Total EmPowerment

"The day began like most: I woke up feeling negative, cooked breakfast, and mentally ran through my day. After helping feed the kids, I watched my wife leave for work, resenting that she could go while I stayed home, juggling work, educating the kids through online resources they didn’t want to do, and managing contractors reshaping our backyard. I felt overwhelmed, struggling to keep my head above water. I resented that I didn’t enjoy my job or do anything to change it, though I knew it was important to have work during Covid. Yet it brought no peace. I hadn’t connected with my wife in months, (desperately wanted to) and had stopped doing anything that brought me joy, devoting my time to things I believed should make me happy —working, renovating the house, and ensuring my children’s happiness. None of it brought me joy, and a constant voice in my head reminded me of it.

"I spent the morning trying to keep the kids from fighting, irritated that they couldn’t just do their work and play nicely. I forced myself through work tasks that gave me no satisfaction, counting down the hours to lunchtime, my chance to escape briefly with a run.

"When lunchtime arrived, I put on my mask, laced up my shoes, and headed out, but I struggled almost immediately. The mask made breathing hard, fueling my frustration. My usual running track felt especially boring, and the pressure grew as my feet felt heavier with each step. After one kilometre, I stopped, ripping off my mask to breathe. “Quitter,” the voices taunted.

"I crouched down, my muscles tensing as pressure overwhelmed me. I let out a frustrated scream, then broke down sobbing, tears streaming uncontrollably.

"Finally, my logical brain kicked in, judging me. I realised I was at my wit’s end, utterly helpless and unable to keep going. I was desperately unhappy and needed help.

"Once I caught my breath and my tears stopped, I ignored the voices, gave up on my run, and slowly turned back home. I don’t want to be unhappy anymore, but I don’t know where to begin."

This was me at my lowest. Failing at life.
Failing as a husband.
Failing as a father.
Failing as a man.
Failing me.
Except I wasn't.

I believed I needed to do it all myself. That, to be a man, I was strong enough to go it alone. To take it all on. To keep going, even when it was hard.
And when I wasn't? I berated myself for being soft. I berated myself for being an incredibly intelligent dude and not having the answers for getting out of my 'funk', and that the only way to get out of it was to keep pushing through.

It's not the answer. You're not alone. Never.
Talk to someone.
Talk to your partner.
Talk to a friend.
Talk to me.

You are not alone.

Men, does ANY of this resonate?
I can help you. Reach out for further info.

I don't know if I've ever been more excited about an Instagram post than I have about this one.

Have you heard a metaphor about snowflakes and avalanches? This post and this picture are my snowflakes. All of a sudden, my work, and my actions feel right.
I mean FEEL right.
You know when something you do just feels right in your body?
- Like the peace you feel somatically when you make a decision that's kept you up at night?
- Or that feeling when you just KNOW you're connecting with someone?
- Or when you finally solve a problem you knew you could but it's been bugging you for days / weeks / months / years?
- Or that feeling when everything's coming together and sh*t.just.makes.sense?

That's this post and everything that follows it.
Then in the process of writing this post, I discovered Thomas's words, which feel as though they capture everything about both me as a coach and the lessons I help others to discover and understand.

"Every avalanche begins with the movement of a single snowflake, and my hope is to move a snowflake."

I can't wait to share with you. Stay tuned.

(Both the Snowflake Photo by Darius Cotoi and the Avalanche photo by Will Turner can be found on Unsplash.com)

I don't know if I've ever been more excited about an Instagram post than I have about this one. Have you heard a metaphor about snowflakes and avalanches? This post and this picture are my snowflakes. All of a sudden, my work, and my actions feel right. I mean FEEL right. You know when something you do just feels right in your body? Like the peace you feel somatically when you make a decision that's kept you up at night? Or that feeling when you just KNOW you're connecting with someone? Or when you finally solve a problem you knew you could but it's been bugging you for days / weeks / months / years? Or that feeling when everything's coming together and sh*t.just.makes.sense? That's this post and everything that follows it. And in the process of writing this post, I discovered Thomas's words which feel as though they capture everything about both me as a coach and the lessons I help others to discover and understand. "Every avalanche begins with the movement of a single snowflake, and my hope is to move a snowflake." I can't wait to share with you. Stay tuned. (Both the Snowflake Photo by Darius Cotoi and the Avalanche photo by Will Turner can be found on Unsplash.com)

Every 2 minutes women call the police asking for help.

