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Understanding another person does not require us to agree with them. We may understand that someone spoke harshly because they were under tremendous pressure, but that does not make the harsh words acceptable. We may understand why an adult child is afraid of responsibility, but constantly rescuing them may prevent them from learning to stand on their own. We may understand why a friend cannot repay borrowed money, while deciding not to lend them more.

This is where compassion needs common sense.

Try to understand what may be happening behind someone’s behaviour. Listen to their side. Consider their circumstances. But don’t confuse understanding with permission.

Sometimes the compassionate response is forgiveness. Sometimes it is patience. Sometimes it is saying no.

We can understand the person without accepting the behaviour.

We often see what people do without understanding what may be happening behind it.

Someone becomes angry. Someone withdraws. Someone says something hurtful. Our natural reaction is often to respond to the behaviour we can see.

But there may be more to understand.

Take time to observe. Listen properly. Consider what the other person may be experiencing. At the same time, notice our own assumptions, emotions and expectations. We may discover that what we first thought was obvious was only one possible explanation.

This does not mean making excuses for poor behaviour. Understanding why someone acts a certain way does not make their actions acceptable. We can have compassion and still have boundaries.

The teaching is simple: observe deeply, listen carefully and seek to understand before deciding how to respond.

We will not always understand correctly. But when we make the effort, we give ourselves a better chance of responding with wisdom rather than simply reacting.

There is nothing wrong with believing tomorrow can be better than today. In fact, that little bit of hope can sometimes be what gets us out of bed and keeps us going. But optimism should never require us to close our eyes to reality.

Being optimistic does not mean telling ourselves everything will be fine when clearly something needs attention. It does not mean ignoring problems, avoiding difficult conversations or expecting life to somehow sort itself out.

I believe in realistic optimism.

See the problem for what it is. Accept that things may not go according to plan. Understand that some things are beyond our control. Then look carefully at what we can still do.

We may not be able to guarantee a good outcome, but we can improve our chances of one.

So hope for the best, but don’t depend on hope alone. Think. Prepare. Adjust. Act.

Optimism gives us a reason to keep going. Realism helps us decide where to put our next foot.

We need both.

We can all say that we value honesty, kindness, loyalty, compassion and responsibility. Saying it costs us very little. The better test comes during those ordinary moments when doing what we believe is right becomes inconvenient.

We find something valuable and nobody saw us pick it up. We hear gossip about a friend who is not there. Someone serving us makes a mistake. We make a mess that somebody else could easily clean up. We have an opportunity to help someone and know that nobody will ever hear about it.

These are small moments, but they tell us something about ourselves.

Values are not meant for an audience. They are there to guide our choices when there is no applause, no recognition and sometimes no reward.

We will not always get it right. But perhaps the true measure of our values is not what we claim to believe. It is what we choose to live when doing so is inconvenient and nobody is watching.

There are things about ourselves that can sit unnoticed for years. The way we react when irritated. The excuses we make. The habits we repeat. The things we avoid because facing them feels uncomfortable. While we cannot see them, changing them is difficult because, as far as we are concerned, there is nothing there to change.

Then one day, we notice.

That moment matters, but let us not give awareness more credit than it deserves. Seeing something does not automatically change us. We may recognise a bad habit today and repeat it tomorrow. That is human.

What seeing gives us is something much simpler and more useful - a choice.

We can continue as before. Sometimes we will. Or we can try something different, even if the first change is very small.

Wisdom is not simply seeing ourselves more clearly. It is what we choose to do after we have seen.

Kindness becomes complicated when we attach conditions to it. Before we help, we may wonder whether the person deserves it, whether they will appreciate it, or whether anyone will notice. After we help, we may wait for a thank you, recognition or perhaps a favour in return. That is where a simple act of kindness can quietly become a transaction. An act of random kindness asks us to do something different. See someone struggling with their shopping and lend a hand. Pay for someone’s drink. Send a message to someone who may need encouragement. Then carry on with your day. Of course, we should still think about whether our help is appropriate and useful. Having “no before and after thoughts” does not mean being thoughtless. It means removing the calculation before and the expectation afterwards. Do the kindness because, at that moment, kindness is simply the right thing to do. Then let it go.

The Unattached Mind is not about drifting through life and leaving everything to chance. We should still have direction. We should still make plans, work towards what matters and take responsibility for our choices.

What we don’t need is to become so attached to our plans that we struggle whenever life refuses to cooperate. Sometimes things change. Something we wanted doesn’t happen. Another opportunity appears. A different path becomes necessary. We can fight reality because it wasn’t part of the plan, or we can accept what has changed and decide what to do next. That doesn’t mean giving up. It means adapting without losing ourselves. Perhaps that is what “we go where the wind takes us” should really mean.

We allow life some room to unfold, but we don’t hand our choices over to chance. We have a direction, not a fixed path. We may follow the wind, but we still hold the rudder.

Life puts all of us into difficult situations at some point. Yet the same difficulty can affect each of us differently. One person may come through stronger. Another may struggle badly. Someone else may simply need more time. That does not automatically tell us who has stronger character.

We don’t enter difficult times carrying the same load. We have different experiences, support, responsibilities, fears and resources.

Resilience is not about proving that pressure cannot hurt us. Sometimes it hurts deeply. Sometimes we fall apart.

What matters is what we do afterwards.

We can ask for help. We can learn. We can change our approach. We can rest when we need to. And when we are ready, we can try again.

So perhaps the lesson of the potato and the egg isn’t about becoming harder or softer.

The heat may change us, but we still have a say in who we become afterwards.

T2 Gate E24

Masked up - Haze and smoke everywhere, people coughing sneezing …

Thank you Poh Ju Dr Lim