Heal For Life - USA

Learning and Applying Triggers, Detriggering and Processing Skills in the Pursuit of Healing
Ed Loteria, HFL-USA (2022)

Knowing, understanding and practicing the concepts of triggers, detriggering and processing skills would prove to be very crucial components for facilitating anyone’s healing journey. In fact, in my own healing journey and extensive pastoral care and counseling ministry along with my training at Heal for Life in Australia (2012-2016), without bragging about it, I would venture to say that apart from these elements, healing would be quite difficult to achieve if not close to impossible, and it would otherwise take decades or years of therapy hours spent trying to fix the individual. I have witnessed hundreds to thousands of people (in my own pastoral care and counseling ministry and also in our HFL community in Australia, USA and Philippines) getting healed much faster and getting more stable and living happier and fuller lives when these concepts are applied to helping them.

This discovery of the Heal for Life model made me willing to throw out the window my prospect of completing my dissertation for PhD in Counseling Psychology program at DLSU, Manila. I found a much better way of truly helping people going through personal conflicts and struggles in life and relationships. I exchanged an academic PhD title for a non-degree equipping and training, a whole new model for care and helping people, something that truly works. Despite the fact that I finished and got excellent grades in all of my academic subjects in the said PhD program, I was more concerned with finding what works best for people I try to help rather than just getting for myself the glamourous few letters to put after my name. The following will explain the trade off that I am talking about. These concepts that I learned in Australia under discussion here, among others, were never taught nor even alluded to in my four years of PhD schooling at De La Salle University (2005-2009). It's a whole new conceptual framework and theoretical view of why people think, feel and act the way they do!

Triggers and How the Brain Works

Triggers are present events, incidents or circumstances that make us feel uncomfortable, uneasy and emotionally reactive. When we strongly and overly react to a present situation or event or circumstance (a trigger) even to a seemingly trivial thing as a comment, a gesture, a scent or a certain look or a situation like someone overtakes us in a parking slot or bypass us on a line; they reveal to us that something is yet unhealed or that there are unfinished issues within us that call for some form of closure. The underlying secondary emotion that short circuits our reaction (our primary emotion) to a present trigger would essentially multiply and magnify our feelings and emotional reactions because they bring back certain negative feelings and painful memories of the past (our secondary emotions) that keep lurking and boiling to the present when triggered. We overreact because we are feeling overwhelmed by both our primary (our emotions in real time) and our secondary emotions (hurts and pain that are buried but still lurk and boil inside yet ignored and kept hidden, dormant and unhealed) on top of each other.

The two best ways to handle these triggers are detriggering and processing. These are skills that allow us to manage and move our way to closure and healing from the past hurts or trauma which essentially comprise our secondary emotions. An adverse experience, whether through abuse or trauma is said to be traumatic when the subject person gets too emotionally overwhelmed and feels his or her life is at risk and thereby his/her brain gets an overload of violent and extremes of emotions and consequently wires and fires consistent with the adverse experience for self-preservation. The brain then develops a pattern of reacting to certain situations consistent with those events.

At this point, it serves us well to remember that the brain, however complex it is, does not distinguish between real or imagined, between past or present, and between physical or emotional pain. For the brain, traumatic pain is pain whether it occurred in the past or present, or something even imagined in the future, and whether or not it is physical or emotional violence that was inflicted on the person. The adverse experience or traumatic event caused the brain to wire and fire differently like in a pattern for fight, flight or freeze to preserve or save the individual from danger.

For instance, the brain would activate certain hormones or chemicals that would enable the person to either run faster than usual or lift heavy objects or brace himself for a fight, or simply play dead or freeze, when confronted with a real or perceived danger, like when a bear actually or just perceived to have entered your campsite or a burglar actually or perceived to have invaded your house. These are normal reactions and the brain functions like that for our preservation. But IF we learned to keep reacting like that even when there is no more bear or when there is no more danger, that pattern will always short circuit our functioning in the present. When the past adverse experience caused the brain to wire and fire in certain ways given the situation presented to it whether real or imagined, that pattern could stick and perpetuate (unless healed from it) in the person's brain as a way of reacting in real time, because again the brain does not distinguish the past from the present, nor between real or imagined. When triggered with a similar situation or memories of it, the person will still react consistent with the learned pattern from the past. Thus there is a need for some form of healing or closure from it.

However, the good thing about the brain as discovered by modern neuroscience, is that it could rewire and regrow new sets of neurons that would wire and fire differently from what it used to do as a result of a traumatic experience or adverse event. The brain could modify its fight, flight or freeze response through healing from the past hurts and pain, specifically, through healing from trauma.

