Soaring Eagles

Soaring Eagles 🦅 43 – Beaumonts 35

A prime time 7.40 slot meant the boys had high hopes for securing a notch in the win column last night as many of the boys' bedtime was for another 80 minutes and meant they could come out with a bit more pep in their step. Unfortunately, numbers have been lower than Fudge’s sugar level after a 10km run and the reserves needed to be called in again. Returning from his stellar Seagle’s debut was man in the middle Corn and wings Luke and Kieran to supply some veteran leadership on the court and poker trivia off the court.

Versing the Blowmonts was always a tough match-up. The Blows liked to play a slow game and rely on the fundamentals of the game whereas classic Seag culture states that ‘one must howl like a fox on crack whenever a player hits a 3-pointer’. Fortunately, with over the team missing the boys came out with a renewed focus on defence and not howling every time they hit a 3-pointer and quickly jumped out to an early lead. Ferg and the glorious caterpillar that slept above his top lip helped push the pace and run the Blowmonts into an early retirement than Buffalo, who turned his ankle yet again and was once again rumoured to spend the night making more blackberry jam than come out to the game. Jimbo was ferocious running up and down the court and playing as if he had band practice at 8.30 to get to after the game. Fudge even broke out of his eternal slump and hit a 3! He also didn’t do much after that.

Entering the half, the Scoring Gods (Not JT) turned their gaze upon the boys in blue and gifted them 5 points for providing the only scorer for the match, something which had scorned them more times than Farrell’s poor car salesmen techniques. By the way, if anyone wants to purchase a pre-owned blue Mazda 3 with a window that doesn’t wind up, message the page to find out more.

The second half started with a bang, something not many of the Seags knew about. Corn blocked more shots than Fudge during his bartending days who would pretend not to hear customers and walk out the back to “change the post-mix” and avoid serving them at 2 am. Kieran was a menace on the defensive end and got his hands in all the pies, forcing the Blowmonts to call a couple of time outs to catch their breath and wonder where their hair had gone (Fudge too). Midway through the second half, the fellas switched to a box-and-1 defence and had Luke smother the Blowmonts only scorer, who failed to put another ball through the hoop and could only watch and complain to the umpires that “those young and more handsome blokes with massive muscles are just to good to be in A Grade”.

And that’s a direct quote.

Editor's note** The photo is from several weeks ago where Jarrad Basnec played and dropped 30 but there was no write-up so here.

Soaring Eagles 🦅 43 – Phonic Rummies 44

A nail biter in the Unley Oven on Tuesday night. Although the forecast promised a cool and crisp 24 degrees, it was a strong and sexual 69 degrees centigrade inside the oven with all doors locked for optimal COVID ventilation. Fudge was already sweating when he walked in, mostly because he was nervous about the idea of playing inside without Farrell to keep it safe. Luckily, star recruit Liam Cornish stepped up to the wicket and played some of the most inspired and quiet basketball you’ve ever seen from a Seag. He was swatting shots left, right and centre and was instrumental in reducing the Rummies big wooden block of a centre useless.

Other star recruit Seb Vozzo came out possessed by the spirit of Buffalo, who, rumour has it, has contemplated retirement since turning his ankle to open a blackberry jam shop in Hahndorf. 5 minutes into the first half, Vozzo got the boys into a man defence and they never looked back. Jimbo knocked a three, Vozzo got another and Dobba worked his magic and soon enough the boys were up more than Farrell’s bank account, who now earns so much money he actively tips Uber drivers (and not just a few cents).

Entering the half, the boys were up 17 and feeling more confident than Fudge investing in renewable energies. However, just like Fudge investing in renewable energies, the boys got a shock to start the second half as they watched their lead fizzle away. Vozzo, who played so well that Life Be In It management came over to warn the boys that he needed to be registered under his own name, not James Turner (Because they knew JT would never hit a 3), got a questionable unsportsman foul which lead to him being fouled off with 10 minutes to play and the Rummies took advantage of the 5 v 4 situation. Jimbo play hard, hard like a man who just the previous week had missed out on $1000 by half a Devin Booker point, but with the Seags being a man down it was tough to keep the offence afloat.

