Yogis Anonymous

Hello, friends. It's been a minute since I wrote a post directly on the page here. These days I usually write elsewhere, and just leave links to my essays here, but I wanted to go old school for a second. I thought I might reach more of you. I'm feeling very sad and concerned about something, and I'm hoping this breaks through the algorithm.

We had a profoundly heartbreaking story in the news in SoCal this week, and I want to give a content warning to anyone who has lost a child. This may not be a post you want to continue reading past the asterisks, as you will not be someone who needs to hear what I have to say.

My heart breaks for anyone who has to carry that kind of grief, and I extend you nothing but love, and the hope that you have people in your life who allow you the space to talk about your child openly, who recognize there is no end date for grief like that, who give you space to express complicated feelings as you watch your child's friends pass milestones you don't get to experience, and who support you through all the other ways a loss like that will be something you carry with you in your heart forever. I send you my deepest condolences and so much love.

The rest of the post is for people who have not experienced this kind of agony and relentless ache.

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I'm going to tell you this story, and I want to warn you it is awful. I cry every time I think about it, and I continue to think about it. On Tuesday night, a mother and her two young children went walking near Treasure Island Beach in Laguna, when a ten-foot wave slammed into the coast and dragged all three of them into the ocean. Bystanders saw it happen, and instantly swam out to help, but they were only able to pull the mother and her seven-year-old son back to safety.

Her five-year-old daughter, Amada Mia Brown, was carried away by intense rip currents. The U.S. Coast Guard sprung into action as quickly as possible, and worked alongside local authorities throughout the night and all day Wednesday looking for her.

Wednesday night they said the search was transitioning from a rescue mission to a recovery mission. I don't know how to express the sorrow out here. Her tiny body was recovered Thursday morning. It is horrendous to write those words, and worse by far to think about them.

When I first heard this story, shortly after it happened, I felt so devastated for Amada Mia's mother. I didn't want to think about it, and I couldn't help but think about it. I have two children with the same age difference between them, my son is older, my daughter is younger, and I spent all kinds of time with them at the beach when they were little. It is impossible for me not to put myself in her shoes. I sat down and sobbed.

Then I made the mistake of reading the comments under the news story I'd seen, which is why I'm writing this post.

People were so unkind. Not all of them, but far too many. There were countless comments blaming this mom for walking with her children at the beach, because the ocean has been turbulent, people asking why she wasn't holding her daughter's hand, why she wasn't watching her more carefully, why her little girl didn't have a life-jacket on, why she took them swimming at night.

They were not swimming, they were walking together, fully dressed. Most people do not put their children in life-jackets to go for a walk on the beach. She may very well have been holding her hand. She was watching her children carefully.

No one takes their children for a walk on the beach if they think something like this could possibly happen. This poor woman will be replaying this day for the rest of her life. She will be thinking about those last 30 minutes and wishing with her entire heart she could go back in time and walk a different way. She does not need strangers on the internet to be cruel beyond comprehension. This was a tragedy. It is not her fault.

I know there are a lot of people who are chronically online. I understand we are divided, angry, and exhausted, especially here in the states. I realize it is easy to dehumanize people when you are staring at a screen. People are so quick to be nasty, to lash out, to say the snarky thing, to judge.

I feel sure if the people who left those comments had heard Amada Mia's mother wailing inconsolably, if they'd been standing in front of her, they would have tried to comfort her, not punch her in the gut.

We have got to get back to our humanity. This is no way to treat each other. I know there are many of you reading this who would never leave anything but your deepest condolences under a post like that. Obviously I am not talking to you.

This is not the first time I have seen this lack of compassion. It's not the twentieth time. It has become the way of things. This was one of the more extreme cases, though. If this is where we are headed, if more than half the people in the comments section under a story about the unfathomable and traumatic loss of a little girl — are going to decide to take the opportunity to beat up on her mother — then we are really lost to each other, and to ourselves.

But that's what happens when a way of being is normalized. It gets a little worse all the time. People attack someone who disagrees with them, and before they know it, they're attacking anyone who seems vulnerable.

I guess I wanted to at least try to wave a flag over here. Sometimes it's okay to scroll by if you can't say anything constructive or kind. Taking the opportunity to knock a person down when they're already in hell is not a flex. It's not strength. It's not funny. It doesn't make you look like a better person, or smarter than they are, or more fortunate. It makes you look angry and lost, and if you're so angry and lost you want to lash out at a stranger on the internet who's entire world just fell out from underneath her feet...that's probably something to look at.

Maybe it would be good to get offline if you're feeling that way. Go for a walk, and leave your phone at home or in the office. Get some fresh air, feel the sun on your face, or the rain. Think of someone who really loves you, even if they aren't here anymore. Think about the qualities in you they appreciate so much. Try to take that in, those reasons they cherish you.

Breathe. Feel your heart beating. You're a good person. Maybe you're just having a hard time. Maybe you just need a little support. Please be kind to yourself, and please be kind to everyone else. You never know what people are going through. The world doesn't need more vitriol.

Thanks for reading. I love y'all.

Ally Hamilton



Photo Credit: Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

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