Insightful Conversations and Coaching

Why do I have to be the one to change?

This question can come up when you are doing the inner work
to ground yourself, connect to yourself, and build self-trust.

Why do I have to change?
Why do I have to be the one to pause, reflect, regulate, rebuild, or respond differently?
Why do I have to do all this work on top of everything else?

And honestly, that question makes sense.
It can feel unfair.
Frustrating.
Exhausting.
Like one more burden is added on top of everything.

This is not about assigning responsibility to others.
And it is not about minimising what happened.

It is about what is within your circle of influence and control.
It is about what can help you move forward in a way that serves you.
Toward a life that feels safer, more grounded,
and built on choice instead of old patterns or fear.

What do you truly have influence or control over?

Can you control what others think or how they respond?
No.
Can you control what you think or how you respond?
Maybe not always.
But increasingly, yes.

You can begin to choose how much power
those situations continue to have over you.

How you respond.
What boundaries you set.
What you choose to no longer carry in the same way.
How you support yourself.

And no, that does not make it easy.
And it does not make it any fairer.

But it gives you a place to begin that belongs to you.
To take your voice back.
To come home to yourself.

Because your life, your energy, your voice, and your future matter.

Let me know in the comments what does “Coming home to yourself” mean to you?

Staying grounded does not mean accepting bad behaviour.

Sometimes, when you have done enough inner work to pause, steady yourself, or respond with more intent, it can bring up confusion and questions:

If I don’t react, explain, defend, or show how much this affected me, does that mean I am accepting it?

No.

Staying grounded does not mean that you accept what was and might still be happening

It does not mean you are excusing it, minimising it, or taking responsibility for something that was not yours to carry.

You are moving on from reacting automatically
to responding from a different place.

A place that asks:
“What response protects me best here?”
“What helps me stay connected to myself?”
“What reduces the cost to my energy, my clarity, and my wellbeing?”
“What allows me to respond with intent, instead of being pulled into the same painful pattern again?”

Reacting from hurt, anger, fear, or shock is completely understandable.

But it often comes at a cost.
And that cost is usually carried mainly by you.

Staying grounded is not about letting someone off the hook.
It is about taking yourself off the hook

Its about connecting with yourself.
Prioritising yourself,
your wellbeing, your energy, your sense of self
and respecting yourself.

Share if you have ever struggled with this question.

You are changing, but the world around you may not

So, when you start changing, the world around you
does not automatically change with you.

You may be clear about what matters to you.
Clear about what you no longer want to accept.
Clear about the role you no longer want to play.

But the people around you
may still expect the version of you they are used to.

You who says yes.
You who keeps the peace.
You who explains everything.
You who adjusts to everything.
You who gets along.
The one who carries what others do not want to carry.

Or they may expect you to fulfill a role in a way that no longer feels true to you.
Wife.
Mother.
Daughter.
Friend.
Colleague.

And when your change does not fit their expectations,
there may be tension.

That can feel challenging.
It might even feel intimidating.

And it can make you doubt your decision.

In that moment, it can help to come back to
why this change mattered in the first place.

Why did I choose this change?
Which values did it align with?
What is one way I can stay connected to
this choice and to myself in this moment?

Because change can take time to adjust to.
For you.
And for the people around you.

That is why staying connected to your decision
and yourself matters,
especially when others are still responding
to the version of you they are used to.

Comment GREEN if you want to hear more.

Maybe you are not lost, but in transition?

Life changes.

Relationships change.
Family set-ups change.
Roles shift.
A new career direction.
Moving home or country.
Breaking free from something that no longer fits.

And sometimes change is not something you chose at all.
Redundancy.
Illness.
Loss.
Something disrupts the life you thought you were living.

You might be someone who is used to
pulling things together and getting on with it.

So you may expect that this is how the transition will go as well.
Make the plan.
Take the steps.
Keep moving.

But sometimes, things do not go that smoothly.

Even when change is intended,
you rarely have everything figured out beforehand.

And somewhere in the middle, you realise:
I cannot go back to how life was before.
But I am not really sure what the future looks like yet.

And that can feel like being stuck in limbo.

That is where transition can start to feel heavy.

You may feel overwhelmed by decisions.
You may run out of motivation.
You may have forgotten why you started.
Or the immediate reason for the change may have passed,
but things still do not feel settled.

It can feel like you are stuck in the middle.
And the middle can be uncomfortable.
Uncertain.
Frustrating.
Unsteady.
Sometimes even like quicksand.

But maybe you are not lost.
Maybe this is the messy middle part of transition.
And when you hit that part,
you do not need to have the whole path worked out.

Sometimes the next step is to come back to direction.

If this was a change you chose, you might ask:
What was my original why?
What mattered enough for me to begin this change?

And if this was a change you did not choose, you might ask:
What is one small step I can take that aligns with my values now?
Not the whole plan.
Not the final answer.

Just one step that helps you move out of limbo forward.

Transition can at times feel like being lost.
Because you are standing between what was
and what is still taking shape.

Comment GREEN if you want to hear more.

Q&A with Susanne
Today we covered
-) If a coach does not tell you what to do, what do they actually do?
-) How do I choose the right coach? See less

Who are you?

At some point in life, many people ask themselves:
“Who am I?”

And that question can become louder during or after significant change.
A change in relationship.
A change in work.
A loss or a new beginning.
Breaking free from something that no longer fits.

