The Busy Badge

Are you under or over acting?
once again got me thinking with a recent podcast on just this. Highly recommend you listen to that one for a heck load of good content.

Underacting 👉🏼 poor me, no one understands, thinking of problems and how crap they are.

Overacting 👉🏼 always moving the goal posts, insecure so must keep doing more more more.

I am definitely an underactor and overacter in different areas of my life.

I am a massive overacter when it comes to academics. Cue dux grade 8-12, undergrad... masters... and the PhD as the next logical step.

In contrast. When it comes to general house work and (cringe to admit this) as a partner I am a massive underactor. Example... It’s so hard to do the laundry when people just keep wearing clothes... and I “wish” he would just understand how hard studying is.

I’ve really taken a close look at this and am making adjustments- one at a time- to pull myself into an identity that is more even and sustainable.

How am I working on this personally?

Over-acting areas:
🧠 identity work (always!)
🧠 time blocking
🧠 exploring my beliefs
🧠 Include rest time where I don’t work or do study.

Under-acting areas:
🧠 getting out of my head and into my body/action more
🧠 making my intentions visible and showing up to them
🧠 speaking shame
🧠 having self compassion

This is quite personal, but I’d love for You to share in the comments whether you think you’re more of an under or over actor. Then... identity one thing you can do to bring yourself to take more action or less depending on your acting style! 👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼

This I am.

Wow, what a roller coaster the last month has been, and still to come is lots of madness. My upcoming PhD confirmation has been mixed in with buying and moving into a house- alongside the accumulation of many deadlines for marking student assignments and masters assessment.

The last month has really “tested” me, and the next month is going to continue to do just that. This little note that pops up on my phone everyday reminded me- I am doing my best. That is enough. A full, vulnerable effort. And what best looks like, fluctuates.

In doing my best I am reminded that I am one human. There is only so much I can do. Some things have to be put on hold or removed entirely.

Even though I have a lot to do, I can only ever work on one task at a time.
This is where prioritising and focus are so important. There is no point worrying about thing B when working on thing A. I can’t do both together. I must just focus on one task.

That one task doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be my best effort. Crippling high expectations REPEL me from taking action. Things really just need to get done to make them good.

This is my little reminder and I hope it speaks to those who might also be going through a busy time.

Self care is much deeper than face masks and bubble baths.

Self care is also about making decisions, rather than fatiguing yourself with decision debt.

It’s about doing the things you said you would, to build self trust- the most caring thing you can do for yourself!

Self care is about actively doing thought work and understanding the thoughts shaping your feelings and behaviours.

Self care is observing yourself rather than judging yourself.

And finally, self care is taking responsibility. Because with responsibility, you can change, grow, and adapt.

The last few days I’ve had a trip to overwhelm city. When I have tried to do my work, I’ve found my internal dialogue sounding the alarms 🚨 I’ve been getting distracted, feeling tired, unmotivated and lost.

I also know that I am not managing myself lately.

Working overtime has crept in and I’m not getting proper rest. Instead, I’m working at a sustained, sub-optimal pace- never taking a full break away from my work, yet never fully immersed in it.

I liken this to a one-rhythm heart rate. We know it isn’t healthy for our hearts to stay at the same rate for long periods. It’s GOOD for our hearts to have some short periods of increased beats per minute- provided they are followed by periods of rest and allowing your heart rate to come down.

The peaks are focus and effort directed to your work.

The troughs are complete recovery and detachment from work to explore and enjoy your life outside of a job or a degree (and sleep. Legit.)

So what am I doing to get out of this overwhelm cycle and this heart rate back to healthy?

⚡️I’m letting it be okay that I’m having a tough time right now. Compassion over criticism.

🧠 I’m approaching it with a growth mindset. Progress over perfection- I’m still making progress, even if it’s slower.

😴 Taking time off the table straight away to rest. Re-implementing boundaries and sticking to them no matter what, for me that is no work after 6pm.

📝 Brain dumping it all. Overwhelm comes from THOUGHTS. And boy are my thoughts overwhelming! Daily thought downloads and brain dumping my brains contents provide lots of relief.

