Barnabeas, Inc.

There surely are not enough seasons left if you are using your time to filter through many layers of sickness. There is only time to keep your eye on the light. Feeling profoundly ill and fighting is like trying to drive through a white out. If you make it through, it can be cathartic. Keeping your wits and ability to fight is the greatest obstacle regardless of how resilient you might be. Calling on your every resource for that fight is essential. Where does the strength come from when you are so depleted? There are no preconceptions or expectations, just the drive to move through the isolation, pain, exhaustion and weakness. Where is your spirit during this battle? You can’t waste energy on wishing and hoping. Who are you? You become an even stronger version of yourself. Regardless of your rational perspective, after the siege there is an even newer norm. There are new insights. Those who may not have understood before, maybe get that there might not be time to waste. Hearing encouraging words at this late date is surprising after decades of dealing with chronic illness. I am not in the judgment business only when I am looking in the mirror. When things look clearer, the air smells fresh, colors are brighter, the house is more beautiful. The children and the dog are even greater. You say “when” when you’ve had enough. Never say “when”. There is always so much to learn and see.

You were very young when you became a caregiver. Your loving and caring parents became ill as far back as you can remember. So many things confused you. You will take responsibility for your parents’ well being and for that matter anyone else’s who are in need. You think everything is about what you could do. You think you could right all wrongs. If you keep giving everything would be ok. You will have boundless energy. You will get a lot of love from everyone around you. When you are twelve you will have to run the household when your mom goes to the hospital with breast cancer. Your dad will spend a lot of time in and out of the hospital. You will do ok in school. You will realize late in life that you were always anxious. You thought that was ok. It was your norm.
You did not know you could have done a lot better without all that worry. You loved your mom and dad so much and needed them so you did everything to keep them well. No matter what you do, you will always worry about losing them. You will be extremely athletic and have a lot of friends. When you are just fourteen you will work for two attorneys who taught you how to be a legal secretary and learn a lot about lawyering. Your childhood is laced with a lot of emotional pain. You will unintentionally groom yourself to get involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. You will meet a guy at sixteen and marry him just before your 21st birthday. You have a son at 22 and twins, a boy and a girl when you are 24. You become very ill during your pregnancies. You learned a few years later that you had LUPUS, an autoimmune disease of the connective blood tissues. You will become very ill at age 31. You have to deal with your ill parents, three children, the eldest the neediest of the three. You will be in the midst of a chaotic marriage which will end in divorce after 17 1/2 years. You will deal with your family, your illness, single motherhood and planning a future with the kind of resilience you always had. You will embark on a career in a Software Development company where you learn how to be a leader. You later will go off on your own. You will never want to stop working. You will never want to stop trying to build something.

Your identity is defined by your ability to either be subserviant or in charge of a crisis. You learn empathy. You are a product of your environment. Your nature is genetic. You need to know whatever was going to happen happened. You will be a problem solver. You will be a fixer. You need to know your perserverence and resilience will get you through your most anticipated difficulties. Some of the peace you wanted so desperately to feel would come to you when you let go of things that are not within your control. You will learn how to cope. You will be in charge of your destiny. You were and will not be responsible for everyone’s happiness. You will have developed confidence, insight and deep gratitude as a result of all the tasks you took on or were assigned. You will never have a sense of entitlement, but rather you find a gift in very small things. You will learn how to be methodical in your thinking and figure out solutions without anger. Your journey will continue as you evolve as a work in progress.

Calling attention to how long you’ve been doing something has nothing to do with how good you are doing it. The grandma talks about making the same dish for forty years. Her young counterpart proclaims, but grandma, it was never good. Tenure or age has nothing to do with excellence. If you are relevant, you keep proving yourself. Those who have skills use the years of experience to build and always strive to be better.

If we are fortunate enough to live a long life, at the end some of us look back and give ourselves a grade. Were we charitable? Was I a good friend? Did I do my parents proud? What do my children think of me? Did I redeem myself?

Living long enough is a gift if we take with us good health, prosperity and good nature. Living the good life is open to interpretation. Being taught good values and if fortunate enough to inherit high intelligence will give you a leg up in securing financial security by making smart choices. Good judgment will open the right doors.

Looking at aging negatively is ageism and counter productive to personifying dignity and someone worthy of respect. Holding yourself in the highest esteem will command admiration.

When we are impressionable and someone from our past is gone, it’s a painful void. Often people are critical of others who are saddened by the loss of a celebrity. If you love someone and there’s loss, it’s pivotal regardless of how it’s characterized. There is a relatability factor when we fall in love with a song or artist. The longer we live, the more loss we encounter. Now, folks are remembering Aretha Franklin who has deeply impacted us with her music and humanity. If, somehow, her strength continues to keep her on this planet, I will be grateful. I wish her peace.

Survival is its own journey. It can be a long ride with alternate routes. Navigating with courage, an open mind and authenticity guides you to enlightenment.
MR

These are questioning times of morality. By definition, morality is the distinction between right and wrong, multi dimensional in nature. This is not a gender specific issue. Cultural change is happening. Soul searching is necessary to deal with all the elements. Those who are brave will take the journey...🆘

To all the fathers of daughters...

Your words are her bible, so choose them carefully. Tell her what her value is.

Your deeds are her example of how men are, so live a good life.

You are your daughter's hero, so always be there for her.

She idolizes you, so love her with honesty. Live up to her expectations.

You are her strength, so show her the gentleness and dignity of a real man. Give her permission to be great.

You provide security, so make her feel safe.

She needs your approval, so tell her what's important. Tell her to use the brain she has to do her best and be her best.

You teach her how a man is supposed to treat a woman, so really listen to the women in your life.

You are the reason she will trust a man, so tell her the gentle truth everyday.

Your daughter is left to figure out how to proceed without all this, so give your daughter a running start in life.

Wishing is for dreamers. Doing is for fighters...
Marcia Richman, CPC

Not to be Confused with Positive Thinking

Hating takes so much energy. Love is not the flip side, no relation. Love has and deserves its own place in a different family. If the aspiration is to be at peace, hate is the saboteur. Anger is hate's sibling. So, when hate and anger crash the progression of your life, you get countered. Polyanna is not invited to this party, but reality is. Reality is the head of the family and needs uninterrupted solid direction.

Author:

Marcia Richman, CPC

Everyone has perception. Not everyone is perceptive. Perceptive people possess high emotional intelligence. They are sympathetic, understand intentions and are mindful. In speaking with those without these qualities, communication should be concrete and specific.

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Marcia Richman, CPC
New York, New York
[email protected]
646-761-2128

Dear Real Estate Professional:

My name is Marcia Richman, Certified Professional Coach, specializing in Transitional Coaching. I help homeowners transition to their new lifestyles through a personalized, systematic relocation plan. I am referred to homeowners by realtors who have clients feeling challenged by the entire sales and move process.

Homeowners often become emotionally attached to their homes holding onto a lifetime of memories. Through coaching, I offer a shift in perspective and demonstrate what is possible through customized planning.

My services include but are not limited to:

Relocation coaching, staging, concierge, move plan.

During the process of change, an all-things-are-possible mentality can make the thought of the next thing exciting. To contact me, send me an email @ [email protected] or message me on FB. I look forward to discussing a mutually beneficial association.

Thank you.

Marcia Richman, CPC