Susanne Mueller

“it’s like a little secret.”

this is how someone described undrgrnd after class last week. i’ve heard this before and love when people feel this way.

undrgrnd was always meant to be a little quieter, less exposed and secretive in nature. to me, it is part of what makes it feel sacred. It is by no means exclusive, it’s more that i have learned to trust the web of communication that occurs and those who arrive when i run this from my heart.

a definition of secret: “not expressed; inward.”

making time and space to pull back from how we express ourselves in the world and return to what is real inside us is a kind of inner, secretive work. it’s often not flashy or full of instant rewards. its a long game.

but having a willingness to feel our way back to our body, and be with ourselves in an honest way - perhaps in a space that feels sacred to us - can subtly change the way we move through life.

i think it’s ok to hold some things a little secret.

i cried in class the other day.

i was telling a story about my kid and became emotional. it snuck up on me, i wasn’t expecting it.

i’m not embarrassed or regretful. with the intimacy of this space and the general support from students it felt ok. but it is still shaky ground for me.

i have trained myself in classes to show up as real but not emotional. ‘be yourself but not your emotional self’. which is mostly appropriate, sure. but it’s also a paradox as my real is naturally very emotional.

when i come close to sharing something of meaning, my throat tightens or my voice shakes. it’s a sort of automatic protection: be careful what you say, don’t embarrass yourself, what if you say something you’ll regret, what if you cry?!

my throat has been protecting me like this for years. but i don’t think it’s useful anymore. it bottles what i want to say and goes against a desire i have for everyone to feel, be and express who we are, as we are.

tears may surface again, but i do expect more shakiness in my voice and uncertainty fluttering through my body as i continue w this process of allowing the words to move from my heart through my throat and out into the wild.





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post vacay: fumbling through finding space in the business of real life.

even though i was prepared for the calendar and schedules and texts and carpooling to begin, i find myself in a gentle grieving for the spaciousness that often naturally comes with being on holiday.

as predictable as it is, i felt it all come crowding into my mental and physical space - which had become so much quieter and calmer. i felt the tension start pulling at my body. i noticed i’ve been both sighing and holding my breath more. overthinking the things i said or didn’t say.

i’m trying to grasp for that sense of peace in me again.

but i know, i don’t need to be on vacation or surrounded by open fields to embody that sense of space, that it’s a feeling that is accessible in this moment no matter where we are. it’s just waaay easier to be open to it when we’re away. here, i have to work for it a little more.

to top it off, i know this experience is pointing to my inner work of being able to be free to be myself no matter where i am.

i’m excited to head back to the ocean for the next retreat. when i was at in october i knew i wanted to bring a group back for the magic it offers. expect delicious meals, ocean views, fireside chats, time in nature, and of course lots of yoga.

feb 7-9. 8ppl. link and details in bio

i had been craving a weekend alone. i wanted space from schedules and people and anything holding even a thread of obligation. i wanted to quiet all noise and distractions and to spend the time doing whatever i felt like doing.

turns out i felt like staring at the ocean for hours and hours. drinking tea, eating soup, writing, walking, reading, and listening to music. on repeat. i sank into stillness and quiet while the storm swirled around outside.

the combo of it all reminded me of where creativity and inspiration come from and how we can access it.

surprise, surprise it’s inside.

big thank you to and for welcoming me in your peaceful place.

there are so many things that seemed to come together at the right time for undrgrnd to be. over the years this space has constantly nudged me to keep growing, keep showing up, keep watch of my doubts, and to keep it real.

i can feel another phase of growth and change brewing inside and it’s wildly uncomfortable. i’m not sure where it’s all headed, and i guess we never really know anyways. but i’ll forever be committed to this work, to those who show up, and to what is possible from here.

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restorative classes are once a month and they are becoming a fav to offer. when i see bodies and minds doing just about nothing but resting, letting go and healing, it’s so clear that our bodies need time to release. that holding ourselves in slower and gentler ways allows for a kind of necessary rest that can sink deep into our bones.

tonight 6pm
oct 24 6pm

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we’re back and ready for our schedules to divert from spontaneous to structured. my focus is to not become as rigid and edgy as our excel spreadsheet family calendar, but to stay open to the subtle, softer and more magical moments.

classes start this week. link in bio for sign up and info 🪄

it had been 14 years since i had visited. every time i come back and spend time with my relatives, i rediscover parts of myself that seem to live here too. surrounded by family, mountains, bakeries and the soothing sounds of schwietzerduetch my body know that this is home away from home, this is where i come from.

For a deeper and more peaceful connection to food, your body, and your self, join me for a weekend on the Sunshine Coast.

On Nov 8-10, we'll dive inward for answers and guidance to our struggles. We'll yoga, meditate, journal, go to nature and ultimately carve out a new way of being around food and in our body that feels jut right.

This is a life changing retreat. I hope you can make it.

susannemueller.ca/retreat

feedyourself | retreat

Seriously, this playdough is the best. Kept us mostly occupied for 2 rainy afternoons. Us, like, me too. I love playdough. She loves playdough. Everybody loves playdough.🎈🎈 Google 'mommypotamus playdough' for the recipe.

If anyone's still alive post storm you can come stretch it out to in my class - tomorrow 10am .