Once the trigger is discovered, and which or what causes the brain to react inappropriately in real time is identified (keep in mind it is reacting to a past pain or “an unfinished business” which is yet to get healed), then the next huge thing should be processing the trauma in which step, the whole point is to get to a state of closure much like completing and finishing the “unfinished business.” The process could be likened to a counseling or therapy session, but it does NOT involve the hierarchy of a counselor-counselee or therapist-client relationship. In fact that hierarchy is deterrent to efficient and effective healing process. The non-hierarchy approach of a friend to friend or survivor to survivor model of care would work much better in the processing of the unfinished or unhealed emotional pain, and IT DOES NOT require a PhD to get it done! This is because the brain is able to heal itself!

The designer of the brain, God, the Ultimate Healer, made it in such a way that it could rewire and regrow new sets of neurons that would fire differently from the way it was wired due to an adverse experience either from childhood or at any stage in the lifespan. Hence, the whole point of healing would be to get the physical brain healed from the effects of traumatic experiences that overwhelmed it and caused it to wire in a way that enabled the person to survive the trauma, whether it be through fight, flight or freeze. Once the full cycle and closure is achieved, the individual would move on in life free from the emotional baggage and would then think, feel and behave with a new pattern of a healed person.

The S.U.R.E. Model & Processing of Traumatic Pain

The full-blown processing step requires what I call the S.U.R.E. model for healing: where S stands for Safety; U for Unconditional Love; R for Release of Negative Emotions and E for Empowerment. During the processing, we want to make sure the person needing help in this particular step is in a safe environment (where values of trust and confidentiality are honored); and also, that this person is loved and cared for unconditionally, without blaming or judgment as his/her trauma was NOT his/her fault. We also create an atmosphere where such person can release negative or even violent emotions in a way that will be freeing and relieving him/her of the emotional baggage. And lastly, we want to empower the person and enable him/her to do what he/she needed to do or was prevented from doing during the traumatic experience (the point of trauma) and to complete the cycle of the process allowing for closure and finishing the unfinished issues he/she has kept unattended for so long.

Just a note at this junction FYI, with S.U.R.E. model mentioned above, the R which stands for Release of Negative Emotions in the actual process involves feeling the depths of the pain and revisiting the point of trauma (IF feasible) and also IF the person is ready and willing to deal with it once and for all or he/she may want to so it little by little like in stages at the level he/she desires or wants at the time. The release could take the form of actually releasing the pain out from the individual's system by shouting, crying out loud, stomping, squeezing towels, tearing papers , throwing punches or breaking ceramics or China wares or it could be running up a hill, pulling grasses, working the lawn and/or similar activities as long as safety precautions are kept during the entire step as these activities involved the release of violent emotional energies, OR alternatively, it could involve listening to music, doing dance movements or painting an artwork that would enable the person to get the hurts and pain out of his/her system in artistic expression. The individual may decide however he/she wants to release the trauma and pain either in "wholesale or installment". I would suggest though that the processing is best done with a trusted friend, preferably a co-survivor with understanding and knowledge of trauma-informed care. Our Heal for Life-USA community offers both the venue and the avenue for whoever needs help, information or assistance along this line.

Detriggering

The detriggering part is the next best thing to do short of a full-blown processing. This means that when a person is triggered, like when all of a sudden he or she feels not okay because of a trigger like a present situation that brings to surface sad memories of the past; or it could be a certain scent, an action, a comment, a gesture that triggered something from an unhealed past hurt or pain, and that person is not able to do a full blown processing yet as is he or she is at work, at the office or just anywhere and processing is not feasible given the situation, in this case, detriggering is the step that could help get back to equilibrium, so that he or she could move on and recover from the triggered state and function at higher levels prior to the trigger. The person should take note of the trigger/s he or she experiences as they are clues to what needed to get healed from which could then be the subject of processing when this step is feasible to do.

Three Simple Steps for Detriggering

So, how does one detrigger from a triggerd state? Or how does one get back to equilibrium or balanced functioning in the event of a trigger?

The three simple steps to detriggering include: First, recognizing that you have been triggered (you're okay and suddenly, you’re not okay) you feel uncomfortable, irritated, annoyed, restless, angry, and you are reacting strangely or overly to a situation, scent, gesture, comment or action. Recognize and admit to yourself as getting or having been triggered. You may say, I am triggered, or I feel I am triggered. IF someone is with you and he or she brought about the trigger, you may want to tell him or her (IF needed) that it's is NOT about him/her. You may also need to get yourself to relax, breathe deeply a few times and if possible, find a safe place and do the detriggering steps. IF that is not possible, like you are in front of a big crowd delivering a speech or teaching a class for instance or in a social gathering or a dinner date, then you may want to do the steps in your head and try to calm down, self-sooth and restore balance or equilibrium.

