04/07/2023
As the saying goes, “practice doesn’t make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect.” It’s not enough to just practice. If you shoot 100 free throw as practice, but miss all of them, did you really improve? Effective preparation for difficult conversations involves a combination of mental and logistical preparation as well as finding ways to rehearse what and how you’ll say what you need to say.
1. Think through your goals: Clarifying the purpose and goal of the conversation can help us stay focused on the big picture and avoid getting sidetracked by emotions or tangential issues. The goal needs to be observable and measurable.
2. Reframe your limiting mindsets: Identify the mindsets that bring you the stress and anxiety about the difficult conversation – Do you worry about ruffling feathers? Are you worried about being seen as aggressive? Do you worry about the potential for the other person yelling or becoming emotional? Instead, ask yourself, how can I reframe this situation to be a positive purpose? How can I reframe hearing “no” or receiving push back as a good thing?
3. Identify your emotions and triggers: By acknowledging and managing our emotions, we can reduce the risk of getting defensive, angry, or overwhelmed.
4. Plan the logistics: gather any necessary information, think through the power dynamics and cultural factors at play, and write down a script.
5. Practice/Role Play: How can you rehearse the conversation and get feedback? Who can help you prepare? Practicing and role-playing the conversation can help us refine our communication skills, improve our confidence, and anticipate different scenarios. You can also get feedback from a trusted colleague, mentor, or coach, who can provide constructive criticism and support.
08/01/2022
Giving feedback is sometimes overcomplicated or sometimes just plain vague. Especially if you don't have a format to follow. Forget the "feedback sandwich", here are 3 Easy steps to effective feedback:
1. State what the person did/what you observed - Be neutral, objective, and stick to the facts.
2. State the impact of the behavior - Plainly state what the impact of their behavior was.
3. State what you want the person to do differently in the future - Again, stay objective and stick to behaviors.
Then just sit in that silence.
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