Karen Elizaga, Coach

It’s been a minute… several minutes since I posted a Sweet Spot Check. Over the last few months, I’ve been writing – a lot and happily because one of my favorite things to do with my clients is the 360 Feedback Report, which I have referenced in my writings before. But the volume of writing and the time it took (partially) caused me to turn away from these Sweet Spot Checks here, and I don’t like that. I’ll reflect on the process of giving and receiving feedback next time, but I thought more appropriately, I could write about time and space management, since I too have been struggling with it.

Over the last few months, I’ve traveled and done some really fun stuff that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed. I also have done other things out of obligation that I’ve enjoyed less. In addition, I filled many hours watching various streaming services – some really quality viewing alongside really mindless entertainment. Through all of this, I clearly and unintentionally moved away from doing certain things that I love, as well as things that unquestionably have a positive impact on my personal and professional life.

Does that resonate at all? You want to do something productive – exercise, work on a new project, connect with friends and loved ones, put in effort to excel even more at work, have a new experience, get more sleep, tend to your mental and physical health – but you don’t make the time or the space for it. And time passes, and holy moly – it’s been three months since I’ve done one of these posts!

Yes! We are all busy. But I bet if we take two steps back, we can re-locate the time and space for more of the things we love – the things that are accretive to our (and perhaps others’) existence. Did I have zero time to do write these Instagram posts? I am certain I had time. I just made different choices – some purposefully and some just by default.

Check the comments for your Sweet Spot Check… to create more time and space for what you want and love to do and to do so with full intention and purpose.

Feedback is a tricky subject. Whether it’s positive or constructive, some of my clients are resistant to providing it, some of them have a hard time embracing it (yes, even positive words!), and yet, they know handling feedback as the giver or the receiver can be very productive.

Feedback is at the forefront of my mind because I’m currently conducting 360 assessments for seven people on a leadership team with which I’ve worked for the last 10 years. Happily, as I’ve been speaking with them and those people who have relevant opinions, massive growth has actually transpired from the original assessments 10 years ago. Two out of the four original guys told me they still often refer to the reports (made my day!). Meaningful feedback creates positive change!

But some of my clients have approached these feedback situations with some trepidation. One of them said “everybody can improve on something” so what’s the downside of feedback? Sometimes it’s just the delivery that makes it thoroughly unpleasant and entirely un-useful.

Here’s the trick. How you deliver the feedback is just as important as the content of your message. Feel the difference between these two methods of delivery:

“Thank you for being open to listening: this is what is working, and here is an area where I think you could grow. What could a different approach look like?”

versus

“Why would you ever do something that way?? That was stupid. Do it this way instead.”

What were your visceral reactions to each? Admittedly, the latter type of “feedback” can come in heated moments of strife or challenge. But ultimately, it’s not heard and therefore definitely not embraced by the recipient. And nothing changes.

Instead, taking time and being thoughtful about what you want to say can effect real change, as I’ve seen with clients over many years. And when they see change in themselves as a result of this kind of feedback, they make the effort to be more forthright about insights they want to share.

Check the comments for tips on providing feedback.

This past Sunday, we walked our dogs by the New York Half – the 13.1 mile run that ended in Central Park. It was a truly glorious morning, and these people who decide to consistently train and then wake up on an extremely cold Sunday morning always inspire me.

It reminded me of a conversation between runners I heard a few weeks ago. Clearly serious runners (as evidenced by their race attire and the number of races they’d run (yes, I overheard a lot)), one of them said, “Gosh, I remember the first 10K I ran. I thought I was going to die.”

I smiled when I heard this. He thought he was going to die. And yet, here he was running with other experienced runners, also having run many races following that first 10K. Clearly, he persevered through the self-doubt and the pain.

It made me think of all of the things my clients have faced, my husband and children have encountered, and I have witnessed. There are a lot of scary first times – the first time you raised your hand in a large lecture hall, the first time you interviewed for a coveted job, the first time you got up to give a presentation, the first time you asked for a significant bump in your compensation, the first time you made a huge mistake at work, the first time you had to really advocate for a spot at the table… Imagine if any challenge caused you so much pain that you walked away and never tried again.

