Sarah Ward, Stylist & Coach

Can I ask a small favor? Would you be willing to share anonymously about your experiences between the sheets? What satisfies you, and what you're craving more of? Single, partnered, married, your voice is welcome.

You may be asking why!

This summer, I’m crafting a course all about "cliteracy", or cl!toral literacy — one track for vulv@ owners, and one for their lovers.

It isn't enough to support women in their quest for pleasure. Let's support their lovers as well to help create a context for 360 degree satisfaction.

In my community, we have terrific conversations that spark so many ideas. My goal is to build something that speaks directly to you — your questions, your desires, and the real-life challenges that show up for you in the bedroom.

So, choose your own adventure!
One Cl!teracy Quiz is for vulv@ owners, and one for their lovers.

And in case you're wondering, you will never be associated with your answers. This is a safe place.

As a thank you, I'll be giving away a s*xy toy to one random participant!

The link is in the comments!

We're in the final days of M@sturbation May, which means it's a great time to get to know yourself. Think of it like learning the instrument of your body. The next time you make beautiful music with a lover, your instrument will be tuned for pleasure.

A pleasure toy is a great way to activate different parts of your pleasure body.

A new toy can feel like a new lover. And if you're partnered, a toy isn't meant to replace anyone. Think of it as a way to have satisfaction on demand.

If you've been curious about toys but not sure where to start (I get it), allow me to give you a hand! 😊

I created The Beginner's Guide to Toys, a robust 40-page love letter to your erotic self. Get yours for $27, find the link in the bio.

It breaks down:
✨️ Toys for different genders and desires
✨️ How to choose body-safe materials (and avoid the sticky, toxic ones)
✨️ How to find the right l**e for your toy and your body
✨️ The difference between d!ldos, wands and vibes
✨️ Mythbusters: will a vibe break my cl!t??

A lover once asked me, “Does it always take this long for you to come?”

Yes, it often does. And for a good reason.

I want to normalize how long it generally takes for someone with a v***a to or**sm.

If you have a v***a, it can take 20-40 minutes to reach full engorgement — if you're new to this term, that's when the erectile tissue is fully aroused and primed for or**sm. Or**sm timing varies from person to person, but studies consistently put the average around 13-20 minutes (with plenty of outliers on either side).

Now, contrast that with pen*s-owners. For them, or**sm during penetrative s*x happens in about 5 to 7 minutes on average. One well-known study clocked it at 5.4 minutes.

Meet the gender or**sm gap.

This isn’t about “taking too long.” It’s about understanding basic human anatomy and the arc of arousal. Vulvas aren’t slow. They're just not built for the 5-minute sprint that mainstream s*x scripts expect.

A powerful, satisfying or**sm takes time, focus, effort, and attention — from everyone involved.

Let’s normalize the time it takes to reach peak states of pleasure — and be willing to invest the time and energy to go there.

There’s a theory about what helps romantic relationships thrive that I don’t love.

John and Julie Gottman — you know the ones, the Seattle-based researchers behind the famous love lab studies — suggest that closeness is key. Merge your lives, your calendars, your email addresses. Come so close together that nothing can get between you. 😬

But here’s the kicker:

Although, nothing getting between you can mean that nothing can ignite between you, either.

Desire doesn’t live in closeness. It lives in the space between.

Esther Perel teaches that erotic energy doesn’t thrive on sameness. It needs distance. Autonomy. A little mystery.

Though lived experience, I discovered a secret of desire: it doesn’t come from being close: It comes from learning how to be apart — and coming together on purpose.

And I want the same for you.

On Monday, I’m hosting The Secrets of Desire, where I spill the tea on desire. It’s a free workshop for couples and individuals who want to reconnect to their erotic aliveness.

In The Secrets of Desire, you’ll learn the four pillars of desire, and other potent tools from my experience as a Sexologist and Erotic Blueprints™ Coach to help you reignite intimacy in a way that feels liberating, playful, and ripe with possibility.

🔥 Monday, April 7th
🔥 6pm - 7pm PST / 9pm - 10pm EST
🔥 Live on Zoom with yours truly

Save your spot here:
https://sarahwardco.myflodesk.com/desire

Last week, I sat down with several women to help them discover their Erotic Blueprints™ — the a-ha moments were many! We explored how the different Blueprint types show up in the body and experimented with guided exercises to feel the nuances of each one. Clothes on, no pressure, just play, in a fun, eye-opening environment.

The Blueprints become a lens that people can see themselves through, a method to understand why you are the way that you are — and why your partner is, too. It's an incredible tool for self-discovery and expression.

If this sounds intriguing, I'm excited to be teaching a virtual class, Discover your Erotic Blueprint™ next weekend! Click the link in the comments for more details.

Today on my blog I'm hosting an Ask Me Anything. Instead of me setting the scene, I’m opening up the floor for you to steer the conversation. What’s alive in your life that I can support you with?

Here's a few topics within my realm of expertise:
1. Intimacy, love and romantic relationships
2. Desire and the Erotic Blueprints™
3. Religious trauma and decolonization
4. Sensual embodiment and pleasure
5. Personal style and wardrobe styling (yes, it's all interconnected!)

You’re invited to ask questions related to my areas of expertise. Since these questions may feel vulnerable, you're welcome to send me a DM so that the question remains anonymous.

As a space holder, I’m here to support you with thoughtful, curious questions that invite deeper connection and growth. I encourage you to ask about the topics above.

If a question feels too personal, inappropriate, or outside of my scope, I’ll let you know. I reserve the right to decline to answer any question that does not align with the safe, supportive space I’m cultivating.

Sidebar: all of the questions that have come through so far are from men! I honor their curiosity and willingness to ask and receive.

Happy New Year, loves! As we step into 2025, what better time to look back before we look forwards.

What are you proud of from 2024? What are you celebrating?

I made a list of the best lessons from 2024, starting with this:
Integration is how we digest what we experience.

Here's to a prosperous and pleasure-filled 2025!

What if this weekend, instead of buying another thing you’ll probably never use, you invested in something that actually matters—your own pleasure and style?

I’m offering some extra sweet deals, so you can start reclaiming your body and your confidence. No more putting everyone else’s needs first—this is about you.

Everything is 20% off, with great bonuses through Monday, December 2 at 11:59pm.

Get the skinny at http://sarahward.co/black-friday

Since it's been a minute, allow me to re-introduce myself.

I'm a BIPOC female-led business owner and entrepreneur.

I'm on a mission to help women recover their pleasure, body sovereignty and personal style.

I've been a wardrobe stylist / image consultant since 2009.

I've been involved in embodiment work since 2001.

The body becomes a place of resistance: where we can decide what we wear, how we move through the world, who and how we love.

You can find more at my newly launched website, www.sarahward.co

In case you're wondering what the latest fashion trends are for this fall, I did the research so you didn't have to.

01 Wide leg pants
02 Long sheer skirts
03 Leopard print
04 Ankle boots
05 Bracelet watch
06 Trench coat

Even though something is in fashion doesn't mean that you have to wear it. Unless you want to. You get to be discerning! Is there a trend you want to try this fall?