Clarence Ted Mole Comics

Sammy: But anyway Luke, I want you and some of my crew to head on over to the Bank of New Zealand building right now and as soon as that mole and his cuzzie's show up, I want you to take the safety deposit key from them by any means necessary and then send them off to meet their maker. And then I want you to take the tape's and dispose of them at the tip off Tamaki Drive. And don't forget that I'll make a crumbled Buzzy Bee out of you and send what's left your co**se back to your kainga if you f*** this up.
Luke: Consider it done bro, and were going to see to it that Mad Max and his mate's kindly hand the key over to us before we waste them.
Sammy: Now that's what I like to hear cause I don't need this b.s. to come out and bite me in the bum.
Later on Clarence, Lucky, and Denise are heading towards the Bank of New Zealand building on Hobson Street in the unmarked police car.
Clarence: For a moment there, I thought I was gonna become a frozen chokkie ice cream pop at the top of the Sky Tower. Cause it sure got as chilly as an esky full of icy pole's up there after awhile since Clark and Phoebe wanted me to be shirtless so they would know that I didn't have any weapon's on me.
Lucky: We all know what you did at the top of the Sky Tower didn't look ace but at least it prevented Elaine's kid's from being panic merchant's and jumping off the sky deck to a blood splattering demise.
Denise: If only Clark and Phoebe could've gone to the bank a lot sooner to obtain those tape's Clarence and if they had, then they wouldn't have stirred the possum by dragging us all out to the Sky Tower and threaten to kill themselves if any of Detective Heath and O' Riley's fellow blue heeler's try to take them into custody for a crime they would never in their lives commit.
Clarence: Too right Denise but they could thanks to that b***** road closed sign which is a few short click's near the area.
Denise: It's not like Clark and Phoebe were going to flog the pistol's to an organized crime syndicate, drug cartel, or terrorist group o.s. or make like those two drongo boy's who shot up Colombine High nearly twenty year's ago.
Clarence: No argument there since we already that Elaine would never ever allow them to have a firearm in their unit and since they're all big gun control nut's, and Elaine's been against gun's since she was ten in 1993 thanks to hearing all about the standoff at the Branch Davidian compound in Waco.
Here's more New Zealand slang.
Tip is a garbage dump so for example I hated to see my favorite teapot from when I was a kid get sent to the tip but it had to go there cause it got broken.
Buzzy Bee is a popular New Zealand toy resembling a bee, and it has rotating wing's that move and click when it's pulled by a string.
Here's more Aussie slang.
Chokkie is chocolate so for example The Mayan's and The Aztec's domesticated the chokkie tree centuries ago in ancient Mexico.
Icy pole is what Aussie's call Popsicle's.
Stir the possum means to tease or cause trouble so for example Bart Simpson likes to stir the possum a lot on The Simpson's.

It's now early evening and Sammy is at his favorite pub with Luke and a couple of his men in the gaming area on the second floor, and he's really mad about Phoebe and Clark revealing his plan's to sell the weapon's to Mr. Rabbani and his militant group and also about the abuse and neglect he's been pulling off at Marsden Grammar School.
Sammy: I just don't motherf****** believe this s***! I was hoping those little s**** of Mrs Teke would be in a holding cell by now but they had to put on their little PR stunt at the Sky Tower to try and save their sorry a****! And I also couldn't believe that they told that dumb*** mole from across the ditch along with everyone else here in Auckland about the tape's that has been commando from Peru passed along to them, and they also had to announce to him and the entire city that I'm still under the d*** microscope for cutting a few freaking corner's over at Marsden Grammar School! The teacher's and the parent's of those kid's are probably gonna summon up the courage to testify against thanks to Mrs Teke's kid's, and I also know that if that boomerang headed t*** and his mate's get their hand's on those tape's, then that's it everyone it's off to the slammer for me!
Luke: Well we just can't go on over to the Sky Tower to take Clark and Phoebe out Sammy since there's cop's all over the f****** block and if they want to jump and go splat all over the street's, then that's fine by me but we still can't let those Aussie muppet's get their hand's on those tape's that Mr. Coronado has stashed in the safety deposit box at that Bank of New Zealand building which is only a few block's from this pub.
Sammy: That's no bull**** Luke because Mr. Rabbani and his comrade's are gonna get those kick a** weapon's on Waitangi Day two week's from now as planned so they can use them to warn the government's of Syria, Turkey, Iraq, and Iran to give us an independent Kurdistan peacefully or that's it, we'll wipe you all off the face of this freaking planet.