This guy kept going. He looked fit. He was running at a fast clip. He seemed happy. He was connected with other runners. He would have had none (or at least less) of all of this had he given up that first, excruciating time. I didn’t listen long enough to know what motivated him to keep going and to achieve all he had. But that’s a question for you in the Sweet Spot Check in the comments.

I’ve now just returned to NYC from southern California, where my daughter is a sophomore at UC Irvine, studying drama and musical theatre (among other things) and participating in the incredible effort that is a ca****la – real life Pitch Perfect – with this extraordinary team, .

The last to perform of eleven groups, the remarkable performers of UV strutted, belted, and elicited hoots and hollers from the audience who fully appreciated the depth of their exceptional creativity, hard work and robust talent. Bias aside (as much as is possible for a mom of one of the performers), they killed! They brought us to our feet. Damn! UV’s voices slayed, their choreography was razor sharp, and their joy was palpable, so they’re on to the next round in Salem, Oregon, where, as a bit of an unknown, they’ll compete against even more formidable, well-known teams.

To watch these artists, you might think there was not one iota of self-doubt or nerves. UV was truly fierce! But they are human, and behind the scenes, there may have been some. And as they approach an even bigger challenge, winning the ICCA Semi-Finals, they may experience some nervousness or anxiousness along with the excitement that comes with moving up in any highly competitive environment.

What does UV need to do to move on to win and get to the Finals? I am no expert on the creation and ex*****on of performing arts – they know way more than I do. But I can share some of the mindset work that has been so effective for my corporate clients in times of stress. I share this here with you because nerves and stress affect all of us at some point, and in those moments, we get hijacked and are not our best selves.

Check the comments for this week’s Sweet Spot Check. These tips work in the context of public speaking, interviews, auditions, tough board meetings, intimidating presentations, and even first dates. These three keys have helped so many of my clients (and my kids and me) overcome concrete challenges that catalyze unwanted nerves. I hope it works for the phenomenal UV and for you!

My husband and I have just come from a few days in Kona with incredible human beings whom we absolutely love and strive to emulate. This group of couples is quite eclectic and very inspiring, most of them being about half a generation ahead of us with perspectives and experiences that we don’t yet have. We were lucky enough to become a part of this little, tight-knit community of fantastic humans only seven years ago, being the last to join their village, following their decades of meaningful connection.

And nevertheless, we feel genuine love for them and from them.

What is so special about this group is twofold: every person (1) is successful in their own way and simultaneously humble about their achievement, and (2) has no qualms about being authentic and consistently expressing genuine thoughts and feelings. In other words, in this setting, with these people, no one wears a mask or holds others at a distance.

As a result, the connections between and amongst all of us are so nourishing. Even as we see each other’s best, we also honestly bear the challenges and insecurities with which we may be contending, and as a result, we are all beneficiaries of gracious understanding and compassion. Deeper connections. And belly laughter.

Importantly, we learn from one another. From my vantage point, I look ahead to what they are experiencing and soak up all of the knowledge that they’re willing to share. I also feel so honored when I’m asked to share my insights with them.

How can we move ourselves forward with less friction and more joy, blessed with the presence of others? Check the comments for your Sweet Spot Check.

Yesterday sadly marked the last official game of my son’s travel hockey season. Finn has been with Coach Steve and Coach Robbie for two years, and during that time, they’ve won many games, including a championship title, but there have been many losses as well.

This year, the team was optimistic about grabbing that championship for a second time, given a better winning record than last year, but the other team bested them with one shot in double over-time – a gutting end to an incredibly long and exhausting game and a devastating end to the season.

Focusing on the loss might leave us with anger and sadness. But focusing on progress, development, and joy leads to an entirely different sentiment. This team, newly forged in August 2022, was a bit clunky at the start, with some players stepping into roles left by older boys, some adapting to new coaches, and all learning one another’s playing styles. There were real growing pains, but as the season progressed, we saw them synch up to play as a team.

Wins followed, peppered by losses. In another league, in which they had not been competitive historically, they saw satisfying wins and tightly played games. Instead of individual plays, we witnessed communication, assistance, and strategy. Heads were up, eyes scanning the ice for opportunity and for each other. And boy, did these boys improve their individual games. We saw their fight. We appreciated their growth.

The elation that we as parents witnessed with every goal and every save was electric. For all of us. And the friendships and love amongst players, parents, and families that have been cultivated are true wins.