Don't tolerate gendered violence.
Model how to love women.
Be better.

If you're looking for someone to talk to, contact me. Please. And, if not me, call or contact one of the resources below. We need to be better. We can make a difference today.

https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/
White Ribbon Australia is a global social movement working to stop men's violence against women. We strive for a society where all women and children are safe.

https://www.1800respect.org.au/
1800RESPECT is the national domestic, family and sexual violence counseling, information and support service.

Men. Speak up. Call out bad behaviour. Every 2 minutes women call the police asking for help. Don't tolerate gendered violence. Model how to love women. Be better. If you're looking for someone to talk to, contact me. Please. And, if not me, call or contact one of the resources below. We need to be better. We can make a difference today. https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/ White Ribbon Australia is a global social movement working to stop men's violence against women. We strive for a society where all women and children are safe. https://www.1800respect.org.au/ 1800RESPECT is the national domestic, family and sexual violence counselling, information and support service.

(Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash.com)

(Photo by Yosep Surahman on Unsplash.com)

Those stories you hear in your head on days like today?

THEY'RE NOT TRUE.
They're not.
You're the fu***ng BEST.

How do I know? Because I either know you or I was you, and I know legends, remarkable people.

You're one of them.

And I'm so fu***ng lucky to know you.
My life is so much better because of it.
Thank you.

(Photo by Josh Withers on Unsplash)

Those stories you hear in your head on days like today? THEY'RE NOT TRUE. They're not. You're the fu***ng BEST. How do I know? Because I either know you or I was you, and I know legends, remarkable people. You're one of them. And I'm so fu***ng lucky to know you. My life is so much better because of it. Thank you. (Photo by Josh Withers on Unsplash)

https://www.instagram.com/p/C467e7TP6-h/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Those stories you hear in your head on days like today? THEY'RE NOT TRUE. They're not. You're the fu***ng BEST. How do I know? Because I either know you or I was you, and I know legends, remarkable people. You're one of them. And I'm so fu***ng lucky to know you. My life is so much better because of it. Thank you. (Photo by Josh Withers on Unsplash)

(Photo by me!)

I've been fortunate to have Fridays off for just over 12 months now. Typically, I go for a 5km run which has always felt like a satisfying way to finish the week and an excellent excuse to say I'd 'earned' a Canadian Club. But recently, I have hurt myself physically while incorporating daily stretching and push-ups into my routine.

Normally, I'd just 'soldier on' and find a way to make it work for me. For the last 4 weeks I've walked the 5km instead of running it, telling myself a story about who I'd be if I simply let my body rest ("Push through it, you don't want to get fat, you like how you look").

This week I did a very 'un-manlike' thing (hear the language and story already?). Instead of pushing through it further, hoping it'll go away (dumb isn't it), I went to the doctor to get an ultrasound referral in the hope of having an answer to why (and how) I hurt, so I could work out how to mend and get back to where I used to be. But something in me today said that I should simply rest. No walking, no running, just rest. And so I did just that; the one thing I've been wanting to do for weeks but not allowing myself the opportunity to do so. I laid on the couch and read, watched a movie, and napped. On one hand, the nagging voice in my head tells me I 'should' be 'doing' something, while my body is telling me I need the rest and relax to 'be' better (see the subtle difference?). I quiet that inner voice for today and soon my body aches disappear. Today I chose to listen to my body and feel better as a result. Tomorrow may be different, but that's something I can deal with then.

When was the last time you truly listened to your body? What did it say and how did you hear (and help) it?

(Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash)

We often think that big, grandiose gestures are what's needed to make the most difference in our wellbeing. But often it's the small, little gestures we do for ourselves, regularly and repeatedly on a daily basis that lead to the change we're looking for. You know, the 'boring' stuff that doesn't get the recognition it deserves. Like:
- making your bed once you get up (You've achieved one thing today already),
- fuelling your body with healthy food (giving you clarity to perform at your best).
- Ignoring the negative self-talk.
- Recognising something is hard or 'boring' but doing it anyway (and finding starting makes it easier).
- Being grateful for what you have (filling your body and mind with Serotonin).

My small, self loving gesture? I told myself that the lies my brain were telling me to try and keep me safe ("It's hard, you don't need to do that. What if you screw it up?") were untrue.

What small, self-loving gestures have you done for yourself today?