With under a minute to go, Dooba drilled a 3 in the face of one of the Rummies, and Fudge got a steal the next play to give the boys one last crack at success. With 8 seconds left off the inbound, Corn received the ball high and handed it back to Fudge who launched a highly contested and some might say irresponsible 3-pointers as time expired. Much like Fudge investing in renewable energies, it missed the mark by quite a bit and the boys had to head home wondering what lesson they would learn (if anything, it’s don’t invest in renewable energies just yet).

Game cancelled

The boys have been bum-rushed with positive tests (HIV for Turner, covid for everyone else). The referees of Life Be In It will sleep well tonight knowing they don't have to handle the pent up sexual hand holding energies of Fudgey post one week isolation with no Hannah.

See you fans next week.

Soaring Eagles 🦅 57 – Squeaks Squad 60

Unreal scenes at the Unley Oven last night – A working scoreboard, polished floors and a rare sighting of a lady wearing the Seags colours on the sidelines. With many of the boys still in COVID-69 isolation or stuck at band practice (Jimbo), the fellas were gifted by the return of Disco Dooba! Fresh off a relaxing getaway in Wallaroo and stealing $450 from the local pubs in broad daylight, the man came prepared to play (and pay on time!).

With only 5 to play the game, the fellas got off to a slow start as they ambled up and down the court. You wouldn’t have known it by looking at him but burdened by the pressure of seeing two different girls within the same week, Farrell helped get the boys on the board with some glorious inside work against the Squeaks big men. Slowly but surely, like Buff playing the long game at the pokies and betting 10c per line, things started to even out for the boys. Unfortunately, none of them seemed to realise that number 11 of the Squeaks had more game than JT back in his prime Fat Controller days, and much like JT in his prime Fat Controller days nailed 3 after 3 after.

Entering the half, the boys debated switching to man defence, but Fudge vehemently argued against it and cited his 8km run 5 hours earlier as his reason for jelly-legs. Down by 15, the boys were then thrown a 5-point penalty for not providing a scorer, despite many of the boys saying they’d prefer to play all game and get their fitness up.

The second half was messy to begin with. Every time the Seags got some points on the board, the Squeaks responded. As usual, Ferg barreled his way to the basket and managed to draw the game close. With just over 10 minutes left in the second half and things looking stickier than Fudge super gluing his fingers together the fellas switched up their defence tactics and boy oh boy you would’ve thought they’d been promised sponsorship from the The Edinburgh Hotel & Cellars with the way they came out.

As time trickled away, the boys rattled home a few more 3s to get within toe-sucking distance. You could smell the blood in the air, even when Buff copped an errant blow to the groin he kept the chatter alive on defence, but it was all too little too late. A Ballard 3 on the buzzer had the boys down by 3, but if you take away the 5 points from not bringing a scorer the Seags were really the winners. But that’s not how life works, so we lost.

At least there was an amazing sunset to look at on the way out.

Game cancelled

Sad news seag fans as this weeks game was called off. With half the squad testing positive for covid and Turner positive for covid of the groin this isn’t the shortest stick the boys could cop. Life Be In It cancelled the game after hearing the chaps had called up Ricko Gardner from the reserves, and calculating the extra 3 janitors required to mop up Fudge and Rick’s sweat on a 39-degree day would flatten the business.

Soaring Eagles 🦅 55 - Haemoglobin Trotters 51

Clutch win for the boys on Tuesday that came with a high price. Playing on the sh*tbox that is court 3 at Life Be In It, the boys strapped on their ice skates for the slippery conditions and made sure to pack their telescope so they could read the tiny, highly contrasted black on grey scoreboard. Pre-game, Ferg joked that one of the boys was going to seriously hurt themselves in these conditions - if only he knew.

After seemingly matching up against each other once every 4 weeks for the past 6 years, it didn’t take long for the spice factor to kick in between the two teams tonight. Jim got into some early back and forth with one of the Trotters bad boys, but Fudgey managed to cool things down quickly though by splashing one, two and then three straight triples on the Trotters ugly mugs. Nath directed traffic and found Farrell often in the short corner to lead the boys into the break up 8.