People may make fun of me for this perspective, especially because I never played an organized sport in my life. But I do hope that each of players and their families walk away from this season recognizing the tremendous growth of our boys – both as players on the ice and as humans in the world – and honoring friendships that will outlast the season.

You may not play hockey or be a hockey mom, but you do have a Sweet Spot Check in the comments! Thank you, Coach Steve, Coach Robbie, and Ken! Go Cyclones!

There’s one question that I encourage my clients and my kids to ask themselves when they’re struggling and that, I promise, changes your energy and outlook.

You ever have a day where everything seems to be going wrong? Where you feel like you can’t succeed at your job, at being a parent, at being a friend, at learning the difficult concepts in class when everyone else seems to be getting it, at looking after your health and fitness?

The coffee spills. The train is late. Your pants are too tight. You’ve messed up a project. Your friends left you out of their plans. Your mom forgot to sign you up. You got yelled at when you got home. You can’t sleep.

Those days are so friggin frustrating. Beyond. It’s not enough to just say to yourself, “it’s not a big deal” or “today is a good day” in the face of challenge. Those are just empty platitudes. But your brain can, in fact, find its way out of the funk if you ask it the right question.

When you’re otherwise experiencing or noticing all the negativity, ask yourself the question in the comments. Ask it multiple times a day. And you will totally find some light.

Check the comments for your Sweet Spot Check. Happy Valentine’s Day!

As a coach, I often focus on change with my clients. Growth. We want to get from Point A to Point B.

How do we get there? We make change. Yes, for sure. But what about the stuff that is already good and solid? And what about appreciating that goodness as we go through this process of evolution?

Being a mom of two awesome people under 20, I admit that I often focus on outcomes – getting the grades, nailing the role, winning the game. What needs to be better? What different strategies must be employed? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I also really have made an effort to recognize the wins – big and little – as they have worked through their individual progressions. Let’s not forget the things that you already are, contribute, and do well… that are a gift to your family, your community, or even the world. There is so much goodness!

All too often, in the race to succeed, we lose sight of it! I wrote last week about the 360 reports I deliver to my clients. I write long and effusive Roses sections, and I implore my clients to please read the beautiful, positive feedback and let it all sink in. I often must exhort them to stay with me as we discuss the Roses (and as they read the reports on their own) because, in fact, all they want to do is flip to the Rosebuds and the Thorns – “how did I mess up? What do I need to do better? What’s wrong with me?”

No. Stop. Look at what’s good. What do you do well? How can you shine your light brighter right now? It’s so important to recognize the assets on our personal balance sheets. They keep us moving, contribute to our self-esteem, and allow us to be brave in the face of challenge.

Check the comments for your Sweet Spot Check, which I now implore and exhort you to do… what are your Roses?

I’m smiling sheepishly as I write this because I am sometimes a perpetrator of exactly this subject. Why, when we know there’s something better, do we settle on the way we’ve always done something?

I’m about to embark on another set of 360 reviews with a client – a process by which I collect information from people who surround them (bosses, managers, peers, direct reports, and sometimes even loved ones), synthesize the information, and then deliver a Roses, Rosebuds, and Thorns report to the subjects.

Clients find the information useful and meaningful. I actually call it the “secret sauce,” as the information (both positive and constructive) typically is not said out loud and can elevate an individual’s performance significantly. And it does! We have seen tremendous growth as a result of clients embracing honest, individual feedback.

But here’s the other side of it. Clients are often very enthusiastic at the outset. Sometimes, they resist. And sometimes, the juicy bits of information sit unused because habits die hard. It’s easy to stick to what we know. And we end up where I started – embracing the old way of doing it in the face of something better.

What shifts behavior? A real desire for change. A compelling reason to make that change. Just because we are aware of the possibility of improvement doesn’t mean we will race or work assiduously to make it happen. There’s a little extra that has to happen for us pass go.

You’re not alone if you’re stuck. Check the comments for your Sweet Spot Check!

How do we evolve? As an executive coach, I work with c-suite and other management teams on exactly that – evolution. But my approach digs into the personal because the people who show up at work are the very same people who struggle, win, question, and soar at home.

I have engaged coaches and teachers myself, as well as done incredible in-residence programs for self-work. But sometimes, the people in my life who make me better as a coach, mother, wife, and daughter are just straight up friends.