Phoebe then walk's up to Clarence with the safety deposit key in her right hand.
Phoebe: Alright Clarence, I want you to turn around so I can stuff the key to Mr. Coronado's safety deposit box into the right rear pocket of your slacks.
Clarence slowly turn's his back to Phoebe and she crams the key into the right rear pocket of his dress pants, and then Clark reaches into his business suit and take's out an old straighten paper clip.
Clark: Okay bro, I'm gonna use this old paper clip to pick the lock's on Lucky's handcuffs so I can remove them from your wrists cause we want you to go to the Bank of New Zealand building on Hobson Street to retrieve those tape's. There probably won't be anyone in the bank since this block is closed off thanks to Phoebe and I's su***de attempt, and bring Denise and Lucky with you just to be on the safe side.
Clark extends his right hand, stick's the paper clip into the keyhole on the handcuffs, jimmy's the lock, and removes them from Clarence's wrists.
Clark: And now we want you to board the news chopper so you can get back down onto the street and remind your cuzzie's to shake a leg and haul a** to the bank.
Phoebe: May the atua's watch over you and the gang Clarence as you clear Clark and I's good name, keep our mum safe, and avert a possible insurgency in the Mideast, and tell our mum that were sending her our undying aroha.
Clarence then raises his arm's upward and wave's to the pilot as his signal to pick him up, and the helicopter flies towards the railing surrounding the sky deck so Clarence can board it.
Aroha means love in the Maori language.
Shake a leg is New Zealand slang for hurry up so for example Shake a leg whoever it is in the public restroom stall cause I got to use it!

Lucky: Just don't let Officer Ortiz get to you Elaine, and were all sorry that he's been getting you fed up to the back of the teeth because right now, we want to stay focused on saving your kid's and letting Clarence do his job.
Elaine: Right Lucky cause we'd all like to see what's on those tape's now that Phoebe just showed us all the safety deposit key.
Back on the sky deck, Tia and Clarence redirect their attention to Clark and Phoebe.
Tia: Now that you've shown our viewer's the key Phoebe, are you and Clark going to hand it to Detective Mole and then quit using him as a bargaining chip?
Phoebe: Not yet Miss Masterson because first, Clark and I are going to.explain to both him and everyone else in Auckland and all of Aotearoa what a real sick and sadistic piece of manu s*** our head master really is because it's not just arm's smuggling he's carrying out.
Clark: Mr. MacGregor is still under investigation by both the school board and the Interior Ministry for delaying repairs on part's of Marsden Grammar School, s*xual harassment towards female student's, teacher's, and the mum's of our classmates, assaulting special need's student's and student's who misbehave during class, cyber bullying both student's and teacher's, failing to report s*x offenders caught lurking near our college, blackmail, and taking money from the college and spending it on himself.
Clarence: Crikey Clark, I just can't believe that Mr. MacGregor is such a total d*** head who anyone would like to say get a big black dog up ya to for the crime's he's been pulling off behind the backs of the oldie's of those happy little Vegemite's who he's responsible for helping to get a decent education so they can either learn a trade or go to a ripper uni one day!
Clark: No s*** because he's running our school as if it were a North Korean prison and treat's both the student's and teacher's as if they're underfed livestock on a c***** old farm run by a Queen Street farmer.
Phoebe turn's her attention to the camera's on the news helicopter and extends her right middle finger defiantly.
Phoebe: If your still out there Mr. MacGregor, well then you better listen to Clark and I very carefully because your time is coming sooner than you think, and your gonna be wearing a number and looking over your shoulder's for bun bandit's at Mount Eden Prison for a good long yonks, and you can tell your militant friend's hiding out in Cyprus to shove it!
Here's more New Zealand slang.
Bun bandit is what they call yup homos*xual guy's over there.
Queen Street farmer is an investor in rural areas with no knowledge of land use.
Here's more Aussie slang.
Fed up to the back teeth is also being in a bad mood.
Get a big black dog up ya is also get lost.

