week, and it was such a beautiful moment.

Her team was being celebrated for winning Cheersport, winning Jamfest, and hitting zero all season long—an incredible accomplishment. Rilyn looked absolutely gorgeous. The venue was beautiful, everything was decorated so thoughtfully, and the ceremony itself was short, sweet, and meaningful. She had a blast, and I couldn't be more proud of her.

And also... I struggled.

Not because anyone did anything wrong. Not because the event wasn't lovely. It truly was.

But because being a Neurosparkly mom sometimes means the parts that seem simple to everyone else are the parts that completely short-circuit my brain.

The girls' dress code was communicated, but I had no idea what I was supposed to wear. That led to freezing, overthinking, asking ChatGPT for help, and eventually panic-grabbing a dress that I didn't even feel good in.

I had also just come off a couple of incredibly stressful weeks between both of my jobs, family life, and trying to keep all the plates spinning. By the time I arrived, my battery was already empty.

I tried to socialize.

Honestly... I failed miserably.

I ended up crying in the bathroom for a few minutes just to let the overwhelm out before pulling myself back together.

Then I managed to completely goof up the moms' picture because I had no idea where to stand, how to pose, or even where I was supposed to be looking.

Those things don't come naturally to me.

They never have.

And I think that's one of the parts of neurodivergence people don't always see.

It's not that we don't care.
It's not that we don't want to be there.
It's not that we're unfriendly or trying to be difficult.

Sometimes we're just trying to function in a room full of unknowns.

What do I wear?
Who all is coming?
Where do I sit?
Am I supposed to mingle?
Should I have brought my whole family?
Where am I supposed to stand?
What's expected of me?

For many people, those are little details.

For a Neurosparkly family, those details can be the difference between feeling prepared and feeling completely overwhelmed.

We had to divide and conquer that night, so my husband stayed home with the boys.

Watching other families celebrate together made me realize that, had I known more about what the evening would look like, I probably would have planned differently.

When your whole family is a little neurospicy, predictability isn't just nice to have.
It's how we make things work.

I'm sharing this not because I think anyone should have done anything differently.

The ceremony was beautiful.

The coaches and mom who put it together created a wonderful evening.

The organizers gave these athletes a celebration they deserved.

I'm sharing it because I know I'm not the only parent who quietly struggles through events that everyone else seems to navigate effortlessly.

Sometimes we're celebrating our children while simultaneously managing anxiety, sensory overload, uncertainty, masking, and trying desperately not to let any of it take away from their moment.

I was proud.
I was overwhelmed.
I was grateful.
I was exhausted.
I was emotional.
I was trying.

All of those things were true at the same time.

Rilyn had an amazing night, and that is what matters most.

She earned every bit of that ring, and I loved watching her celebrate an unforgettable season with an incredible team.

But I also want to leave space for the moms like me.

The ones who desperately want to show up.
The ones who overthink every outfit.
The ones who replay every awkward conversation.
The ones who cry in the bathroom, fix their mascara, walk back out, and keep cheering because their child deserves to be celebrated.

Sometimes the sparkle is loud.

Sometimes the sparkle is crying in the bathroom, wiping your face, walking back out, and still clapping the loudest for your kid.

Sometimes the sparkle isn't what everyone else sees.

Sometimes the sparkle is simply showing up anyway. ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

✨ You might be Neurosparkly if you can feel the mood of a room before you even walk through the door.

Sometimes it feels like having an emotional radar that never turns off. I can often sense what everyone else is carrying before a single word is spoken—and honestly, it can be a lot.

Rilyn has that same gift. She notices when people are struggling, feeling left out, or having a hard day. But sometimes that means she tries to make herself smaller so others can shine.

Lately, we're working on something important:

💙 Feel it.
💜 Acknowledge it.
💙 But don't carry it.
💜 And definitely don't dim your sparkle because someone else's light feels low.

Empathy is a beautiful superpower, but it doesn't require self-sacrifice.

We're learning that we can hold space for others, lift them up, and still shine exactly as brightly as we were meant to.

It's a work in progress. But we're trying. ✨

✨ You Might Be Neurosparkly If... ✨
Repetition brings the calm.
This one comes directly from Rilyn.
When she said it, I immediately wrote it down because I think it captures something people often misunderstand about neurodivergent nervous systems.
Many people assume repetition is boring.
That doing the same thing over and over again would become frustrating or unnecessary.
But for many neurodivergent kids, repetition isn't about boredom at all.
It's about regulation.
Every repetition removes a little uncertainty.
Every repetition provides another opportunity to predict what comes next.
Every repetition gives the nervous system evidence that says:
"I know this."
"I've done this before."
"I'm safe here."
As a cheer athlete, Rilyn spends countless hours repeating skills, routines, motions, transitions, and corrections.
From the outside it might look repetitive.
From the inside it's often calming.
The repetition helps transform nervous energy into confidence.
It turns uncertainty into familiarity.
And familiarity creates the foundation for success.
The more I think about it, the more I realize this doesn't just apply to cheer.
We see it in favorite songs.
Favorite foods.
Favorite shows.
Favorite books.
Favorite routines.
Many neurodivergent people aren't repeating things because they lack creativity.
They're repeating things because repetition helps their nervous system feel grounded.
And honestly?
In a world that constantly demands novelty, there is something beautiful about knowing exactly what helps you find your calm.
💜✨
What is something you repeat that helps your nervous system feel safe, regulated, or calm?

This seemed like the most appropriate next step for You might be Neurosparkly. . .please like and share if you want these to keep coming!

✨ A Day in the Life of Neurosparkle ✨

As we wait for team placements, I've been seeing all these adorable pictures of athletes standing in front of the tryout backdrop at the gym.

Naturally, I asked Rilyn if she got a picture.

I was hoping for a selfie.

Her response?

"I didn't even see it."

Friends.

She was IN THE ROOM WITH IT. 😂

Apparently while I was imagining a cute lil memory, she was so hyper-focused on tryouts that an entire decorated, bright orange and blue backdrop simply ceased to exist.

And honestly?

That's kind of the perfect Neurosparkle moment.

People talk a lot about attention as if it's something you either have or don't have.

But sometimes being neurodivergent means your brain is so locked onto one thing that everything else fades into the background.

Including, apparently, the giant photo backdrop everyone else noticed.

Meanwhile I noticed the backdrop in everyone's posts.

She noticed the routine.

Together we make one fully functioning nervous system. 💜✨ Or two that have learned to function beautifully together. . .I like that thought better!

Now we wait for placements.

If your gym did a fun backdrop or you know the one I am talking about, drop your pics below so I can live through your cute pics!👇