Arch Fuston Coaching
I guide humans to a self-led life.
Certified Self Concept Coach
Certified Professional Coach
Certified Mental and Emotional Release® Master Practitioner
Certified Neuro-Linguistics Programming Master Practitioner
Certified Stress Mastery Educator
We all do it. And it can feel 'good' to do so. Not by you--by the ego. By doing so, the ego protects itself by projecting its insecurities onto others. It's a tactic for psychological survival.
That is, until we step in. Here’s how:
1. Recognize the projection. Notice when your reaction to someone feels outsized. The stronger the charge, the more likely it’s about you, not them. For example, the disdain I feel towards the self-importance of selfies.
2. Take responsibility. Pause and ask: “What part of me is being reflected here? What am I unwilling to acknowledge in myself?” For example, there’s a part of me that seeks attention, isn’t receiving it, and is furious at those who do. This shifts the focus from blaming outward to exploring inward. This is a massive showing of courageous responsibility.
3. Reconcile this ‘part’ of you. Rather than feeling irritated towards it, welcome it back. Sit with it. Understand that something is necessitating the projection. Offer this part of you compassion and curiosity. This is how the part begins to soften.
When we meet that part with acceptance and curiosity, it stops needing to sneak in through projection. We begin to meet others—and ourselves—with more clarity and less judgment. Before we know it, that part is no longer sidelined by selfies.
Healing projections is healing ourselves. Every time we reclaim what we’ve rejected, we grow freer, more whole, more human. It’s a Vulnerabold thing to do.
In business and life, expecting others to know what you know, to do what you would do, and to think like you would think, is disrespectful––to yourself. It dismisses your knowledge, expertise, experience, savvy, and instinct. It creates drama. It also perpetuates impostorism.
A profound responsibility is taken when acknowledging and respecting our knowledge and experience. We stabilize our nervous system. The 'imposter' fades away. In doing so, we're equipping ourselves to lead, manage, and contribute in a far more effective, connecting, and meaningful way.
Attending a college graduation this weekend, listening to the advice shared with the graduates, I had a thought: These kids are about to embark on the next 40+ years of their lives, as employees. Their relationship with this will have a dramatic impact on their fulfillment.
A common business mantra says, 'Every employee is replaceable.' And it's true: every employee, no matter how valuable, is ultimately replaceable.
But you know what?
Every employer is replaceable too.
From this perspective, you take responsibility. You have choice. You also show yourself a ton of respect.
Think about it: Every employer pays you for the unique gifts, talents, and strengths you bring to the organization. That means each of us has distinct value—we ultimately bring the benefit. It's ours. And it's wanted, widely.
There's only one of you. Let that unique marketability fuel your career, not compliance or servitude or comfort. Always FEEL that you're the cause of your career.
This dynamic reduces the anxiety that's so often experienced throughout a career. It keeps you from falling into a victimhood relationship with an employer, with your career, and ultimately, life.
09/04/2024
While I don't spend time marketing myself on social media, I do provide direct access. Join me for a complementary exploratory session to see if my coaching presence and process is best for you. Zero commitment for you, 100% attention from me.
I hope to meet you!
05/17/2024
When the demands put upon us exceed our capacity to meet them, we stress.
This is an accurate, yet overly simplistic perspective on the stress reaction. To better understand the nuance of the demand/capacity equation, we get to dissect that first statement:
"When the demands..."
A demand can be a task, a responsibility, a requirement, a timeframe, etc. Demands can vary in size, scope, and scale. Perhaps most importantly, for each demand, we have a perception of it--a relationship with it.
"...put upon us..."
Our relationship with the demand impacts its 'weight.' If we perceive a demand as "put upon us," the weight of that demand is significantly heavier than its weight if we'd chosen to carry it. Recognizing and re-evaluating this relationship at the moment is emotional leadership.
"...exceed our capacity to meet them..."
Based on the above, we each have a unique threshold. Some have massive capacities for specific demands and less capacity for others. Our perception of the demand influences our capacity. Our volume of demands, whether we 'like' them or not, influence capacity.
"...we stress."
Stress is common humanity at its finest. It's our inner system's reaction to a real or perceived threat towards something we care about. We live in a society and culture where "grit" and "grind" are badges of honor. To this inner system, it's like giving it the middle finger when we ignore stress, push through stress, and grit out stress. We can't out-grit stress.
Our relationship with natural processes and experiences of our humanity (stress) is best met with curiosity, patience, and acceptance. When the demands of life exceed our capacity to handle them, it's our responsibility to attend to the stress we experience. Here's how:
Awareness of stress: Notice and acknowledge the stress instead of ignoring it. Take note of all the demands upon you at the moment. For each demand, get a sense of how you're relating to it. If stress or the catalyst for the stress reaction is happening 'to you'--know that you can shift this relationship and dramatically decrease its weight.
Acceptance of stress. Know it's only activated to protect you from something you care about and that your inner system perceives as threatening. Stressing over stress is one of the biggest causes of a human's stress. Accepting its presence at the moment allows it to metabolize and you to adapt and move forward.