Detective Heath then turn's his attention to Elaine as he's still keeping track of the situation on his laptop.
Detective Heath: Were all sorry that your day hasn't been a box of fluffies, and we all understand how much you love Clark and Phoebe as well as your stellar singing career that's been raking in as much money as Ronda Rousey's old UFC career before she left that profession after she lost twice in a row. I have a son and daughter who are about Clark and Phoebe's age Elaine and yes I'd be p***** as a road raged truck driver who just had way too many jar's of beer to chug if they were framed for a crime they would never commit also.
Elaine: Like I've said to everyone before in the past, Clark and Phoebe are about the only family I got left and I love them to death, and yes my late husband Daniel who was also my manager would be super p***** if he were alive right now to see this b.s. going down. And as everyone already knows, I was eighteen in 2001 when I had Clark and Phoebe a month before 9/11 but luckily for Daniel and I we were already done with college and we got married a year after their birth and thankfully my up and coming recording career is what kept us all from living in some c***** whare and it also put plenty of munger on our table. Daniel supported my career a hundred percent and he was also an outstanding manager as well as my loving hubby. Daniel wasn't a full blooded Maori by the way cause he was a Pakeha of English, German, French, and Dutch descent. I still find plenty of time to be with Clark and Phoebe when I'm not recording or performing with my kapa haka's at those concert hall's and stadium's all over the globe so this way I don't end up all tired and exhausted and wind up going through the same s*** that rocker's like Elvis Presley, The Beatles, and Michael Jackson did. Clark and Phoebe support my pop career and they both intend to see to it that my music lives on, you know Sydney kind of like your nation's mega famous naturalist Steve Irwin whose dedication to saving wildlife is still going strong thanks to his wife and two kid's and yes I even did a private performance for Bindi over in Sydney a year ago. I lost Daniel to meningitis eight year's ago and I'm not in the mood to lose my babies next.
Sydney: We hear you loud and clear lass and yes I'd feel the same way if Clarence and I's kid's were framed for a crime they would never in their lives commit.
Marisa: Lucky and I still give our son Andrew plenty of attention despite our hectic work schedules and we also don't want anything bad to happen to him either.
Pakeha are non-Maori both native New Zealander or foreigner and yes that's what I'd be known to New Zealand's original inhabitants.
Whare means house in the Maori language.
Kapa haka is a group of Maori performers.
That's right, Elaine's fraternal twin son and daughter aren't completely Maori since she mentioned that her late hubby was a Pakeha and yes she was still under when she had Phoebe and Clark but at least Elaine and Daniel were done with school and weren't living in poverty thanks to her upcoming pop career and yes even in Clarence's animal inhabited world teen pregnancy has to be addressed too unfortunately.

A few second's later, Phoebe quickly removes her scarf and pant suit and place's them onto the deck, and then she untucks her dress shirt, quickly unbuttons it, take's it off till she's in her leopard pattern tube top, and place's it onto the deck, and then Phoebe lift's her tube top halfway upward exposing her outie belly button and extract's the key to Carlos's safety deposit box from the waistband of her dress pants. Back on the street, Officer Ortiz and Elaine get into another argument after he see's removing the key from the waistband of her dress pants over the TV monitor's, and the police officer's stare in shock and embarrassment.
Officer Ortiz: What the f*** is she trying to do now, channel her inner Miley Cyrus or make like a cheap ho**er in some third world barrio!
Elaine: Cut the s*** you brain dead blighter, my daughter was taking out the key to Mr. Coronado's safety deposit box as we all saw on the TV monitor's! Your lucky I'm not gonna make scroggin's out of that thick skull of yours cause I swear on the grave's of my tipuna's that I will if you ever insult my kid's again!
Lucky and Denise walk up to Elaine and Officer Ortiz to break up the argument, and Lucky's angrily gritting his teeth to them.
Lucky: Alright Elaine and Officer Ortiz, we've all had just about enough of you two behaving like whingeing two year olds!
Denise: Your both very d*** lucky that were not gonna make like Walker Texas Ranger and kick you both in the scone!
Sargent O' Riley: Look Elaine, Detective Mole is busting a gut up there trying to save your kid's from taking their own lives, keeping you from being a target of their head master, and making sure that he doesn't sell stolen weapon's to that Kurdish terrorist group.
Here's more New Zealand slang.
Scroggin is what New Zealander's call trail mix here in America.
Bust a gut is making an intense effort so for example I'm busting a gut to get that promotion at Kroger's for better pay raises.
Scone is also Aussie slang for our head.