🙋🏼‍♀️ Speaking up. I’ve let my supervisor know I need extra time or help where I needed it. This is brave, courageous but also the cure to self overwhelm.

Why do people 'beat themselves up'? 🤔⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Because they think it's going to help them change and achieve more. I've heard so many people attribute their success to their self-critical hate talk that motivates them to do a thing......."You're an absolute moron for procrastinating today. Stay back another hour to prove to me that you're actually worth something" 😳. There is this belief that if you're kind to yourself, you're going to go all soft and unable to do things. Thus, you've gotta get on the self-hate train, and kick yourself down the road till you're at the finish line 👊🏼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Let me tell you. It DOES NOT work 😬⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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If it did, why are STILL doing the exact thing you criticized yourself for? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Self-compassion is not letting yourself "off the hook". It's not removing responsibility for your actions or giving up. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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The only thing that self-compassion is going to do is make it EASIER for you to grow, expand, and carry on. It makes it easier to keep going and change our behaviour, so we can stop doing whatever we're taking ourselves to a boxing ring over and start showing up how we want to 🧠⚡️.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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No matter how much you think that self-hate has helped you- it really hasn't. You can achieve all of the things you're forcing yourself to do with self-compassion, while you get to love and look after yourself while you do it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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The place to start is with compassion- we can't start anywhere else but there. I work with my clients to understand why we procrastinate, have self-doubt, indulge in overwhelm, and I teach them that it is okay- their brain is doing what it is supposed to do. When we knock down that judgemental wall, we create space for brain renovations 🧠💡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I am now taking enquiries for coaching starting June onwards. Strictly limited to four spots. If you're criticizing yourself and it isn't working, reach out and see how coaching can help you.

How we experience emotions is created from the PATTERNS these feelings create in our brains and bodies. If you experience one pattern, you will activate a million brain cells, which will be different to the cells that light up when you feel something else. These patterns create different systems- and here are three of the main affect regulation systems we experience:
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✨Resource Seeking System: This system get's us going, the system that help's us take action towards our goals, seek out pleasure, and achieve things (food, recognition, etc).
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✨ Soothing System: This is the system that brings content when we are not feeling threatened or wanting. It is a feeling of inner peace, calm, and connectedness.
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✨ Threat and Protection System: This is a protection system that evolved to give us bursts of anxiety or anger, that ripples through our body and urges us to take some kind of action to protect ourselves.
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When we are stressed and overwhelmed, it is because our systems are out of whack- our incentive system and threat protection systems become out of balance with our soothing system. We spend our time being over-stimulated, feeling like we need to do more and be more- but cycling through flight, fight, and freeze as we try to self-protect.
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If you're feeling anxious or distressed, bringing our self-soothing system back online can help. Here are some strategies for this:
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💫 Practice kindness and compassion- to yourself and others
💫Come back into your body and focus on deep breathes
💫Think about the facts, rather than the assumptions (our brain likes to think it's thoughts are facts, but we are often subject to many biases)
💫Acknowledge your thoughts and validate your feelings- they are doing their job of keeping you safe
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Diagram adapted from The Compassionate Mind by Paul Gilbert pg 24.

Understanding that I can CHOOSE my thoughts was the first and biggest breakthrough I had in coaching.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I used to believe that things needed to be perfect for me to start, I needed to feel ready, and there was no point in trying unless I could do it perfectly. These beliefs served me because they kept me safe and comfortable- not taking action or being vulnerable!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Here are some of the thoughts that I use to help me take action (btw- I really had to work to get here. It took lots of thought work and action taking):⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ All I need to focus on is winning the moment in front of me: It isn't the whole mountain I need to climb, its just the first tiny hill. That's all I need to focus on in this moment.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ There is so much time in a day: I used to 'write-off' days if I wasn't productive before 10am. Even if it is 2pm and I finish work at 3pm, there is still SO MUCH time to make progress and keep working towards my goal.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨The difference between 0% and 1% are infinite: Doing something versus doing nothing is enough to initiate change; and we don't have to do everything (aka do it perfectly) to make progress. Just doing something to get 1% better can be enough!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨I only need to focus on the next thing: When indulging in overwhelm, we forget that the next step is the only thing we need to focus on. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ Big things are achieved in small chunks: You can see a pattern right! I don't need to tackle my entire thesis today- but my entire thesis will accumulate from small consistent chunks of action.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨I feel x (e.g. tired) and that is okay: Newsflash- we don't need to feel motivated or inspired to take action. Of course if you feel that way, that is a bonus. But we don't need to feel perfect or ready before taking action. And when we feel a certain way, we don't need to resist it- It really is OKAY to feel that way!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Which of these thoughts do you like the most? How can you implement just one of these into your life to take more action?

