20/09/2026
🏆 Kalkite Kup 2026 — The Final Table That Defied Physics, Logic, and Emotional Stability
The Lineup of Legends (and Victims) – The Top 9
Heather Sutter,by Mitch Hynes, Michael Woolley, John Cordingly, Lucas Rixon, John Stannard, Shaun Price, Mitch Newman, and Jason Lambert — a table so stacked with personalities it needed hazard tape.
Opening Chaos: The Gravity Event
Heather “Let’s Call Her Gravity” Sutterby arrived with a chip stack so large it briefly altered the tides on Lake Jindabyne. When she placed it on the table, several players instinctively braced for impact. The table survived — barely.
Early Eliminations: The Newman Collision
Michael Woolley was the first casualty, bumped out by Michael Newman, who was clearly in “I’m taking souvenirs” mode.
Shaun Price followed shortly after missing out against Mitch Hynes, who at this stage was still blissfully unaware he wouldn’t see an Ace again for several geological epochs.
Gravity vs Newman: The Galactic Tussle
Heather’s galaxy sized stack met Newman’s relentless aggression. Chips flew. Space time bent. Newman managed to carve off a slice of her cosmic mass, proving that even gravity can be overcome with enough stubbornness.
Lucas Rixon then bravely risked his chips against Newman and was promptly escorted from the tournament, probably wondering why he bothered.
The Bubble & The Most Prestigious 6th Place Prize in Kup History
With the bubble looming, the table stabilised — mostly because everyone was terrified of Heather’s stack sliding across the felt again.
This year’s 6th place envelope was a masterpiece:
• Gambling help booklet
• “How to play Keno” pamphlets
• A pristine, empty Keno numbers form ready for dreams and disappointment
John Stannard claimed this treasure and is likely right now circling numbers with the intensity of a man who believes destiny is real.
Top 5: The Rhythm of Destruction
With Stannard gone, the top 5 settled in:
• Newman kept chipping away at Heather’s now merely Olympic sized stack.
• John Cordingly began turning his microscopic stack into a monster, mostly by repeatedly mugging Newman for chips.
Eventually, Heather succumbed to the assault, bowing out in 5th place for $425, leaving behind only gravitational memories, dreams of male anatomy and the slight smell of gummies and Allens snakes.
Top 3: The Cordingly Chip Explosion
Then came the moment of generosity: Mitch Newman decided John Cordingly was actually a good bloke and donated his remaining chips to him. Suddenly John had more chips than he had ever seen in his life — possibly more than he believed existed.
The top 3 was decided:
• John Cordingly — chip leader and newly crowned lord of the felt
• Mitch Hynes — still Ace less
• Jason Lambert — quietly plotting
The Hand That Mortally Wounded a Giant
John shoved Queen Ten offsuit into Jason’s big blind. Jason called with Ace Six offsuit.
The flop: Ace, Six, Six. John’s stack didn’t just shrink — it evaporated. Mitch finished him off over a few hands, leaving the final two with near even stacks.
The 75 Minute Duel of Blinds, Pain, and Regret
With Jono dealing, the game became a hypnotic back and forth of blinds, big blinds, and emotional damage. Mitch would build a stack, lose it, rebuild it, lose it again — like a man stuck in a poker-themed Groundhog Day.
After 45 minutes, a handshake deal split the cash, but the Kup rights remained on the line.
Another 30 minutes of torture followed.
The Final Hand: Mitch Sees an Ace (Finally)
Mitch looked down and saw an Ace with a kicker — the first Ace he’d seen in days. He shoved instantly, probably out of shock.
Jason called with King Ten offsuit.
The flop delivered a shiny King, and with that, Jason Lambert claimed his third Kalkite Kup.
Closing Thanks
To everyone who played: Your chaos, camaraderie, questionable decisions, heroic bluffs, and gravitational anomalies made the night unforgettable. We can’t wait to see you all again next year for the next Kalkite Kup.
