Olive von Topp

There's a difference.

Your capacity is shot. Your nervous system is just surviving. So that is what all your energy is going to.

Things that used to seem easy, arent anymore.

Everything requires like 10x the effort.

This can look like:
* staring at a simple task for hours
* rereading the same sentence 10 times
* forgetting everything
* feeling exhausted after doing almost nothing
* cancelling plans because being perceived feels overwhelming
* struggling to answer texts
* losing motivation for things you used to care about

But that is grief. Not laziness.

It can feel extra tricky when youre out of the acute grieving phase. Maybe youre slowly able to more things. Youre having a few good days.

You think you're on the way back to being the old you.

The one who got stuff done
Who could multi task
And hold a million things in your brain

And now you just cant.

This is especially hard for all you high functioning grievers- particularly women who used to do it all.

Especially if you were taught to be “the strong one.”
Especially if you learned your worth came from how much you could do for everyone else.

Grief slows us down on purpose.
It asks us to stop performing.
To feel.
To unravel.
To become honest.

You are not broken because you cannot function the way you used to.

The version of you that existed before the loss may not come back. She is gone.

But that doesn’t mean there isn’t life, joy, softness, truth, and aliveness (and even increased capacity) waiting for you on the other side of this becoming.

It just takes time

Youre doing a lot.

Be gentle with yourself today.

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We cannot be in our feels all the time. We need breaks. Healthy processing looks like a mix between being in our feels and giving ourselves breaks. Sometimes these breaks look like dissocation. And that's okay (if it isnt all the time and even still it is just trying to protect you).

Loss is an attack on our system. We are trying to process HUGE feelings, inconceivable loss. We cant do that all at once.

How brilliant of our bodies to protect us like that.

If youre numbing out, thats okay. If it is all the time, you may need some support in processing your feelings in a way that isnt overwhelming for your system (get at me if this is you).

Grief is wild. Be gentle with yourself.

I fear humanity is doomed 😆

This was a comment I got on a video I posted about the unintended power of a leopard print bathing suit.

There's so much I could say about it- how the Patriarchy works to reduce us to our body parts, tailored to men's desires, how tiny the box of what is condsidered attractive is, how it ties our worth to our desirability and makes aging the biggest flaw, blah blah blah.

My time is valuable and this kind of rage bait ain't worth it. You can bet if I'm gonna spent my precious time responding to this kind of BS on the internet, Im gonna get paid for it.

But honestly I mostly just feel sad for this person. What a sad existence. The Patriarchy hurts us all.

I could really go for an Arby's sandwich right now...

Anger is a normal part of the grieving process.

These are great for when youre feeling overwhelmed with rage/fight energy and need to move it quickly.

It is more nuanced than I can fit in these little sound bites but sometimes coming into rage and doing these practices can be too much and cause systems to shut down, particularly if anger has not been safe in the past.

That is why I often suggest doing some of the slower gentler work of coming into contact with your anger in a "container" with the support of someone who can watch for signs that it might be too much.

If youre looking for support on processing your anger, Somatic Experiencing might be a great fit for you.

Im about to open up two new spots near the end of Aug so if this is something that youre curious about, get at me and let's chat about if it is the right fit for you.

I think much of grieving (or mourning) is getting more comfortable with your anger.

On a somatic or embodied level.

For me and most of my clients, it is gonna show up one way or another and we need healthy ways to be with it and process it, which most of us arent taught.

This is why I love Somatic Experiencing. It can be so useful in helping us build tolerance and safety to be with really hard emotions (especially ones that can feel unsafe or dangerous like anger).

It is far more nuanced than what I can explain in a 90 sec video but I hope it helps give you an idea of how we can process anger in our bodies.

More on this in my next video

What has been most helpful for you in processing your griefy anger (can we call it that?)