Positive Parenting with Josie

You know, one of the biggest myths parents carry is this “If I just learn the right strategy, everything will change.”

But after years of coaching parents, I realised something…It’s not just a lack of strategies. It’s the beliefs running quietly underneath.

Beliefs like:

“I’m failing.”
“I should be coping better.”
“If I’m not calm, I’m a bad parent.”
“My child’s behaviour means I’ve done something wrong.”

And when those beliefs are running the show, no parenting technique will stick. This is the work I do and incorporate using NLP.

It helps parents notice the stories they’ve been telling themselves for years… often without even realising it.

Because when a parent shifts from
“I’m failing” to “I’m learning” everything changes.

The nervous system settles.

What a lovely message to receive… I’ve had two clients refer to me as a fairy godmother this week ✨

This is the NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) work this client is referring to.

I am a parenting coach and love it — that is what fuels me and feeds my soul. However, I trained as an NLP practitioner (through Covid) because I found that sometimes my clients weren’t lacking strategies… they were stuck in patterns of belief and thinking that kept them there.

NLP helps us notice the stories we carry, the automatic responses we’ve learnt, and the quiet beliefs shaping how we show up — as parents, partners and people. When those patterns shift, things start to feel lighter, clearer and more possible.

This is THIS work.

I’m choosing to picture more ✨ Cate Blanchett in Cinderella ✨ than the pumpkin-carriage, wand-waving older version 😘

Tonight I spoke to parents about confidence in our children — especially in those secondary school years where self-doubt creeps in quietly.

And here’s the part that really resonated:

Confidence isn’t built by pushing.
It isn’t built by rescuing.
And it definitely isn’t built by constant reassurance.

It’s built in the wobble. That moment when your child says:
“I can’t.”
“This feels awkward.”
“What if I get it wrong?”

That middle bit the discomfort — is where confidence grows.

And it’s also where we feel most tempted to:
• Step in
• Over-explain
• Smooth it over
• Make it easier

But when we remove the wobble, we remove the growth.
Real confidence looks like:
• Ordering their own food
• Emailing the teacher
• Returning something to the shop
• Navigating a tricky friendship conversation
• Walking into something new and unfamiliar

Not because we forced them.
But because we stayed steady beside them.

There’s a big difference between:
“Go on, you’ll be fine.”
and
“I’m here. I believe you can handle this.”

One creates pressure.
One builds security.

And security is the root system of confidence.
This is the work. Quiet. Intentional. Powerful.

And if you want to go deeper into this kind of parenting, this is exactly what we explore inside The Inner Circle 🤍

Parents never stop parenting…

As a coach, a very common call I get is from parents of nine -year-old boys whose confidence has suddenly dipped.
They’re often described as more hesitant, more self-doubting, more easily knocked than they were a year earlier.

And one pattern comes up again and again.

It’s not lack of praise.
It’s actually too much of it.

Over-praise can quietly teach a child that confidence comes from external approval rather than internal trust. They start scanning the room for feedback. They hesitate before trying. They worry about getting it “right”.

Without meaning to, we can shift them from:
“I’ll give this a go”
to
“Will this be good enough?”

Real confidence grows when children experience effort without evaluation.
When they’re allowed to try, fail, wobble and recover — without it being labelled, scored or celebrated every time.

Because confidence isn’t built from applause.
It’s built from self-belief.

Over the next few days, I’ll share simple ways to shift from praise that performs to language that truly builds confidence.

More coming - did you my first post on confidence a few posts back?

This fourth child isn’t mine.
But she’s been part of my world for a very long time.

This photo was taken when she was very little running ahead towards a festival, free and unaware of how quickly time moves. And today, she turns sixteen. It’s a harsh reminder that mine are growing too.

Watching your friends’ children grow is a strange and beautiful thing. You don’t see every milestone — I didn’t see a first tooth fall out or tuck her in at night — but their growing up becomes intertwined with your own children’s lives. You remember them in chapters: who they were when your child was little, when middle school started, when independence crept in. Their timelines overlap with yours.

It’s a reminder that we never really know who children will become. We don’t get to predict how they’ll grow, what they’ll study, how they’ll carry themselves into the world. We just get to observe.