And sometimes the question is not easy to answer.

Because up to today, you have already collected so many experiences.
Everyday moments.
Family dynamics.
Friendships.
Relationships.
Workplaces.
Choices you made.
Choices you could not make.
Moments you enjoyed.
Moments you barely remember.
Moments that shaped you deeply.
And some experiences may still echo through you.

Today, you may show different versions of yourself depending on the role, the situation, and how safe or comfortable you feel.

The version that holds everything together and keeps going.
The professional one.
The strong one.
The empathetic and caring one.
And a mixture of all of them at the same time

And after a while, you might wonder:
“Who am I actually?”

You are shaped by your experiences.

But you are not defined by your past.

What happened matters.
It matters who you became.

The ways you adapted, coped, performed, held things together, or had to protect yourself matter.

But that is not the whole of who you are.

The question is not only: who did you have to become?
The more important question is: who are you becoming now?

What still feels true?
What no longer fits?
What do you want to connect with, strengthen, or express more fully now?

Your past is part of your story.
But it does not have to be the whole story.

You can choose what matters now and move closer to a life that feels true to you.

Comment GREEN if you want to hear more about connecting with yourself.

What happens to you when life changes?

Changes in your life are a natural part of living.
Some are a natural part of growing up and getting older

Some you look forward to and welcome
and they bring you joy.
For a moment, a season or a lifetime.

But there are also changes you didn’t welcome
or didn’t have a say in them

And those changes bring unfamiliarity, uncertainty,
pain and sometimes also suffering.
Some are easier to overcome
and others are still echoing through you.

When life changes you might find yourself standing at crossroads.
Wondering which way to go,
it might feel like you need to make a decision of choosing
what do I keep, what do I leave behind and what do I build up from scratch?
Like moving into a new empty home.

It can feel unfamiliar.
Exposed.
Unsettled.

But it can also hold possibility
and you might be cautiously curios,
or even feel a small sense of relief,

And wondering of what could be different now.
Especially if the change means you are no longer living in the same old pattern.
No longer carrying the same role in the same way.
No longer trying to fit into something that had stopped feeling like you.

At the same time, you might also be grieving parts that you had to leave behind.

You may find yourself holding many different thoughts and feelings all at once, which can feel confusing at times.

And you might be quietly wondering:
Maybe something different can be created here.
Not because everything is suddenly okay.
Not because the change did not matter.

But because somewhere in that space,
new questions can begin to emerge:

What still belongs with me?
What no longer fits?
What do I want to create differently now?

Life changes can help us to meet ourselves in a new way.
And the work is not about becoming someone completely different.
It is about recognising what still matters,
what has changed,
and what you want to carry forward with more intention.

Comment GREEN if you want to hear more.

How many versions of you are there?

We all have different ways we show up.
At work.
With family.
With friends.

You may be more relaxed with one person.
More guarded with another.
More professional in one setting.
More playful somewhere else.

You might feel safe in some situations
and not in others.

That is part of being human.

But sometimes, the version you let people see is not the whole story.

They may see you as strong.
Capable.
Independent.
Reliable.
The one who has things under control.

And that is true.
But it may not be the whole truth.

Because inside, you may feel tired.
Unsure.
Overwhelmed.
Guarded.
And people may not realise the effort it takes to keep showing up that way.

There can be a gap between how others see you and how you experience yourself.
And that gap can feel lonely at times.

The other point is:
People will always see you through their own frame of reference.

Their experiences.
Their beliefs.
Their expectations.
Their idea of who they think you are.

You can choose how you want to show up.
You can choose what matters to you.
You can choose what you want to express.
You can choose where you want to show more of what feels true to you.

But you cannot fully control how other people perceive you or what they think.

And maybe the question is not:
“How do I make everyone see me the way I want them to see me?”
But rather:
“What do I need to feel safe enough to show more of what feels true to me?”

Because being seen matters.
And so does recognising yourself in the way you show up.

Comment GREEN if you want to hear more about how we see ourselves.

What once fitted may no longer fit

That does not only apply to clothes or interior design.
Your taste in colours and styles can change.

And the same can happen with how you see
yourself, your life, and the world around you.

Life experiences shape you.
The knowledge you acquire shapes you.
They can impact your understanding
of the world, your beliefs, your values,
and the way you see and evaluate things.

So changing your mind about something
does not always mean you were wrong before.

It may simply mean that some things have changed.

You have more or different information now.
Life experiences have shaped you,
and you may see yourself differently now.
You might have discovered your own values.
You might be able to formulate your own
needs for the first time.
And what once felt right may no longer feel in the same way.

That can feel unfamiliar.
Maybe even uncomfortable at the beginning.

Because you may have thought:
“This is who I am.”
“This is what I do.”
“This is what people expect from me.”

But who you are is not written in stone.

It can change as you live and grow.
Through your experiences.

Through the questions you ask.
And sometimes through the questions
you did not know to ask before.

Through the choices you make.
And sometimes through the choices
you could not make before.

Every step is part of a natural process.

And it is important to allow yourself
to notice when something no longer fits.
A role.
A habit.
A way of relating.

You might be working hard to create
a new version of yourself
That does not make the old version wrong.
It may simply mean you are moving closer
to what feels true for you now

Comment GREEN if you want to hear more about change.