Secondly, you will need to say or verbalize your feeling… say how or what you feel. This is important in order to reduce the emotion (or the energy in motion) into a language that is much easier to control. You can say I feel angry, or I feel lonely, I feel betrayed, I feel ___________________! Just say how you feel! Put into words!

And thirdly and lastly, validate yourself by saying, this is just a feeling, and this will not hurt or kill me! Do these three steps two or three times and feel yourself coming back to balance and equilibrium. The three steps of detriggering will work wonders in calming yourself quickly. As soon as you reset or refresh your internal system, you can then get back to full functioning and move on with the rest of your day! Take note of the trigger and as early as possible, do a full-blown processing to get underlying secondary emotions out of your system. That could be done with a trusted friend, a co-survivor or a trauma informed care provider. Additionally, however, IF you are alone in a private room or in an open space with no people around, you may opt to do a full-blown processing to release the pain all by yourself IF you know how to do it safely.

At Heal for Life- USA, officially launched in August 2022 in San Francisco, CA, we formed a community of survivors of childhood trauma and abuse. We are a community of kind-hearted people committed to helping others to heal for life, starting with their own. We empower and educate our community members in learning the skills discussed here and other concepts relating to healing from adverse childhood experiences such as trauma and abuse. If you reached this far reading this blog, you may want to visit or browse Heal for Life-USA in Facebook and connect with our community or get more information about the topics presented here. We also invite you to check out Heal for Life Foundation in Australia and the events, publications and materials available on their website.

About the writer: Ed Loteria is presently a pioneer and promoter of HFL-USA. He was the first Filipino participant in the Healing program of Heal for Life Foundation in Australia in 2012 and he replicated and helped establish the model in the Philippines in 2014 which was registered as HFL-Philippines, a non-profit organization. Concurrently with HFL-USA, Ed is a Board-Certified Mental Health Coach and a member of AACC, American Association of Christian Counselors. He finished his Bachelor of Arts degree major in Bible and Theology at FEBIAS College of Bible (1985) and his Master of Arts Degree in Pastoral Studies, Major in Marriage and Family Ministry at Alliance Graduate School (2005), both in the Philippines. He was also a former Director of Pastoral Care and Counseling of International Care Ministry, based in Hong Kong with office in Manila and various outreaches in Central (Visayas) and Southern (Mindanao) provinces in the Philippines (2014-2017). He was ordained as Minister of the Gospel by Christian and Missionary Alliance Churches of the Philippine and has 20 years of experience as a local church pastor and another 17 years as Marriage and Family Counselor both in the Philippines, Southeast Asia, Australia and the United States. He and His wife Mater Loteria got married in 1985 and together they have travelled extensively both locally and abroad helping people, including ministers and church leaders and members, overcome personal struggles, marriage and family conflicts, and difficulties in life and relationships. Ed and Mater have four (4) children who are now adults. The couple is currently based in Las Vegas, Nevada, USA. Globally, anyone can reach them and access their empowering and inspiring blogs, posts and articles through their pages, namely, Heal for Life-USA; Couples E; Family Matters Most International Ministry; Center for Trauma-Informed Care and Empowerment; and Center for Child, Youth and Family Protection.

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Lessons on Forgiveness
Ed Loteria (2022), Heal for Life - USA

Forgiving someone who offended or hurt us deeply is NOT an easy thing to do. The emotional and/or physical wound (even financial harm) caused by our offender or abuser (a stranger, friend, co-worker, boss or an acquaintance or even a significant other like someone who was supposed to protect and love us) could cause severe damage and pain that we may find difficult IF not impossible for us to simply “forgive and forget” and move on with our lives.

These abuses and violations on our being and insults to and assault on the core of our personal identify could impact our life and our entire future IF left unforgiven, unattended and ignored. The emotional pain from an unsettled issue, also called “unfinished business” that requires closure, will continue to lie dormant waiting to be triggered by a present event or circumstance that would cause it to explode or rise to the surface to show its ugly face. We may wonder why a person would overly react to even a seemingly trivial or insignificant tone of voice, a gesture, a scent or a comment or behavior. The reason being, that such individual’s past pain or emotional baggage has been triggered.

Psychologists refer to this as secondary emotion on top of what should have been a primary emotion that supposedly matches or corresponds to the current situation. The over reaction is an indicator of a secondary emotion that lied dormant and kept “under the rug” and it short circuits the entire relational interaction or transaction in the present such that a supposedly minor issue becomes an explosive and major one.

