Port Neill Golf Club

14/09/2026

A fantastic day to close our 2026 Season . Congratulations to all award winners .

Our AGM is on the 21st October ( Port Neill Hotel ). All welcome .

14/09/2026

PLEASE NOTE CHANGE OF DATE

14/09/2026

Well it’s time to say
“So long Pardner” to our Sheriff.

The 15th of September greeted the eager, enthusiastic and slightly weary golfers (D Pollard) to the new par 3 tee boxes.

The Sheriff was concerned about the shorter course because he can normally book Chris (Tractor) Prime for out of bounds on the 4th. Crispy decided there was no way he was going to hold onto his $ and avoid a fine. His first strike of the day saw an horrendous snap hook head for the 8th scrape, which is approximately 51 degrees left of his balls intended destination.

Ian (Nobby) Noble was fined for topping one into the creek scrub on 6, then being surrounded by invisible death adders and brown snakes as he furiously slammed his club into the tee boxes to protect himself. Poor Nobby copped a double fine on the day for hitting the wrong ball, if you’re going to play someone else’s ball Nobby, don’t shoot the Sheriff’s!

Mark (Butch) Pfitzner was fined for incorrectly reporting on this year’s Beinke Cup winners score in last week’s write up, robbing him of 11 points, reporting 13 points instead of 24. Dave Pollard insisted this fine was enforced.

Vicky (Woolly) Devries made her first appearance to competition golf and she certainly caught the sheriff’s eye. After Leanne (Lady) Pollard had provided a perfect scrape for them both to use, Woolly putted out. She then decided due to a complete lack of etiquette knowledge to celebrate by walking directly along the perfectly manicured scrape to collect her ball, forcing Leanne to redo the surface and complete the hole.

Evan (M**f) Hunt, the A grade champion found himself in the book after finding trouble off the tee on 17. Finding himself in strife amongst bushes with a lie that was even more unfavourable for a lefty, saw his attempt to get out end up with the ball coming to rest on top of his shoe.

The Sheriff can finally put his gun in his holster, send his badge to the polisher and retire to the saloon.
Thank you committee, supporters and members for a great season. To those who were awarded life membership, Jarrod Prime, Ed Hunt and Andrew Bates, congratulations, I dips me lid.

13/09/2026

Congratulation to our newest Life Members. Your dedication to the Golf Club is appreciated.

L-R. Andrew Bates, Ed Hunt, Jarrod Prime

13/09/2026

07/09/2026

The Sheriff is relentless!!!!

The glorious, sunny 6th of September had the Port Neill golfers enthusiastic and ready to take on the course.
Unfortunately for Abe, after celebrating the Ports A and C grade netball premierships too vigorously, he was on the Sheriff’s fine list before teeing off on the 1st, for being a late arrival. Abe was also fined for “accidentally”farting in Leanne Pollards backswing on the Port Neill gardening and maintenance services, hole 4.

Poor Kevin Nicholls copped a fine for declaring the sheriff out of order for not wearing his badge. The ex postie who always delivered was mistaken, but still delivered his $ to the fines pot.

Lady Pollard managed a 100% improvement on her last stableford score and the sheriff dipped his lid. Unfortunately for Leanne, she simply had to be fined for 6 putting the 14th scrape.

Jiggy Prime was issued his fine for attempting to run Dave Pollard over with his remote controlled buggy.

Andrew Liddicoat caught the sheriff’s eye and was fined for impersonating an Olympic hammer thrower with his frustrated club discharge on the 6th hole, narrowly missing the innocent SOB (son of butch) who was stood behind him.

The final sheriff fine of the day went to D Pollard for a non-reported incident a week prior. The left handed Beinke cup champion toed one 90 degrees sideways, a ball destined for the scrub, but it rebounded off his buggy and found the middle of the fairway. Apparently Dave is now engineering 3x3 Perspex shield to mount to the side of his equipment.

07/09/2026

Port Neill Golf must be close
to heaven.

The gods turned on the weather again, but the devil turned up if you found yourself off the fairway.
A dozen went to work with wand or axe to reach a result. Mark Pfitzner mostly just a bridesmaid of late, made it to the winner stand with a 38 Stableford score.
Trent Bates 33
Abe DeVries 32
Lewis Pfitzner and Steve Davidson 30
Andrew Liddicoat 26
Kevin Nicholls 25
Ian Noble 18
Dave Pollard 13 ( is understandable as we know he only rises to the occasion)
Back this theory he won the nearest to the pin.

Kevin Nicholls walked the course in a beam of light ( coming from you know where ) He had a perfect front nine in the putting completion and finished with 23 putts. Leanne Pollard doubled her Stableford points from last week. But once again the sheriff punished her minor errors, highlighting and airy with the putter then 5 addition putts on a single hole .
The sheriff fined himself for the 5 “P’s” his own high standards ( poor preparation produces poor performance ). He was late.
Most sheriffs have been crooks at some stage, he set a trap by not displaying his badge, it was hidden on the back of his hat . Kevin Nicholls fell for the trap and was fined accordingly. Andrew Liddicoat fell into disgrace by throwing a club , by the time the sheriff processed the evidence it was a 25 m discharge ( in cross
examination only a few metres) The fine stood.

Next week is our presentation day, Names in by 10.30. Playing our new Orange markers for a Par 3 ( designed for junior golfers)
Pack a lunchbox with tea to follow.

04/09/2026

Good luck to all the Ports teams playing today