Clark: Mr. Whitmire who is also of Maori descent is a former paratrooper in the New Zealand Army from Whangaroa on the north central coast of Te-Ilka-a-Maui, and he's now a civilian contractor employed at an army base not far from Maungakiekie.
Phoebe: Mr. Whitmire as Clark, Mr. Coronado, and I found out in our hidden camera investigation is smuggling weapon's out of those base's and providing them to Mr. MacGregor cause after all he also has a military background and knows his way around firearm's and explosives. But anyway Clarence, Officer's Ortiz and Allan were in the midst of taking us to the guard's office when we attacked them in order to avoid being taken to the police station for a crime we would never ever pull off which is bringing weapon's onto school ground's.
Clark: Phoebe executed a back kick to Officer Ortiz's family jewel's while I executed that devastating low side kick to Officer Allan's left knee popping it and landing him in the hospital, and then we both ran like h*** through the emergency exit which lead's to the back parking lot, hopped into our SUV, and drove off the campus. We hated to do that to them but it was either that or have the cop's come by to our college and drag us both to the station and besides, were not in the mood to rot in the darkest hole in Aotearoa. If your wondering where the tape's are right now Clarence, Mr. Coronado has them stashed in a safety deposit box in the vault on the first floor of the Bank of New Zealand building on Hobson Street which is close by and if your wondering where Mr. Coronado is now, he's at Auckland Hospital in serious condition thanks to a car accident he got into three day's ago.
Clarence: Strewth Clark, I'm sorry to hear that he got into a serious bingle that put him into a coma.
Phoebe: Originally Clark and I were going to that Bank of New Zealand building to pick up the tape's after we fled the school so we can hand them over to the police but unfortunately we saw the police car's and truck's gaining on us, so we wound up having to come here to the Sky Tower and make our way up to the sky deck so we could get the attention of Auckland's finest by threatening to jump to our death's if they try to arrest us so that way, it'll convince them as well as you, Sydney, Marisa, Lucky, and Denise to clear our name's and keep our mum alive.
Clarence: So that's why you mentioned the bank to your mum earlier this morning over your mobile Phoebe.
Phoebe: Oh you got that right bro.
Tia: Did Mr. Coronado give you and your sister the key to his safety deposit box just before he got seriously hurt in that car accident Clark?
Clark: Thankfully he did Miss Masterson because Phoebe has the key tucked into her tube top that she's wearing underneath her dress shirt, and it's below her belly button.
Bingle is Aussie slang for a motor vehicle accident so for example My Mustang convertible got totaled in a major bingle on Tomball Parkway last night.

Phoebe: Mr. Coronado, Clark, and I would find out later on that Mr. MacGregor and his men are planning to sell those weapon's which rightfully belong to the U.S. and New Zealand militaries to a Kurdish rebel faction that's a splinter group of the PKK. The leader of this Kurdish rebel faction is Jafar Muhammed al Rabbani and he's currently living in exile in Nicosia Cyprus.
Clark: Whatever Mr. Rabbani and his mate's are planning to do with those weapon's definitely won't be solid since there's already enough pain and suffering in the Middle East, and this is also gonna be a big a** threat to global security if the weapon's wind up in the hand's of Muslim extremist group's like ISIS for example.
Clarence: No argument there lad but how about you and Phoebe get to the part on how those gun's got into yalls locker's and where your Peruvian mate is with those tape's.
Phoebe: We knew you were gonna bring that part up because it all started not too long after Clark and I had our early morning brekkie in the canteen at Marsden Grammar School, and we were on our way to Spanish class when Officer Ortiz's Belgian malinois Zorro took a few sniffs at our locker's and barked his bum off which definitely stopped us dead in our track's.
Clark: Officer Ortiz used a lock pick to jimmy the padlocks loose, opened the door's to our locker's, and pulls out the pistol's showing them to us, and then he and his fellow guard Officer Neal Allan es**rt Phoebe and I to Mr. MacGregor's office and I'm telling you Clarence, it felt like we were about to be tossed into a raging awa in a cement overcoat and shoes by Mafia gangsters.
Phoebe: Thing's would then go from bad to worse when Mr. MacGregor told us that he knew we were on to him and his operations as if we were namu's on a whale carcass, and then he told us a few moment's into the conversation that we either take the rap for having those pistol's stashed in our locker's or he'll send out some toughs to kill our mum and make it look like an accident.
Clarence: Do you have any idea who the sticky beak in his inner circle is that might have sold you and Clark out Phoebe?
Phoebe: Well it's not the teacher's who either planted the pistol's in our locker's or sold us out to Mr. MacGregor because they also hate his guts just like Clark and I along do along with our classmates so our guess is that it's either Officer Ortiz or Mr. MacGregor's right hand man Luke Whitmire.
Here's more New Zealand slang.
Awa is Maori for river.
Namu is Maori for sandfly.