A good example here is an altercation between two people (driving into an almost full parking lot) on account of a parking space where one believes that he was first to find the parking slot but the other driver was quicker in maneuvering his car to park in the said space. What should have been a simple misunderstanding could elevate to a ‘word war’ or even a fist fight and in one actual case, the offended driver, in rage, took a gun and shoot the other driver and killed him right there in the parking lot. This was a clear over reaction and it demonstrates the fact that outraged driver who murdered the other driver was so triggered by the situation and rage exploded and got the worse of him. In short, an unfinished issue (like being deprived of a legitimate need in his past) laid dormant and was triggered and caused the offended driver to overly react in such violent way.

Before going any further, let me define forgiveness from a horizontal (human to human) relational perspective as “Setting the captive free, only to find out that you were the captive!” Forgiving the offender or abuser is a decision that we must make. Similar to God's forgiveness, it is deciding to no longer count the offense against the offender/abuser. Are we still withholding it and thereby continue to suffer the effects of the pain caused to us, OR are we willing to let go and set ourselves free from the emotional baggage that we harbor and for so long carry? Forgiving is refusing to no longer be resentful or vengeful, it is being free from the bo***ge of an unforgiving spirit and living a life full of resentment!

When we let go and forgive, it does NOT mean that we will be able to forget the offense done to us. It only means that we no longer want to take revenge or ‘get even with’ and we are deciding to no longer be burdened by the emotional damaged caused to us. We forgive because we want to heal and be able to move on with our life.

This process DOES NOT require that we should be reconciled and be friends with our abuser or offender. Reconciliation is totally a different and separate issue which necessitates, reparation of the damage done and a recognition by the offender of the wrong he/she has committed thereby sincerely asking for forgiveness or at least an apology for it and showing some form of remorse and a willingness to change and make amends by facing the just consequence/s of the wrongful act.

This seems to be the roadblock to releasing forgiveness for many. They thought that releasing forgiveness equals getting reconciled with the offender like nothing happened or no offense was committed. With this in mind (forgiveness is NOT EQUAL to reconciliation) we can release forgiveness for our own sake and have nothing to do any more with the abuser or offender unless there are sincere gestures of reparations of the damage caused and an appeal or request for apology or forgiveness of some sort and a demonstration of change in behavior and sincere efforts to repair the broken relationship.

From a vertical (God to human) relational perspective, this concept is similar to the way that God forgives our sins, as they are already paid for by the ultimate sacrificial death of the Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus actually bled and died for the forgiveness of our sins. He is the Lamb who takes away the sins of the world by carrying upon Himself the full consequences and death penalty for sin. But take note that such forgiveness only means that God is no longer counting our sins against us. We are still required by God to accept that merciful grant of forgiveness, also to forgive others who sinned against us AND we still need to repent (change the direction of our hearts) from our sins and be reconciled to God by our faith on the Lord Jesus Christ. And as a demonstration of our true faith, we need to change our behavior and make amends for the wrong that we have done against God and other people. Only then are we going to be truly reconciled with God and forgiven of our sins both at the same time!

Forgiveness of sins has been accomplished through Christ's death on the cross, but our reconciliation with God requires some demonstration of our faith response to what Christ did for us and in our stead; a change of heart and mind; and a subsequent change of attitude, lifestyle and behavior. With these arguments, I hope that it is quite clear that on a vertical relationship with God, we need BOTH the forgiveness brought about by the cross and reconciliation with God as a result of our true faith response backed up or evidenced by our good works, such as a changed behavior or lifestyle. However, on the horizontal level, we can release forgiveness and be free and healed from the pain, but reconciliation (similar to pursuing to reconciliation with God) would have to be conditional and dependent on the attitude and behavior of the offender/abuser.

How should we forgive in a way that would allow us to heal from the pain of the past?

Let me suggest a few simple steps here, but allow me to distinguish first true forgiveness (one that allows healing to happen) from what is called “cheap grace.” The later happens when the offended party simply, easily and readily pronounce forgiveness without revisiting the pain inflicted to him/her at the deepest level or to the fullest extent of the damage caused. It is like forgiving too soon! Without revisiting the damage caused or the pain involved in the offense, granting forgiveness too soon would result in a residue of the emotional baggage or garbage that would still remain unresolved deep inside. Hence, an honest evaluation of the damage caused is in order.