Alarm bells to start the second as the Seags gave up their 8 point lead quicker than a Brados chop circa 2018. Just like Brados, 3 straight shots had the Seags curled up in the foetal position begging for mercy. To add insult to injury, Turner landed on one of the Trotters feet after a lay-up attempt in which he barely left the ground. Upon landing, a crack was heard throughout the 5062 postcode and Turner hit the deck like a sack of potatoes. In an unprecedented moment for social sporting injuries, Turner was clapped off the court by the other team as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

The fellas gathered themselves and played some of the finest basketball of the season in the last 5 to eke out a 4 point win - one for each of the tendons in Turner’s ankle that will never work again. All were chuffed apart from Buff whose old man eyes had betrayed him and not being able to see the scoreboard thought they had lost!

The boys ventured to The Edinburgh Hotel & Cellars for a victory parmy where they waited for 2 hours for Nath to finish his meal. Some argue Nath may even be slower at eating than the posting of the match report these days.

Soaring Eagles 🦅 45 - Squeaks Squad 39

The boys managed to bring home the chocolates Tuesday night in potentially the warmest night on record in the Unley oven. Despite the 33 degree temperature on Tuesday, the boys rocked up to their graveyard 10.10 shift to find all the doors and windows closed to the oven, as life be in it staff sprung a surprise hot game sesh upon the fellas. As the ring of fire played over the speakers, staff informed the Seag’s that all doors and windows would be kept closed to keep a swarm of insects and pests out. This proved to be very effective as Turner sat the game out, in his place Jace Farrell brought pride and glory to the Farrell name
as he donned the baggy green for the first time.

The debutant not only brought some youthful energy to the side the boys haven’t had a lick of since 2016, but also sported a mullet so glorious it brought back memories of Shed’s 2020 cut. The boys put in shut down efforts all week long, Tuesday night via boxing out and good chatter, Wednesday- Friday night by doing their absolute all to induce another border closure so Matt Reade couldn’t leave the fellas for Victoria again. Nath’s jumper was wetter than a doorknob licked by Lakey and the boys relied upon him and Jimbo for some first half action.

The Farrell boys stood out like an alligator at a crocodile convention in the second half. Jumping passing lanes, hitting triples and sinking clutch FTs, the tandem would not let the boys lose. The boys played with the fire of the one armed man who beat Brados at tennis, only they had two arms! With that sort of drive and double handedness the Seag’s skeeted home, where a big bowl of W’s was waiting for their dinner.

Soaring Eagles 🦅 46- Beaumonts 51

Tough shake for the boys who copped one on the chin from the blowmonts Tuesday eve. As prodigal son Ferg stated postgame ‘We played a good 8/9’s fellas.’ Newly employed teacher Fudge made us all wonder what exactly he’s teaching the youth of today when he followed up with ‘Yeah, but what about the last 9th?’

Ferg was running off 2 hours sleep, Nath fuelled by a single caramello koala for his daily food intake and Jim 4 saxophones deep. As expected the boys started slower than the match report’s recent upload time. The Blowmonts played a textbook old man social ball game and picked apart the Seagle zone with interior passing as precise as Geue’s memory when it comes how many mls of beer he’s left in a backyard. The fellas played with a fire normally reserved for when one of the Reade boys is served gravy on-top of their schnitzel instead of by the side, and managed to go into the break up by the skin of their teeth.

Things got tense in the second half. The fellas tried to keep their nerve, you could see the focus in their eyes, and on their foreheads - all of them looking as sweaty as Fudge 3-4 business days after a 5k jog. The game was tight right up till the final 2 mins when the blowmonts managed to well and truely get under the Seag’s skin and they were called for a tech that cost them the game. The boys chance of winning plummeted to the likelihood of Sheddy developing a tan in the Caribbean, and they went home with the bitter taste of an L in their mouths.

TBD 75 - Soaring Eagles 🦅 39

After what can only be described as one of the worst spankings since circa 2017 Rys shed, the Seagles limped off the court faster than a bleating Mattner after a Dan Ryles hiding.

When 6.9 of the original Seagles were unavailable, Jimmy, Ferg and JT were forced to try and recruit what seemed like every, and any semi-retired social basketball player in the state, only to secure two extras in Sammy and Connor. With only 5 players against a solid team of 8, the seags were in a for a bumpier ride than a routine flight with Adam Lake.

The opposing team couldn’t miss and were off to a 13-0 run straight out of the gates. This continued as one of their players nailed more 3s than a bartending Haysman during peak GoGo’s era. The seags struggled for a bit longer before Jimmy and Ferg stepped up to hit some big shots and bring the seags into the game at the half.