Clarence: Alright Phoebe, now I want you and Clark to calmly explain to me and everyone in the big smoke of Auckland the event's that led up to this b***** drama.
Phoebe: Glad to Clarence since Clark and I are busting a gut here to clear our good name. And also to keep our mum safe.
Clark: We'll go way back to about three month's ago when our mate Carlos Coronado who is a former counterterrorism commando from Cusco Peru came up to Phoebe and I while were doing our martial arts training at Piha late in the evening, and he told us that he dug up some dirt on Mr. MacGregor that'll definitely have everyone seeing whero.
Phoebe: Sammy MacGregor as most of us know is the head master of Marsden Grammar School who served seven year's in the New Zealand SAS before he got his start teaching world history in the mid 2000's but Clark and I know for a fact that he should be in prison eating rotten spuds and making license plate's for the bumper's of our vehicle's.
Clark: Mr. Coronado is a private eye who also work's as a security consultant at our college but anyway Clarence, he told Phoebe and I that he overheard Mr. MacGregor while he was out drinking at SKY CITY Auckland talking to some Kurdish blokes over his mobile about a weapon's deal that's going down the sixth of February which we know is Waitangi Day.
Phoebe: Clark and I would put our background's working for the school's local rag by assisting Mr. Coronado in catching our piece of manu s*** head master in the act with body camera's that he cleverly concealed in our coat's, and the three of us all got to work everyday after school tailing Mr. MacGregor and his goon's to all sort's of secluded location's in and around Auckland from rundown garage's to smelly fish packing plant's.
Clark: He and his sick cuzzie's were using those hori old buildings as storage depot's for weapon's stolen from military base's both here in New Zealand and The State's. And Phoebe and I aren't gonna lie to you when we say this because those old h*** hole's were chocka full of weapon's from assault rifle's to shoulder mounted stinger missile launcher's and I'm telling you bro, those muppet's have enough firepower to make the New Zealand War's look like a mere laser tag game.
Here's more New Zealand slang.
Whero is red in the Maori language so that means the Red Robin restaurant would be called Whero Robin over in New Zealand.
Spud's is what New Zealander's call potatoes even we've heard that slang for potatoes our whole lives but we never knew that our New Zealand counterparts came up with it first.
Rag is what New Zealander's call the local newspaper and that's what they'd call our Houston Chronicle by the way.
Hori also means old or nasty so for example That rundown hotel has to go cause it's so hori.

Meanwhile Elaine and Officer Ortiz start arguing again.
Officer Ortiz: Your amigo from koala country must be on crack because I just can't believe that he went through with the demand's of your little s**** who'll most likely kill him soon enough!
Elaine: Don't you ever talk about my kid's like that ever again you brain dead muppet or I'll be more than glad to send you back to with a pair of jandal's up your colon!
Officer Ortiz: Up yours you grass skirted ink mouthed perro whose a worthless excuse for a mother!
Denise and Marisa come up to Officer Ortiz and Elaine and angrily tell them to quit arguing with each other.
Denise: Alright Elaine and Officer Ortiz, we all want you both to shut your cake hole's right here right now!
Marisa: Enough of this bull**** Elaine because all this yelling and b******* isn't gonna save Clark and Phoebe from killing themselves or going to prison!
Detective Heath is back on his laptop as he's telling Elaine and Officer Ortiz to behave themselves.
Detective Heath: Just cut the c*** and let Detective Mole do whatever it take's to talk them out of jumping off the tower, and I'll have you both arrested if either of you decide to take a swing at each other!
A little bit later Tia, Clark, and Phoebe see the news helicopter fly up to the sky deck, and Clarence is about to leave the helicopter.
Tia: Alright Clark and Phoebe, Detective Mole has arrived and he's about to disembark from the news chopper!
Clarence safely step's out of the helicopter through the left rear side door and onto the sky deck.
Clarence: Hiya Clark and Phoebe and she'll be apple's cause I'm here now. And as your both seeing right now, I'm shirtless and in handcuffs. And this is how you both want it to be so you'll both know that I'm unarmed.
Tia comes up to Clark, Phoebe, and Clarence and raises the microphone upward.
Tia: Okay Phoebe and Clark, now that Detective Mole has arrived, I want you both to tell him and our viewer's all over Auckland what drove you both to evade arrest, how the gun's got into your locker's, and why your both threatening to jump off the Sky Tower.
Jandal's are what New Zealander's call flip flop sandals so that means Jimmy Buffet would be going I blew out my jandal's in the hit song Margaritaville.