This is not like keeping a record of wrong done to us. We are doing an “Inner Man” work (others called this Inner-Child work (where the trauma and abuse happened way back in childhood), I prefer the former term as it is scripturally based and it could encompass both childhood and adult trauma and abuse. It is the process or act to release whatever negative emotions and hurts and pain that we need to get rid of from our internal system. The act of forgiving is actually done through what is called processing of emotional hurts and pain. Forgiving is releasing the pain and hurts associated with the offense or abuse such that we are no longer held captives by them. In effect it is releasing ourselves from the chains brought about by the impact of the offense or abuse. It is therefore self-liberating or a self declaration of independence from the pain of the past!

Answering the question on a scale of 1-10 with 10 as the highest, how much painful was the offense or abuse done to you? Without necessarily recounting the offense or abuse in full details (as this could be retraumatizing to the offended party), revisiting the actual amount or depth of the pain and releasing the same amount of pain from such level, allowing its full release and expression of rage, releasing it all out from the person’s body, and then actually deciding to forgive for his/ her own sake and not count the offense anymore against the offender but getting it all out from his/her system!

Release could be done by shouting, clasping the fists, squeezing a towel, stomping, running, throwing and breaking ceramics, boxing the air or a punching bag, throwing rocks into the river, pulling grass, tearing papers and other safe means of releasing the emotional energy. Some people may use dance to release these trapped emotions, others may play the drums, paint on a canvass, write a letter, but most would simply just cry out loud and release all the hurts and pain, and the resulting anger and rage that lie within much like casting all your cares to God because HE cares for you! It is doing what needed to be done to get pass the hurt and pain that were ignored and left unfinished or unattended most of it coming all the way from childhood. It is facing the rage, anger or wrath with courage and saying I don't want you in my life anymore.

This is best done with somebody who understands the processing of triggers, someone non-judgmental, who genuinely cares and commits to confidentiality as well as serves as a witness to the person’s courage to finally release these negative emotional energies and work towards what is called catharsis. Such caring person standing side by side and genuinely caring would after witnessing completion of the release process would validate the person, affirm that their pain was NOT his/her fault and that NOW, having released those pain with courage, the person deserves to be nurtured, cared for and loved.

The witness may also role play a scenario where he/she acts as the offender or abuser humbly asking for an apology and seeking forgiveness from the offended person. This will actually trick the brain and cause it to renew itself and create new neural pathways that is consistent with healing from the past. It will also create some form of closure as the person would have gone full circle in finishing what was unfinished and unresolved even though the abuser or offender is actually not present or may be long dead or gone. Hence, in the whole process of forgiving, we see that the problem is no longer the abuser or offender but the unresolved pain and hurt harbored and probably even nursed for so long by the offended party.

Please remember that the brain does not distinguish between actual or real and imagined; past or present; physical or emotional pain. Once the trauma work is done, the brain would rewire in such a way that it will no longer react in overly manner to situations that previously would trigger the secondary emotion as it has now been dealt with and released out of the person’s body or system using the different methods mentioned earlier. Hence, the person’s reaction would be purely primary emotions with NO secondary emotions anymore and would therefore now match or coincide with the present situation without any underlying emotional baggage from past hurts. This process may take several sessions as the person may not be ready to do a full and complete process all at once on single shot or may have several unfinished issues to work with. This is why we need a loving and caring community of survivors of trauma and abuse committed to helping and supporting each other along this line.

On August 13, 2022 in San Francisco, CA, we formally created a healing community with Heal for Life-USA in partnership with IAMF Foundation, where we agreed to bond together and form a movement of kind-hearted people committed to help support each other’s healing journey starting with our own from wherever we are geographically in the US and beyond. We wish to provide a venue (online or face to face) and an avenue to facilitate healing from past hurts and pain for people within our caring community. We will provide the necessary equipping, training and support to those who wish to pursue their healing journey and assist others who need help to heal for life!

Our philosophy included
1). Confidentiality
2). Non judgmental;
3). Non-hierarchy;
4). Non-directive;
5) Trauma-informed;
6) Biblically grounded but also Scripture and Science integrative; and
7) We believe that God, who created and designed the brain to work in such marvelous ways and be able to change and rewire itself, is the Ultimate Healer!

Our SURE model for healing...
S for Safety
U for Unconditional love
R for Release of negative emotions
E for Empowerment

If you mindfully read this blog and are interested to join the HFL-USA community or are interested in pursuing emotional healing for yourself or for a loved one or significant others, you may comment here and we will DM you for more details. Please like our FB page Heal for Life-USA and familiarize yourself with the concepts, advocacies and aspirations of our community. You may also text (702) 4948258 or send an email to [email protected].
Ed Loteria (2022) Heal for Life-USA