I was talking with one friend in particular – we overlap not at all in our work, family, or school lives, so I don’t see her often enough. However, when we do see each other, we do deep dives almost immediately. Do we talk about the latest shows we’re watching, or beauty secrets, or the latest celebrity goss? Of course.

But there is vulnerability that allows for really meaningful conversations which give rise to evolution. Our conversations go something like, “Oh really? That’s challenging for you too? Ugh, I’m so sorry. Want to know what I do?” or “Omg that’s amazing – I am so happy for you!” So we share the (real) struggles and the wins, shedding the masks of perfection and being curious about how else we might move forward.

Her comment the last time we talked was, “This is how we evolve!” Honesty. Vulnerability. Humor. Willingness to appear imperfect. Empathy. Curiosity. Love. “We stay stuck if we keep it to ourselves.” I am so grateful for this friendship and the kindness, understanding, and support that come with it!

Surely, this approach is applicable in our personal lives, but it has tremendous value at work. Sometimes, CEOs c**k their heads when we discuss some of these (scary) concepts. But I have seen firsthand many executives and management teams improve their energy and cohesiveness as a result.

How’s your personal or professional evolution? Who’s with you? Check the comments for your Sweet Spot Check!

A couple of weeks ago, my niece, , posted a question on her story… what should she change about herself this year? I didn’t answer her question because I didn’t like the idea of her changing. At all. Rylee, aka Awesome Ryles, is an effervescent, switched-on kid who lights up a room with her energy and infectious laugh.

When we approach a new year, change is the paradigm. We make resolutions to change. But I would argue that creating these New Year’s resolutions (I actually prefer to think about intentions) is not necessarily about changing ourselves at our core. It’s about unearthing the goodness that’s already there, but which is buried by unproductive habits and patterns that we’ve picked up along the way.

These habits aren’t who we are at our essence. They’re what we do. Those things we can change while honoring the persons that we already are.

Let’s take fitness as an example since that’s often the focus of the new year. If you’re however many pounds heavier than you want to be, or if you’re winded going up a flight of stairs, what habits can you pinpoint that you can shift and find the fitter, healthier you? That person is in there.

Or here’s another… you are incredibly diligent at work, but somehow aren’t getting the accolades or promotions you think you deserve. In this case, pinpointing unproductive habits may take you being open to feedback from others, but in my practice, I’ve seen shifts in the most minute habits be massively impactful… low hanging fruit for fantastic upside. And that deserving person for sure is in there.

In examining patterns and changing them, you yourself are not changing. You’re just uncovering the better version of yourself that has been obscured by unthinking habits. Check the comments for your Sweet Spot Check (by the way, these Sweet Spot Checks are most effective when you write your answers down). 💜

Nine years ago, almost to the day, I launched my third child – my book, Find Your Sweet Spot. I wrote it because (1) for my whole life, I thought I had a book in me, so I had no choice but to finally do it, and (2) given the wins that I’d seen in the coaching journey that I began in 2004, I wanted to share them, along with tips and strategies that I’d learned and implemented for myself and with others. Basically, I wanted to provide “coaching services” to anyone, anywhere, anytime inside of this book.

love what I do, and an integral part of that love is the evolution I get to witness in my clients and readers as they move toward satisfaction, fulfillment, achievement, gratitude, fitness, and even love and happiness. I am so grateful to be a participant.

On New Year’s Day, I wrote a note. About pebbles. If I’m honest, outside of memos and reports for clients, I’ve done very little writing, and it felt really good to reflect and write in this way again. As a bonus, I got such wonderful responses, mostly telling me that you reflected on what things you tolerate unnecessarily and what you/we can do about it. One of you, , took on pebbles as the theme for your daily writing for 2023 – I am so friggin honored! So even in this social media paradigm, I was able to participate in evolution. I love it! As a result, I committed to myself and now to you that I will write (or even, gulp, video a bit) weekly to get us all thinking about how to live and operate at our own higher levels.

In my book, I created Sweet Spot Checks – a set of questions that allowed me, the writer, to encourage you, the reader, to coach yourself with some direction from me. Whenever you see this graphic, you’ll know it’s a sign for your weekly coaching Sweet Spot Check, designed to get you closer to where/how/what you want to be. I hope you enjoy them as much as I know I will love writing them.

As we say at New York Rangers games, LFG!