Dr. Ifat Matzner Herooti - A Parenting Coach

Starting soon❤️

4-Day Challenge for Parents: “Coping With Children’s Emotions” This challenge is designed to give you practical knowledge and proven methods to help you manage your child’s intense emotions with ease. After guiding countless parents who felt powerless in the face of tantrums, meltdowns, and emotional outbursts, I created this 4-day challenge to help you creat...

״Managing 100 people is easier for me than being home with 3 kids!”

That what he told me during the talk I gave at Google.

I talked about ways and strategies to be effective as a parent and as a manager.
I saw that one of the managers was very restless. Eventually, he raised his hand and said, with so much honesty and authenticity:
“Managing my group of 100 people is easier for me than being home with my 3 kids!
I feel in control at work, respected and appreciated.
But at home I feel frustrated, disrespected and unappreciated.
Everything at home is so complicated and I need to ask my kids 10 times to do simple tasks like washing their hands!”

I thanked him for his honesty told him that I totally got him and that what he felt was very normal and common for several reasons:
First, at work you receive trainings, guidance and you can ask for help when you need it.
However, you receive no training when you become a parent.
Second, most of our parents didn’t know how to cope with our behavior and emotions when we were kids. Thus, it’s not surprising that we don’t know how to deal with our kids’ behaviors and emotions.
If you want to learn how to do it – you need to proactively seek trainings and guidance.

What do you think?
Why is it easier to manage people than taking care of kids?

⭐️It’s a bestseller!⭐️

When organizations contact me to schedule one of my lectures for their employees, they ask what can help parents the most these days.

Without a doubt I answer that the most important skill parents need to develop is coping with their children's emotions.

When parents have the tools and they implement them consistently- they see the change immediately.

The children calm down faster because they feel understood and supported.

It's not a coincidence that my book is #1 best seller in Parenting Emotions & Feelings!

In my book you will find helpful advice and tips on how to cope with children's emotions.

Children who feel respected no longer have to struggle and act in spite.

What do you think?

How should you react when you discover that your children lied to you?

Many parents react with anger, threats, maybe punishments in order to convey the message that it's wrong to lie.
I'm here to tell you that this "shock therapy" (that I used myself in the past) won't make your children more honest.

Instead, this "shock therapy" will teach your kids to think twice about whether to turn to you the next time they do something wrong.

We don't want our children to be afraid of us, right?

So, what you should do?

First, breathe deeply.

Second, understand that it is part of your kid's natural human development.

Third, be curious and try to understand your kid's reasons and motives. This way, you’ll learn new things about your child. You’ll get to know them better, understand what’s going on through their minds and what they are dealing with.

Also, your connection will grow stronger, and your kids will know that no matter what they do and what happens to them, they’ll always be able to turn to you.

What about values, you might ask. What about morality?
It depends.
If you are really trying to speak the truth, you must’ve given your children those values through your behavior and personal examples.

Remember that children have highly sensitive radar, and they learn from everything we do and say. Every telephone conversation that you have had next to them, every reaction you had on the road, whenever they saw your conduct—these all taught them something about you, your values, about adults and about the world.

Tell me: how do you react when you discover that your child lied to you?
Did this post give you some food for thought?

Sensitivity is a superpower.

It's the ability to live life courageously without being afraid of our own emotions and the emotions of others.

It's not easy sometimes.

Especially in our society which regards the expression of emotions as weakness.

Our future will be better when we acknowledge this:
There are no bad or good emotions.
There are just emotions.

It's part of being human.

Tag the boys and men in your life to encourage them to own their emotions.

Sensitivity is a superpower.

It's the ability to live life courageously without being afraid of our own emotions and the emotions of others.

It's not easy sometimes.
Especially in our society which regards the expression of emotions as weakness.

Our future will be better when we acknowledge this:
There are no bad or good emotions.
There are just emotions.

It's part of being human.

Tag the boys and men in your life to encourage them to own their emotions.

Have you ever seen a brain scan of a child?❓❓❓

Most of us don’t know what a child’s brain looks like compared to that of an adult's, and that’s a shame.

It would’ve saved us a great deal of frustration and helplessness.

If there’s something that parents should be shown from the start, it’s a brain scan. It would make their lives with children much more comprehensible, and it can help parents be more compassionate and forgiving — of themselves as well.

If you look at a color brain scan, you’ll see that a child’s brain is filled with colors.
They have a party going on in their heads, and it’s all natural! No alcohol, no drugs. They are high on life itself.

As people age, the colors change.
The brain takes on a consistent color that looks pretty gray.
While the brain continues to develop throughout life and learn new skills, part of the brain reaches peak maturity in its twenties.

That part of the brain is called the prefrontal cortex.

The prefrontal cortex is responsible for:
🧠 delaying gratification
🧠 long-term planning
🧠understanding causal relationships

Let’s admit that this part of the brain does not fully develop in some adults either and that we sometimes find it difficult to delay gratification ourselves.🧠🧠🧠

If it’s like that for us, just imagine what it’s like for kids, whose prefrontal cortex has not yet fully developed.

🧡I hope this information helps you to better understand your kids' emotions and behaviors.
It certainly helped me and I'm a better parent since realizing that it's all in the brain.
🧡Please share this post with other parents who need to know this info

Here is a quick tip to immediately improve your relationship at home:

🧡Focus on behaviors you want to encourage and ignore behaviors you want to extinguish.🧡

This sentence contradicts just about everything we have been taught about learning, education and realizing potential.

We were always taught that improvement occurs only if you focus on the problematic behavior, and here I am telling you to ignore it (for now).

When parents come for counseling, we try to understand what their child is trying to say through her behavior, what’s bothering her, and what she needs.

It is only after understanding the emotion and need underlying the behavior that we can put together a plan that will treat the relevant emotions and needs.

In other words, we let go of the disruptive behavior and disregard it because it is just the symptom.
We must identify the root cause of the behavior and treat it.

Parents come back to report the magical change—the behavior that brought them in had stopped or significantly subsided.

What do you say, ready to give it a try?