Evan Spargo Coach

We’re great at wanting things, but terrible at asking this question…

What are you willing to let go of to get it?

To add something in, you have to subtract something first. We do not have infinite capacity.

Next time you’re dreaming about what you want, ask what you’re willing to sacrifice for it.

Day 54/100

I’m someone who has a nasty habit of going into negative spirals of thinking and self berating.

After doing so much work on myself I couldnt understand why i kept falling into it, until i realised I was unconsciously gaining something from it.

E.g. It gave me an excuse to stop what I was doing and rest

It would be a way I would unconsciously seek compassion and love from others for them to see me suffer

it would be a perfect avoidance tactic so i could delay doing the hard thing...

When you take this approach of looking at all your unhealthy behaviours, and seeking the unconscious gain, this can completey change your behaviours.

Because once you discover the deep need you’re trying to fulfil through this behaviour and start giving it to yourself in a healthier way...

e.g. Giving myself permission to rest or consciously seek connection rather than wait until I spiral

Then your need to continue this unhealthy habit diminishes.

Day 53/100

Living in your head is a form of procrastination.

Overanalysing feels like self-awareness and progression, but really, it’s a way to avoid feeling, avoid acting, and to feel in control without actually changing anything.

I know this too well from experience, and it’s an unconscious habit that keeps me from stepping forward into the unknown.

Your mind thinks progress, but your life hasn’t moved.

Day 52/100

Are you grieving the fact that you’re ageing?

It’s something that quietly creeps up on us, and instead of naming it, we often blame everything external, our job, our relationships, our circumstances, without seeing what’s actually underneath.

Most of us only see the loss and negatives in it. What we used to be able to do, how we used to feel, who we used to be.

I’ve felt it myself, and I’ve seen it in the people I work with.

Once you acknowledge the grief, accept it and feel it, something shifts.

You’re allowed to grieve who you used to be, because it allows us to see the possibilities of who we can be in the next chapter of our lives.

Day 52/100

“Evan, slow down” My dad said it my whole childhood, and I finally get it.

Sick this week, losing things, haven’t trained, can’t concentrate, I’m a bit of a mess.

Turns out my body was forcing me to slow down to give me what I needed.

Day 51/100

The greatest gift you can give someone is to truly see them.

Truly seeing someone, their power and their blind spots, can genuinely change their life.

Certain people in my life who’ve done this for me, has helped me change mine.

If there’s someone in your life who may be struggling, tell them what you see. We all have a need to be truly seen, heard and understood.

Now that’s a gift worth giving.

Day 50/100

Whatever you judge, you don’t become.

If you’re trying to build a skill or trait, and you keep judging someone who fully embodies it, you’re unconsciously disowning it in yourself and repelling it.

Judging them is a way of telling yourself it’s not safe to be that.

Notice what you’re criticising in others.

Is it something you’re actually trying to develop, or something you’ve disowned in yourself?

Day 49/50

I’ve been mistaking speed for ambition.

Speed is how I avoid feeling what I don’t want to feel. The pressure to be more, do more, get out of where I am.

Move fast enough and you never have to sit with that pressure and discomfort.

But you also never get to ask if this is actually the life you want, experience the life you’ve created already and enjoy the richness that everyday moments bring.

Are you speeding through life? If so, what are you avoiding feeling?

Day 48/100

You don’t go from zero to elite in one jump.

Most people never start, because they expect themselves to be masterful straight away.

Speaking, confidence, whatever it is, they picture the elite version and think that’s the leap they’ve got to make.

But that’s not how it works. With anything you’re building, you need to start small and accept you’re not going to be at the level you want right away, and might even feel cringe. That’s a part of the process.

Build little habits, little wins, and momentum develops. Over time it compounds into the level you’re actually going for.

Day 47/100

When you’re going through it, don’t trust the voice in your head.

It’s survival mode, blame everyone else, isolate, push people away, be the victim, even abuse yourself.

That’s not who you truly are, it’s a mechanism trying to keep you safe.

Notice it, understand its nature, separate yourself from it, refuse to believe it, and let it pass.

Once the emotion clears, logic comes back, and you’ll realize how absurd that voice can get.

Day 46/100