Growth & Grief MVP

If you’ve ever been forced to sit through one of my presentations, followed me on social media long enough, or just been in my presence when I talk about tools that got me through-you’ve heard about my “genie bottle”. 🧞‍♂️

You see, when I went back to therapy in 2024, after a short break (yes—your favorite therapist has a therapist…) I was having a REALLY tough time “compartmentalizing” my grief. ❤️‍🩹

There was SO much left unsaid and unresolved so it was HARD to handle daily tasks that needed addressed immediately with such HEAVY stuff weighing on me.

That’s when my therapist taught me about finding a place to put the heavy stuff so I could come back to it later. Sure—I was kinda already trying to do that, but clearly it wasn’t working.

The power of writing things and visualization came into play when we decided I needed to visualize or create a space to put these things, people, conversations, issues, and pain.

The most comfy place I could imagine IMMEDIATELY came to mind—that big comfy plush couch inside of the bottle from my favorite childhood television series, “I dream of Jeannie”. 🛋️

I started actually envisioning opening the bottle and putting things inside until I could address them later…

Yes, picture me with a tiny “Polly Pocket” sized version of my ex, dropping him in the bottle, putting the top back on, and letting all my heartache rest on that couch with him until I got done with my daily duties, popped the cork, and sorted it out! 🍾

Imagine how excited I was when I found out that Jim Bean made an almost exact replica of the bottle in 1964. I bet I fill this FAST ✨

I’m a dreamer so I often look at the whole staircase. It keeps me motivated for the end goal.

It’s important to pause and look at each step as well—to remember you’re making progress.

A leak in the roof, some drywall and a light switch in the public restroom felt like a step backwards….and then…

The supply of bottled water and the first issue of our magazine subscription arrived at the office.

Seems this little space to speak, grieve, and grow will be accepting people in person soon after all. 🙏🏼

See ya soon—and stay tuned—there’s BIG surprises on the horizon!! 🧠🫀🌱

Someone recently asked me why I was trying to make my office so “bougie” when I strategically selected a location that was accessible to individuals who may not have access to healthcare coverage, or who typically do not seek out brain healthcare.

The answer is simple. EVERYONE deserves access to a safe, comfortable, inviting space to speak, grieve, and grow.

I’ll be inviting my clients in person to share that space VERY soon. Come visit. 🫀🧠🌱

So the other day, in a clinical setting, someone asks me “How do know you know when someone has reached maximum benefits?”

It was pertaining specifically to my practice of applied behavior analysis, but it got me thinking about my overall field—and, life….

Take today for example, I have the afternoon off from my corporate job to do some last minute holiday mom’n. On my drive, I came across this amazing painting of the American Gothic on the side of a barn in Linn County. I wanted a photo SO bad.

After nearly two decades of working in an institution of government, my brain is trained to believe certain things. My initial reaction was to think of all the reasons I couldn’t just veer off my path, and have an impromptu photo shoot. It’s during working hours (even with the afternoon off), or will someone be upset I pulled on this lawn (imagine painting such a masterpiece and never having someone park on the grass to appreciate it?!).

I am *coughfortycough* years old, and I haven’t yet reached maximum benefits. I used my brains neuroplasticity to form a new connection. “Missy, it’s not working hours, no one will be upset about this besides you if you don’t do it…”

And alas, on a cold December day I danced around doing a dorky photoshoot to capture this moment of replacing old thoughts that were once useful with new ones that are more relevant to my current lifestyle and needs.

Give it a try 🧠🫀🌱

December 13, 2024 was a difficult day for me, I received some life changing news about brain health in Iowa, and the unknowing shift my career and life work was about to take.

Two days later I would learn that a loss to which mine was incomparable had also taken place.

My friend, classmate from arguably *the greatest graduating class of East High*, oh-THREE (iykyk), and supporter of my family and all our wild endeavors, died by su***de.

Lately, as I’ve been slowly piecing together a place to talk about the hard stuff, to navigate grief, and normalize not being okay—I’ve thought a lot about Shenae.

I took a piece of her artwork down to my office because, honestly, I believe her energy is present still….and as I’m in a space, chasing some wild dream that barely anybody understands, making completely irrational decisions, I can feel her judgy side eye on the back of my neck and side of my face.