And this one… well… the journey from young to sixteen has gone pretty well huh Av?! 😌
Happy birthday darling ✨

This Thursday I’ll be speaking to a large group of parents at a secondary school, all about how we nurture confidence in our children — especially in the years where self-doubt creeps in quietly.

One of the biggest things I’ll be sharing is this 👇

Confidence isn’t loud.
It isn’t always eye contact, the reddest lipstick, bold opinions or being the most outgoing in the room.
Often, it’s much quieter than that.

For our children, confidence can look like:
• Saying “no” without feeling they owe an explanation
• Walking away from situations that don’t feel right, even when others stay
• Letting themselves be misunderstood without scrambling to fix it

Quiet confidence is powerful because it’s rooted, not reactive.
And this is what we want to grow in our teens — not bravado, but self-trust.

Over the next few days, I’m going to share some really practical nuggets from this talk — small shifts that make a big difference in how confident our children feel in themselves.

✨ Here’s the first:
Confidence grows when a child learns they don’t have to perform to be accepted.

More coming… 💬

✨ This month in the Inner Circle, we’re so lucky to have… ✨

joining us to share practical, realistic nutrition support for children and specifically talking about nutrition to support ADHD.

She’ll be talking through key foods and nutrients that can support concentration, energy, mood and gut health, without overwhelm and without perfection.

The focus is on simple, achievable changes that actually work in real family life.

If you’ve ever felt unsure about what really helps, this session is for you 🤍

Punishing teens rarely creates the change we’re hoping for.
What it often creates is distance.

When we punish, we invite a power struggle.
Who’s in control.
Who can win.
Who can get away with what.

And teens are very good at finding the places they can win.

Breaking curfews.
Drinking without asking.
Ignoring agreed boundaries.

Not because they’re reckless.
But because punishment shifts the focus from values to survival.

Instead of learning self-regulation, they learn self-protection.
Instead of honesty, they learn secrecy.
Instead of trust, they learn how to not get caught.

I’ll say the quiet part out loud.

Punishment doesn’t teach responsibility.
It teaches compliance or rebellion.

And neither builds the kind of adult we claim we’re trying to raise.

Connection isn’t permissive.
It’s harder.
It requires us to stay regulated while our teen isn’t.
To hold boundaries without using fear.
To lead without needing to “win”.

So yes. I’m against punishment.
Not because kids don’t need limits.
But because fear-based parenting creates fear-based behaviour.

And I’m curious…

If punishment truly worked, wouldn’t we see less lying, sneaking and power struggles… not more

Happy to discuss

Josie’s Inner Circle is ongoing parenting support for real life – not theory, not judgement, and not one-off fixes.

It’s a space for parents who want to understand their children better, respond more calmly, and feel more confident in the day-to-day moments that actually matter. The meltdowns, the pushback, the school struggles, the sibling dynamics, the emotional overload yours and theirs.

Inside The Circle, parents get:
• Monthly focus topics that reflect real stages and challenges (not generic advice)
• Practical tools and language you can use immediately, even when you’re tired and triggered
• Live Q&As and support, so you’re not parenting in isolation with monthly guest speakers
• A growing resource library you can return to again and again as your children change
• A community of parents who are thoughtful, reflective, and committed to doing better – not being perfect

There’s no pressure to “fix” your child.
No behaviour charts.
No parenting shame.

Just insight, reassurance, and guidance that helps you respond differently and feel confident while doing it.

The Circle is for parents who know that parenting doesn’t get easier as children grow it just changes and want support that grows with them.

Inner circle link in bio! via .app

When your child shows an attitude, what you are often seeing is a stressed and overwhelmed nervous system, not rudeness or defiance.

In those moments, instead of ignoring or punishing the behaviour, pause and get curious. Ask them, “Tell me more,” or “I’m listening, I can handle this.” These small phrases teach their brain that emotions and relationships are safe places to land.

Meeting big feelings with curiosity does not create more chaos. It builds emotional regulation, self trust and resilience.

It gently rewires their growing brain for connection rather than protection. This is how our children learn to feel without falling apart, to express rather than suppress.

It is the quiet groundwork of secure attachment.

This says it ALL!

I never understand why parents talk to their children badly because as the parent, if somebody else spoke to your child like that and we heard them, we would be the 1st to jump in and stop it!

You teach respect by modelling respect ❤️