The hot shooting streak from the opposing team continued early in the second, causing the seags hope of a W to diminish faster than Charlie’s hairline. Sammy came in with some silky smooth assists, banking a few big buckets while Connor muscled his way under the rim to get some clutch boards. Unfortunately, this wasn’t enough to bring the seags even remotely close to a W and the team was left feeling more disappointed than Rachel after a few to many beverages for the Buffalo.

After the confidence from last weeks 3 pointer (deep 2), it was later revealed that with all the bricks JT threw up during the game, Life Be In It could have finally built a new sport Centre with functioning scoreboards (must be nice).

Lost-a-Load 36 – Soaring Eagles 🦅 77

6.50 timeslot for the boys tonight and boy oh boy were they rattled. Buff was out with man-flu, Farrell was still out in fear of the rough play from last week and nobody has heard from Lakey since the Scoff and Hays shared a bottle of olive oil. Luckily, Mitch Kirkam was able to step up and offered the boys a big body on the inside to combat the team of 6’9 giants they played against.

The start of the game went about as well as Fudge finding himself leading the morning prayer during his first day teaching. It was a sloppy affair, but the Seags managed to do their best impression of JT on the dfloor when SA allows dancing again and bang a couple of 3s to hold a small lead. Ferg had come out of the game with his eyes on the MVP cup and quickly pushed the lead out to the double digits on the second-hand scoreboard at Life Be In It. A couple of sexy stepbacks from Jim and a few big moves inside from Kirk meant that before you could say ’69 jokes always have been and always will be funny’ the lead had doubled. Lost-a-Load looked like they’d lost half a step and some of their hair!

Entering the half, the boys were giddy at the prospect of cracking the elusive 69 points and despite some talk of not getting ahead of ourselves and staying focused, the second half started with the boys pulling out some moves that were as slick as Brados sneaking into the local pub on the weekend by telling the door girls he was with the band.

Pretty soon, the 3s started raining in, but not before Fudge got himself fouled out in back-to-back games and regained a small lead in the ‘Worst Team-Man’ award. JT even hoisted a 3! Except it turned out to be the world’s longest 2-pointer, leading the poor bloke to become so miserable that he decided to shave all of his hair off (still handsome though). Nath then put the nail in the coffin with a couple of gorgeous moves that left Lost-a-Load more speechless than the common man’s face when they learn that does a pint and parmy for $16 in the front bar every Tuesday night!

Phonic Rummies 40 – Soaring Eagles 🦅 30

Slow start for the boys tonight. After averaging a very sexual 69 points per game, the offence was soggier than Schoff’s keg after he revealed to the boys that he’d hit the dollar (100kg) and officially reclaimed the title of ‘Big Man’. There was a better chance of Ballard paying his match fee than the fellas putting the ball through the hoop as the Phonics executed a very boring and fundamental offence that left the boys more confused than the men whose ‘tight bums’ Brados compliments at the gym.

With the Melbourne Cup taking priority for many of the boys earlier in the day, there was real concern that leading handsome man Turner wouldn’t be able to suit up given his track record of early knock offs and finishing work at 2 pm on a Tuesday to work late (or head to Shobosho). With a full team yet again, the boys ran hard and fast and were able to get some points on the board behind some stellar shooting from Ferg and Jim. Fudge played some solid defence but looked to have locked in the ‘Most Likely to Airball a Three” award at the end of year gala as the offence continued to stop and start. Luckily, Nath came prepared to shoulder the offensive load and slithered his way to the basket a couple of times to keep the game close heading into the half.

With Farrell opting to sit out most of the second half because of some more aggressive horseplay and Fudge looking worse than his hungover 12km, Buff righted the ship and steadied the down. Like a conductor at a Gatorade Band Practice, he controlled the flow of the game as the fellas chipped away at the lead, only to have one of the Rummies drill multiple 3-pointers in a row to put the game away. Much like Reados blaming the lockdown on his inability to hold a conversation (he never could anyway), the fellas have no one here to blame but themselves. The only comfort the boys received that night was the image of a moustached Reados holding a Denzel Frothington and imagining themselves to be the glass in his chiselled palm.