Not judgy in a bad way—judgy in the way Shenae would always observe. With this smirk that said “you’re out of your mind—but imma show up and support you anyways”

Like how she showed up for me when I had the amazing idea to sneak out of the hotel in Madrid, Spain at 16 years old to run off to a local karaoke bar, slam down as many “s*x on the beaches” as I could while she drank water to make sure we made it safely back into our beds before our high school Spanish teacher noticed. And so may times, and in so many ways for the 20+ years since….

I’m sharing this about Shenae on my professional page because her wife shared an article in the newspaper for which she writes not long after she lost Shenae. The article beautifully depicts Shenae’s energy, who she was and is, but it also boldly and bravely discusses what grief can look like—and how important it is to seek out help when navigating the tough stuff, it’s an important article that needs to be heard, and Shenae’s a beautiful person that should always be celebrated.

https://iowastartingline.com/2025/01/13/this-is-what-grief-has-looked-like-for-me-isl-editor-opens-up-about-spouses-death/

In general, we treat distraction as some sort of irresponsible way of doing things, but in the “brain and behavior” world, distraction is used as a way to navigate or decrease the intensity of emotional dysregulation (aka being BIG MAD, or sad, or frustrated, or any emotion that isn’t helpful to you in the moment)….

My favorite example of a distraction activity I use often is Bath and Body Works “Twisted Peppermint” body spray.

Long before I lost my mom physically, the smell of this spray made me think of Christmas with her—in Dubuque at our craft sales, or walking the Main Street shops in Galena—just the overall magic and love I felt from her year round, and even more at the Holidays.

Now, when I wake up in the morning and can already feel the heaviness of the day or the weight of the world on me—even if it’s the middle of the summer—I already know which scent I’m reaching for to start my day. 🎄

I get a wiff and my brain is triggered instantly to think of every magical moment I’ve ever experience in life, and many of my friends will tell you they hear me say this over and OVER again….

It doesn’t take away the heartache, but boy-oh-boy is it a beautiful distraction…..

Follow me to learn more about different ways to regulate emotions 🧠🫀🌱

Unpopular opinion 🫣 I get to use my phone on days that I don’t do my best, and sometimes I eat ice cream even when I didn’t finish my vegetables—so maybe—sometimes, even when our kids have a bad day, they should have access to things that make them feel good or distract them from their troubles too….

When I first started studying behavioral analysis, the concept I was drawn to most is called *noncontingent reinforcement*…….

I’ll spare you all the clinical terminology—basically—it is offering rewards, on a regular basis, regardless.

Providing positive compliments even when someone is operating less than their best, hugs and high fives despite being frustrated at someone or about something, and treating yourself even when you didn’t get everything done that you were supposed to that day….

It’s almost as if—treating positive interactions and rewards as a right rather than a privilege can improve the overall quality of life and, in turn, improve situations and behaviors. 🙌🏼

For ways to implement concepts of applied behavioral analysis into your parenting or interactions with others, contact me or by text at 319-505-8188 🧠 🫀🌱

An important opportunity provided by an incredible colleague, James Johnson.

Reposting from a colleague, James Johnson:

You’re Invited! ✨
Join us for the Mind, Body & Spirit Conference

📅 Saturday, November 8th, 2025
📍 Waterloo Convention Center

A day created to inspire, refresh, and empower Black men as we close out this year and prepare for the next.

Your registration is required, and your presence will directly support the future programs of the Black Men’s Group in 2026.

Take this opportunity to invest in you—mind, body, and spirit.

👉 Register today:

HOME | MBS Conference 2025

Just because grief is painful to experience, doesn’t mean it has to be painful to learn more about.

I know we’ve talked a lot about GRIEF 🫀—but I’m all about GROWTH 🌱 as well.

I love tapping into my background in brain and behavior 🧠 to help individuals and those they care about and for explore ways to get comfortable in talking about intimacy and….SEX! 🤭🫣

The majority of individuals I work with as a certified s*x educator—both neuro-typical and divergent—are referred for “hypers*xual” behaviors.

Truth is—most things classified that way aren’t “hyper” at all—we can’t implement what we haven’t practiced. 🤐

If you or someone you know is ready to start getting comfortable talking about the uncomfortable topics and learning healthy ways to interact and explore intimacy in friendships, relationships AND s*xually…..Call or Text 319-505-8188 to schedule!