Emilia Lenda Coaching

My core wound that gets most triggered lately is abandonment.

And because we have a long distance relationship, it’s often so easy to trigger that abandonment. Not enough quality connection. Too much time between communications. Not getting enough attention.

I wanted to describe how it goes because it’s such a crucial jedi skill in a relationship. If I can notice quick enough what happens, I can CHOOSE my response and not be sucked into the usual defence mechanism (I usually retreat and disappear) - hurting myself and my partner. Or at least I can try :)

There is wisdom in triggers, sometimes they signal a valid unmet need. Or blatant abuse. But often they are a slingshot reaction that tries to protect the reawakening of a core wound from the past.

When I get triggered, it’s not anymore about the present, I’m being transported back to my past, the abandonment - my dad who wasn’t very present or supportive and whose love was very prickly.

And when I do catch that, it’s a fantastic opportunity to:
♢ reassure and reparent myself
♢ give myself love and speak to the inner child that got wounded
♢ remind myself that it’s the present and I’m safe, I don’t need to go into defence mode

Overtime it creates healing on a personal level and less charge in the relationship.

We all bring traumas and wounds to the relationship, and it’s a great opportunity to heal them.

Flip through the slideshow to find out how I notice that I’m being hijacked by a trigger.

Do you recognize any of those in your relationship?