04/08/2025
💔 MODERN LOVE ~ RELATING IS F*CK*D 💔
(And Not in a Good Way) words by Zen Prem.
Read till the end …
I’ve been chatting with my kids again.
He’s 25. She’s 33. Both single.
Loving hearts. Old souls. Still believe in real love, which basically makes them unicorns in yoga pants these days.
We’ve been dissecting the absolute s**tshow that is modern dating.
Apparently, it’s not a boyfriend or girlfriend anymore, it’s a “casual connection. A situationship . A low-key vibe. An “energetic alignment” with someone you send memes to and maybe raw-dog on a Thursday, if Mercury isn’t in retrograde and your inner child isn’t triggered.
You don’t date anymore. You orbit each other’s nervous systems, lingering near closeness until one of you gets spooked and spirals into a six-week “self-growth journey” full of cacao ceremonies and carousel posts about boundaries.
Modern relating isn’t about love. It’s about not being the first to care.
“I love you” has become “haha that’s crazy.”
“I’m scared” has become “lol I’m chill tho.”
And when s**t gets real? You don’t talk. You “take space.” Which is modern speak for: Ghost them gently and hope they forget they ever mattered.
We’ve turned dating into a passive-aggressive Olympics where the gold medal goes to the most emotionally avoidant who can still microdose presence on someone’s stories while dying a little inside.
It’s not called commitment anymore, it’s now codependency…. don’t call it abandonment, … call it boundaries. … don’t call it love, … call it a trauma bond and do a TikTok dance about it in wide-legged linen pants.
Even the apps sound exhausted. Hinge. Bumble. Feeld. … Might as well be called: Maybe. Meh. Mistake.
People out there chasing “divine union” but can’t commit to a fu***ng coffee without rescheduling three times because their “vibe was off.”
Then there’s the Bonny Blue and Andrew Tate effect.
Bonny got famous for fu***ng a thousand men in a day and called it empowerment. Tate made millions teaching men how to treat women like dopamine dispensers.
This is what’s selling now. This is what’s being fed to young hearts.
And honestly? … At least the s*x god rockstars of my generation were fu**ed up in interesting ways.
They burned through love with chaos and poetry. They wrote songs about heartbreak They overdosed on passion. ( ok … and drugs) They loved big and broke loud.
Now? … We get newsletters about “staying unbothered” and influencers whispering detachment into ring lights while selling $997 courses on how not to give a f**k.
I’m a child of the sixties. Our s*x drive was guided by rock ‘n’ roll, not retweets. We didn’t need “energetic alignment” to f**k. We needed Bowie, a leather jacket, and one questionable idea.
Love wasn’t content, it was chaos and connection.
And don’t get me started on the Ta**ra theatre performances . Whole festivals of people eye-gazing around their wounds, wearing fu***ng costume masks, moaning in workshops, whispering “Beloved” on Sunday evening in temple space and ghosting you by Tuesday.
All performance , no presence.
Don’t get me wrong, real Ta**ra’s powerful.
But what we’re seeing now? It’s just cosplay. … Spiritual theatre with a soundtrack. You can’t f**k your way into enlightenment if you still disappear when someone cries at 3 a.m.
Real love starts after the act, when your nervous system is fried, when someone’s fu**ed up, messy and ashamed, and you stay anyway.
Now you ask someone what they want, and they give you a 20-minute TED Talk on nervous system dysregulation and “not being available for anything serious.” … Translation:… They want to use your soul as a therapist and your body like a slot machine with zero emotional accountability when it gets real.
So yes, I’ve been talking with my kids, watching them try to love in a world obsessed with detachment, fake filters, and vibes.
And I’ve got one question:
What the actual f**k did we leave them with?…
This generation isn’t broken. They’re just starving.
Starving for truth. Authenticity, For depth. For connection that can survive a hard night.
I grew with Leonard Cohen and poetry,
and now it’s Tinder and a fear of being the first to double-text.
So what advice can I give my kids ?
Stop idolising people who package disconnection as strength.
Stop following influencers who brand trauma and sell detachment as confidence.
Stop calling dysfunction “just how dating is now.”
And start choosing the ones who show up. Who say “I care” and mean it. Who don’t need a full moon and a fu***ng playlist to apologise.
Choose the ones who stay when you’re falling apart. Who see you without needing you to perform.
Who don’t need to win, just want to witness.
That’s how we find love again. Not the swipeable kind. Not the performance. But the kind that stays. That sees. That survives the storm.
Because love? … Love never stopped being real. We just stopped recognising it beneath all the noise.
And now? …. We get to remember.
So here’s the truth, kids, write this down:
You don’t find real love by performing better. You find it by showing the parts of yourself you used to hide. It’s not about regulating your nervous system. It’s about letting someone hold you when it’s shot to hell. It’s not about being “chill.” It’s about being honest, even when your voice shakes. Stop trying to become someone lovable. Start telling the truth about who you are. Be Fkn Authentic
Because real love?… It doesn’t want your fake fu***ng filters. It doesn’t need a brand.
It just needs you … Real raw … It wants your soul. And it will never ask you to disappear to be worthy of being seen.
Fully. Flawed. Unperforming.
- Zen Prem
…
This is powerful stuff, and something most of the younger generation have lost.
I went to a friends party the other weekend and the people there were mostly in their 20s and most of the interactions I witnessed between the guys and girls made me realise how clueless they are around how to connect, how to be intimate.
How much living in a world of iPhones and social media has changed everything.
It’s all become so performative in such a fake way.
People have to worry about getting to drunk and doing something stupid way more because there’s a good chance it will be filmed and shared with everyone.
This doesn’t allow the young ones to make the mistakes they need to to really get to know themselves.
This is why I am so passionate about working with young men. Giving them a safe space to ask the questions they are burning to find answers to and give them practical tips and sets to navigate the world of women and dating.
Want to work with me? Follow the link in my bio 😊