Subtle Balance

Apparently, ChatGPT and I have spent enough time together for it to have some thoughts about humans. 😂

And honestly… it’s not wrong.

We can have all the insight in the world and still repeat a pattern. We can know exactly what we should do and somehow find ourselves doing the opposite. We can heal, grow, set boundaries… and still get triggered sometimes.

Very inconvenient.
Very human. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also, in a slightly surreal turn of events: I recently had a new client find me through ChatGPT. She was looking for a narcissism recovery coach and someone organising support groups for victims of narcissistic abuse and apparently, ChatGPT sent her my way.

So yes… AI might be becoming the new search engine whether we’re ready to admit how much we use it or not. 😂

But genuinely, I felt incredibly flattered that my work is being found that way too. 🩷

Lots of love 💕
Selina

Things I don’t care about anymore. Or maybe more accurately: things I’m learning to care a whole lot less about… 🫣

Because “I don’t care” doesn’t mean I never feel it.
I do. I’m still sensitive. Things still get to me sometimes.

I just don’t want them deciding how I live, what I share, how I mother, who I am, or how much space I allow myself to take up anymore. 🩷

And I have a feeling this list will keep growing. 🫣

What’s something you don’t care about anymore?

Lots of love 💕
Selina

Inspiration: Cassie Selfe

I almost scrolled past the football celebrations yesterday without saying anything. 🫣

But I work with women who dread nights like these. Not because they care about the score, because someone in their house does.

The numbers are in the carousel, and they’re not new.

Researchers have known this for over a decade and confirmed it again as recently as 2021: around big tournaments, abuse reports rise. Win or lose.

What struck me most when I first read that research wasn’t the 38%. It was the win number. Even good news wasn’t safe news! 😢

That told me everything about what’s actually going on in those homes.

It was never about football.
It was never about the dinner, the tone, the timing either. Those are just the excuses.
The control was already there.

So if you recognized something while swiping, in your own home, or in the way a friend goes quiet during game weeks, please don’t talk yourself out of it. You noticed it for a reason.

And if this could be someone you know: send it to her. She might not be able to save it herself. 🩷

📞 In Belgium: call 1712, free, confidential support for anyone affected by violence or abuse (weekdays).

Elsewhere: please look up your local domestic abuse helpline.

Lots of love 💕
Selina

Source: Kirby, Francis & O’Flaherty (2014), Journal of Research in Crime and Delinquency (the 38% / 26% figures). Alcohol figure: Trendl, Stewart & Mullett (2021), Warwick Business School, in Social Science & Medicine. US comparison: Card & Dahl, on unexpected losses and intimate partner violence.

For the longest time, I didn’t know what to do with peace. 🫣

When things finally went quiet, I kept waiting for the catch.
The next argument, the next problem, the next thing to brace for.

Calm didn’t feel like relief, it felt like something was about to go wrong. 😑

It took me a while to understand that wasn’t a flaw in me. It was just how long I’d lived on high alert. My body hadn’t caught up yet to the fact that I was safe now.

If you’re in that strange in-between where rest feels uncomfortable: you’re not broken. You’re healing! 🩷

Save this for the days the quiet feels strange.

Lots of love 💕
Selina

I’ve seen it too many times…

A child, standing in the middle, trying to figure out who to protect. Who to comfort. Who to choose. 😢

They shouldn’t have to carry that. 💔

Kids aren’t built to hold two parents’ pain at once.
They’re not messengers. They’re not therapists.
They’re not the glue.

They’re just kids.

If you’re co-parenting through conflict, this is your reminder. Your child’s loyalty isn’t a prize to win. Their peace is. 🩷

Save this for the next time you need it. Share it with someone who needs to hear it too.

Lots of love 💕
Selina

Nobody warns you about this part. 💔

You leave, you do the work, you start to feel like yourself again and then the handover happens, and for a moment you’re right back in it. 😢

Healing while you still have to “co-parent” with them isn’t about cutting contact. It’s about becoming someone they can’t reach anymore, even while you’re still tied to them through the kids.

Save it for the heavy days. Send it to the one who needs it.

Lots of love 💕
Selina

June was Men’s Mental Health Month. 💙

Tomorrow it’s over, at least on the calendar. But the boy who learned that feelings were weakness doesn’t heal because a month ends.

The man who still goes quiet when it gets heavy doesn’t suddenly find the words on July 1st.

This was never a thirty-day thing for me. I see it up close, every day, in the men who were never taught how to carry what they feel, so they carry it alone.

So keep checking on them. Keep making it safe to not be okay. Not just this month. All of them. 💙

Save this. Send it to a man who needs to hear it.

Lots of love 💕
Selina

Four sessions. That’s all it had been when this couple sent me this message. 🙏🏻

When they first sat across from me, they’d almost given up, not because the love was gone, but because they couldn’t reach each other through all the old pain.

I didn’t save their relationship. They did the work. I held the space where the conversations they’d been avoiding could finally happen. 🩷

Swipe through their words.

Lots of love 💕
Selina

This one took me a long time to understand. 😢

When you co-parent with someone like this, you keep expecting it to be about the child. About what’s best for them. And it just… never quite is. 💔

The arguments, the last-minute changes, the things dragged out far longer than they need to be, it’s rarely about the kids themselves.

It’s about keeping a line to you. A way to still reach you.

Once I saw that, I stopped trying to win arguments that were never really about our child. And that’s where some of my peace came back. 🙏🏻

Save this if you needed to read it. Send it to someone who still thinks they’re the problem.

Lots of love 💕
Selina

This landed in my DMs after my last post: “the hardest part is that they present as the victim, and professionals rarely catch it.” 😢

And I couldn’t let it sit.

Because this is the part that breaks people. Not the relationship itself, but standing in front of someone who’s supposed to help, and watching them believe the calm one. 💔

While you’re the one falling apart in the chair.

If you’ve lived this, you already know. And if you haven’t, I hope this helps you see it a little sooner in someone else.

Save it. Send it to the person who needs it.

Lots of love 💕
Selina