For all those new around here, I'm Katie. I love getting to know you all, so please drop a comment- where are you from, and what brought you to The Busy Badge?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Here are some things about me!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⚡️ I am left handed⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⚡️ I've got a degree in Psychological Science⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⚡️ I'm studying my Masters and PhD in Organisational Psychology⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⚡️I've got a tiny doggy () who is the light of my life!!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⚡️ I burnt myself out hardcore in 2018, resulting in over 6 months of physical and mental recovery. I struggled deeply with perfectionism, overwhelm, and overthinking when it came to my studies, my identity was completely wrapped up in achievement and academia, and held busy as a badge of honour⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⚡️I've learnt so much about perfectionism, overwhelm, and overthinking through my personal experience coupled with my personal growth and understanding in psychology⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⚡️I still 'achieve' lots, but I am showing up in a completely different way. I get more done, but am less busy. I have bigger responsibilities, but less overwhelm.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⚡️I help high achievers to overcome overwhelm and overthinking through coaching and tutoring here at The Busy Badge!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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So, your turn! Drop a comment below, I'd love to connect!

PSA 🤫

Let me let you in on a little secret...

If you want to ‘stay accountable’, you’re better off creating and working on building COMMITMENT than searching for something or someone to ‘keep you accountable.’

Commitment is taking ownership over your behaviours and decisions. The great thing about coaching is we work on creating commitment to a goal and really showing up- even when there is no sign we will succeed, even when we meet our first hurdle, and even when we don’t feel like it.

Accountability can feel like you’re being “made” to do it, which isn’t generating self trust or creating a new identity in line with the thing you want to do/person you want to be. Work on being committed fo your goal, and the only person you are accountable to is yourself 👸🏼

If you're trying to create a new habit but being hit with resistance, you might be making one of these mistakes 👇🏼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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⚡️ No identity to match the new habit: This is the number one reason people don't create or sustain new habits. If you have the belief and identify as a "procrastinator" then, the habit of getting things done ahead of time will always be met with resistance- we always act in accordance with who we believe we are. You need to work on the actions you're taking AND your self-image.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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⚡️ Beliving the new habit will be more painful: Even if you don't think this consciously, subconsciously, you might be associating more pain with creating the new habit (effortful, takes time, hard work) than the current habit (easy, automatic, not effortful). We are wired to move away from pain.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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⚡️Expecting it to be easy and effortless! I see this one a lot, for example, in coaching. It isn't meant to be easy and effortless all the time. When you're "un-learning", you're using up a lot of cognitive effort.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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⚡️ Wanting to see before you believe: "I'll believe it when I see it"- a phrase we say so commonly. If you are only going to believe you can create a new habit, when you can see the new habit, you'll never believe or see it. You need to believe it is possible FIRST.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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⚡️Waiting for the right time: This is pretty self-explanatory. There is no perfect time, we decide it is so.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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⚡️All or nothing thinking: One of the biggest cognitive errors we make as perfectionists. We are only willing to create a new habit if we follow through perfectly, 100% of the time- otherwise it is was a waste of time and effort. That isn't true! All there ever is messy, imperfect action- doing that consistently creates progress, which eventually becomes a habit.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Do any of these sound familiar to you when trying to create new habits? Let me know 👇🏼

👆🏼Here is what my client Ellie has to say after 3 months of working together.

I am so grateful for such amazing clients! I am fully booked for May and I am so excited to work with my new and continuing clients 💕

Whether you’re writing a blog post, assignment, thesis, or Instagram caption, here are three steps to help you write more effectively (better in less time) 🖋 👆🏼 @ Brisbane, Queensland, Australia