Nicole Koelewijn Relationship Coach

This statistic is based on research by The Gottman Institute.

It's crazy how much we will tolerate before seeking help when it comes to relationships.

What if instead of persevering through unhappiness for years we sought help along the way when we hit a rough patch? Or when we're going through big transitions like becoming parents, blending families, moving countries together, starting a new working arrangement etc?

If we can aim for small amounts of effort and intentional connection often, isn't that better than seeking help when you're at the end of your tether after years of potentially built up resentment and misalignment?

I work with clients who want to do just that.

I'm currently taking some time off after having a baby however if you'd like to go on the waiting list for couples coaching, pop your details down at the link in my bio or click on the link below and I'll reach out once I'm back in action!

https://rb.gy/aie4l4

Never thought about what your values are as a couple?

A couples coaching series where you explore this and other areas of your partnership including how you like to connect, your personal conflict dynamic as well as how to get clear on and support each other's dreams and aspirations might be game changing for you!

You can read more here 👇

https://www.nicolekoelewijncoach.com/coachingforlifesseasons

How to spot the elusive repair attempt...

Sometimes we're so flooded with emotion that we can't see the little white flag being extended by our partner.

Have you been guilty of missing or dismissing some of these before? I know I certainly have.

Head to my bio or click on the link below to check out my blog post on how to repair conflict with your partner like a pro if you missed it.

https://www.nicolekoelewijncoach.com/blog/howtorepairafterafight

Think back to your last argument with your partner (as fun as that is...).

What were your expectations of how they should have behaved either in the situation that caused the conflict or in the fight itself?

Did your partner know about these or did you just assume they did or expect that they should inherently know?

Don't set your partner up to fail!

If there's something that's really important to you, it's worth taking the time to communicate your expectations around this. Not as a mandate but as a way to start the conversation and gently put your expectations out on the table. It'll make for a much more constructive conversation and outcome compared to doing this once you feel let down and emotions are running high mid-fight!

Do you know your default conflict management style?

Take the quiz at the link below to find out...

https://rb.gy/jpbk5j

You'll also walk away with some tips for how to know when you're using this style, some handy reflection questions for you to ask yourself when you're in the throes of conflict and some conversation starters specific to your style that may be handy for opening up tough conversations. 🤍

He's here!

Introducing Baby Finn. 💙

We're all smitten and sleep deprived and looking forward to some time together as a family with our newest member.

If you're interested in keeping in touch about relationship coaching options for when I'm back in action, you can click on the link below and I'll be in touch.

https://rb.gy/aie4l4

Check out my article in The Natural Parent Magazine 🤍

https://thenaturalparentmagazine.com/how-your-family-benefits-when-you-prioritise-your-relationship-how-to-do-this/

How are you doing with this?

Some prompts you may like to use to check in on your next date night:

🤍 What do you feel we're doing really well as a couple at the moment?
🤍 What are some ways you think we're working really well as a team?
🤍 What have I done lately that's made you feel really loved?
🤍 What have I done lately that you've really appreciated or that has helped you out in some way?

Take turns asking each other these to get the warm fuzzies going! No greater aphrodisiac like hearing about the things your partner's appreciating and loving. 😄

You may also like to pop over to my bio or to the link below to download a copy of my “10 minute connection rituals for busy couples” for some inspiration on how to keep connection alive on the daily.

https://rb.gy/ww4j2u

Not long now until our little family of four will become five (or six if you include Springer Spaniels).

Crazy to think this photo is now a couple years old and we're about to hit the reset button with a new baby but here goes!

As I'm taking some time off to be with our newest family member and figure out how life with an extra child works, I won't be taking clients until 2024.

If you're interested in working together, you can sign up to the waiting list in my bio or at the link below if you'd like to be notified when I'm back in action.

https://rb.gy/aie4l4

Until then, I'll still be present on here every now and then and will be responding to emails intermittently if you have a specific question. 🤍

A quick re-introduction for some new faces around here!

Hi! I'm Nicole, a Perth based relationship coach supporting people to get the most out of their relationships.

Whether you're feeling stuck in repetitive conflict cycles or simply wanting to align on what you want your partnership and life together to look like, coaching can help you get intentional about how to move forward together as a team.

I have a background in coaching, mediation and counselling which I bring to provide a framework for couples to have important conversations that can be difficult to have in the course of everyday life for a multitude of reasons.

From a personal perspective, some fun facts about me are:
🤍 I worked in an Animal Conservation Centre in the Amazon for a month in my early 20's (and got EATEN ALIVE by mosquitoes).
🤍 I was (ok, *am) a huge Harry Potter fan.
🤍 I once won a Sydney Olympic Swimming Barbie in a cereal box which was a life affirming thing to happen to my 10 year old self.

Oh and I'm also 32 weeks pregnant with my third child. And yes I'm appropriately excited and terrified for what life with three will bring!

I'm unable to take any new clients until I'm back from maternity leave towards the end of the year but if you're interested in working together, pop into my links and join the waitlist for coaching to hear when I'm back in action!

OK so you've had a fight with your partner.

Not to make you feel un-special here, but disagreements with our partners when we're in long term meaningful relationships, are a bit of a given…

What is less common are couples who can repair like pros.

For these couples, an argument is not a catastrophe. They can find their way back to each other quickly and respectfully, preserving more relationship goodwill than couples who struggle with making peace after a storm.

So what are these pros doing that makes them different?

Read the full blog post at the link below or by clicking on the link in my bio 🤍

www.nicolekoelewijncoach.com/blog/howtorepairafterafight

I love these Emotion or Feelings wheels.

The idea is they help us find more nuanced words to describe the emotion we're feeling.

Not only can this help with our internal processing of the emotion but can also be valuable when communicating what you're going through to your partner.

For example, “I'm feeling frustrated” is more useful for someone else to work with than “I'm feeling angry”. Just by getting a bit more granular with the description of the emotion, you're able to cut out some assumptions the other person may be making by receiving a vaguer emotion.

You can even buy keychains with these on them for those super keen to identify what's happening internally on the go! 😆

If only this wasn't so relatable...

If you and your partner currently feel like passing ships in the night, click on the link below to download your free copy of my “10 Minute Connection Rituals for Busy Couples” 🤍

https://rb.gy/ww4j2u