Tia: I'm sorry Detective but that's the way they want it to be, and I'll have my crew up in the news chopper fly down towards the street to pick you up and take you to the sky deck.
Clarence: Alright lass since it'll be a lot faster getting up there in the helicopter, and I'm gonna have Lucky slap the handcuffs onto my wrists after I get shirtless first, and I'll see you and the kid's in two shakes of a dingo's tail.
Tia: Ta mate and you better hurry before Mrs Teke wind's up having to bury Phoebe and Clark six feet under.
After he shuts off his cell phone, Clarence quickly removes his business suit as the uniformed police officer's look on in shock.
Clarence: I'm definitely gonna be one big fruit loop before this bull**** is over.
Sargent O' Riley: Hate to say this Mrs Cheesebro-Mole but your loving bloke may as well be stamping Zed for zany across his forehead for what he's about to pull off.
Sydney: Well now's not the time to knock my husband lass since we got two suicidal tackers crying out for help.
Lucky walk's up to Clarence later on and he's now shirtless.
Lucky: Are you sure that you wanna go through with this bulldust?
Clarence: Hate to act mad as a mother in law's cat Lucky but I'm gonna do whatever it take's to prevent Clark and Phoebe from taking their own lives, and were definitely not in the mood to see Elaine miserable as a bandicoot if they go through with this s***.
Clarence then turn's his back to Lucky, place's his forearm's behind his lower back, and then Lucky reaches into his business suit, take's out the handcuffs, and slaps them onto Clarence's wrists, and then Clarence run's up to the news helicopter and climb's into the rear where the passenger's sit.
Zed is what New Zealander's call the letter Z and it's also called that in the other nation's of the British Commonwealth.
Here's more Aussie slang.
Knock is also to criticize.
Mad as a mother in law's cat is also another Aussie slang for insanity.
Miserable as a bandicoot is also Aussie slang for being sad.

Phoebe: Clark and I have no blooming idea how those b***** pistol's got into our locker's lass or how they got onto the college to begin with but we could smell a frame up from a mile away the moment Officer Ortiz es**rted Clark and I straight to Mr. MacGregor's office. But if you want to know more about our dire predicament and how you can Aldo do your part to clear our good name, we want you to contact Clarence right now, and tell him to come up here alone and with no shirt on so Clark and I will know that he's not packing any weapon's and we want to see him with his hand's cuffed behind his back so he cannot restrain us with his own martial arts technique's.
Clark reaches into his business suit, take's out his cell phone, and click's it on.
Clark: I got Clarence's number at the top of the call list here on my mobile so just tap on the speed dial button but just remember that Phoebe and I will jump if you call anyone in Auckland's finest to get us.
Tia: You and your sister sure have a death wish going on here huh?
Clark: You better hope not cause this is also a matter of global security as well lass.
A little bit later, Clarence hears his cell phone go off and the ringtones playing Men at Work's Down Under. Back on the sky deck, Tia answers Clark's cell phone and it's Clarence contacting her.
Clarence: Oh hiya Miss Masterson this is Detective Mole speaking.
Tia: Sorry that this day hasn't been a box of fluffies Detective but Mrs Teke's kid's want to talk to you on the sky deck right this second and they want you to come up here alone. They also want you to take off your shirt so they'll know that your not hiding any weapon's and they want your hand's cuffed behind your back so you cannot place them in any non-violent martial art type hold's.
Clarence: Strewth lass, are you f****** kidding me, Clark and Phoebe want me to come up there with my bag of fruit and shirt off and my hand's cuffed behind my back as if I were about to be shipped to the big house!
Box of fluffies is New Zealand slang for something is going well or going our way.
Hiya is also Aussie slang for hello.