Action for stress: It's up to you to calm the system. Breathwork, going for a walk while shifting your eyes from side to side (scanning), and attending to the Parts of you that feel so threatened, is our stress response to the stress reaction. Even thinking about the current moment experience of stress from a "5-years from now" perspective can help reduce the perceived level of threat.
The Parts of us that perceive something as stressful are 100% committed to their perceptions. The thoughts, feelings, sensations, and behaviors, not to mention all the biological processes happening inside, deserve our leadership, not management. Management creates tension. Leadership creates certainty.
Attending to stress with awareness, acceptance, and action is master-level leadership.
It's also a Vulnerabold thing to do.
02/09/2024
A profound source of energy is accessed when we make peace within ourselves.
Conflict is much more than destructive. It's exhaustive. Its energy depletes us to a level where our experience of life is reduced to tolerance.
That's not enough. Not anymore, at least.
Here's the deal: Conflict is no different from the conflict within. The energy is the same. It's equally exhaustive. Our inability to handle external conflicts is ruled by our inner conflicts because they often mirror each other. There's so much to learn about ourselves here!
The path to a conflict-less life begins with exploring inside. It starts with acknowledging what and how we're feeling towards a conflict and ourselves. It's an exercise in intimacy most are completely unfamiliar with. Doing so provides access to an abundance of healing energy.
Explore conflict from the inside. It's the vulnerabold thing to do.
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If you're curious enough to explore this for 20-30 minutes together, let's do it. No strings. All supportive.
01/22/2024
Choice sets us free. A fixed interpretation of our inner and outer world severely limits how we experience life. Choosing to interpret something differently is rich with possibility and opportunity.
Say you experience a set of sensations that have compelled you to overindulge. That compulsion––that familiar felt sense that you've historically interpreted as a green light raid the fridge, only to regret it moments later, is an interpretation.
Imagine interpreting that (or any) compulsion differently.
Next time you feel pulled to behave in a way that goes against a goal or intention for yourself, try this instead:
Interpret the sensations/compulsion as a felt-sense reminder to stay true to yourself in that compromising situation. Doing so is a choice that dramatically reduces the number of internal wounds we inflict on ourselves by reactively engaging old interpretations.
We can apply this to anything reactive: conversations, judgments––even tweets. The outcome of our behaviors as the result of a compulsive felt sense is determined by our interpretation of it.
Pick one thing and choose to interpret it differently. See/hear/feel it as a reminder to engage in life in a way that no longer wounds yourself but reflects love towards yourself.
It's the Vulnerabold thing to do.
01/04/2024
Present: Something provided as a gift.
Though the season of giving is over, a gift of presence is always well-received.
The wonderful thing about presence is that it's always present. There's no searching for it. It's as available as the air we breathe.
Yet, most of us move through life suffocating from a lack of presence. It shows up as being inauthentic. Constant searching for external validation. A sense of disconnection from ourselves and others.
The good news is we can dramatically reduce these inner and outer conflicts with our presence.
When experiencing a lack of presence, call on AAA for help: Awareness, Acceptance, and Attunement.
With awareness, we become conscious and curious about how our body system responds to the world around us. Instead of associating an old, familiar feeling of discomfort on auto-pilot, we explore it. We notice the intimate features and nuances of the felt-sense experience.
With acceptance, we recognize the present moment as it is, and notice that our body system has responded to it in a particular way. With acceptance comes presence, and our level of consciousness raises, providing us greater flexibility and choice in how we experience ourselves in life.
With attunement, we engage ourself and others as we/they are and do so by drawing on our internal resources of curiosity, care, and a heap-load of compassion.
The big question isn't whether or not presence is available, it's if we're available for presence. Only when we are can we begin to rewrite, reframe, and reimagine our predictive assessments of ourselves, others, and circumstances.
Start tapping into your superpower of presence. It's the Vulnerabold thing to do.
11/10/2023
In general, we move about through life towards the things we like and away from the things we don’t like. Valued/not valued, with some shades of ‘meh.’
A disconnection with one’s values has an impact on one’s identity with being of value.
Experiencing what we value plays a vital role in our daily wellbeing, whether we’re consciously aware of it or not.
My intrinsic value is best described through what I value most in life: Intimacy, ‘vulneraboldness,’ kindness, love, creativity, adventure, and sovereignty.
Whether in my career, relationships, sports, or personal growth, these values illuminate MY path to fulfillment. These are the types of experiences I ‘value’ in life. When I’m not experiencing them, discomfort sets in. They’re notifications of misaligned movement.
At the same time, I AM these values. They’re the qualities I see, feel, and KNOW about myself, with great certainty: I am intimate. I am vulnerabold. I and kind, loving, creative, adventurous, and sovereign.
As long as I stay in authenticity with these values and qualities, I am my own measures and source of being valued.
Deeply explore your values if you’re yet to be absolutely clear on them. Tap into each one’s felt-sense. Once you’re connected to them, reflect on and find new ways to fulfill them. This is how we become them.
It’s a Vulnerabold thing to do.
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